Dear Fred,
People always assumed we were identical. We aren’t. Weren’t. Past tense. I’m not used to the past tense. It’s been a year and I’m not used to it. Just like I’m not used to be being alone. I’m not good at being alone, Forge. I guess we were never alone. The whole big family thing and all. It was so easy to get caught in the middle. I guess we made up for it by being loudest. But you were always more outspoken than me. You were funnier, always coming up with the punchlines and smarter, always coming up the products, the ideas. The idea man and his sidekick. That was us. Now I’m just a sidekick (it’s a sad life my boy).
It’s been a hard year on us all. I can’t name the number of times people have slipped up and said ‘Fred and George” by accident instead of just George. It hurts a little every time because I expect you to pop up and grin and crack a corny joke or two, because I’m so used to hearing your name first. For a while I thought about changing my name to ‘Fred and George’ but Mum didn’t think it was very funny (at least she smiled a little when I mentioned it though). Sometimes when I look in the mirror, if I look hard enough I see your face. If I listen hard enough I hear your voice every time I speak. I wonder if it would’ve been better if our roles had been switched y’know? (You were always the better one anyway.)
Just the other week, Bill, Charlie and Percy came over to stay for our birthday (even if you’re gone, its still our birthday, I’m not going to let it change). It was quiet and sad and gloomy and Charlie decided we needed something to cheer up and suggested a quidditch match. We got excited, getting our brooms and heading out, but when we started assigning positions, we realised it was only a six-person team. Dad came out to play, but it wasn’t the same, I guess it made us sadder. You don’t feel anything once you’ve gone. It hurts more being left behind.
The birthday was weird. It was weird blowing out the candles alone (I made sure Mum still wrote ‘Fred and George’ on the cake though, it didn’t feel right otherwise, it may have made her cry whoops). You’d think I’d like some individual attention. But I don’t. I just want it to go back to how it was before. I want it to go back to everything being ours. I want to fight over who was more handsome, or taller (answer: obviously me, you, in that order). I think I’ve figured out a big secret of the universe of twins. You see Forge, twins are never supposed to be separated because we’re two halves of a hole (alright its cheesy, I agree but doesn’t make it less true, at least in our case). So tell me Freddo, how am I supposed to survive without you here?
Sorry, this is getting a little depressing. There’s been a lack of laughter and pranks at the Burrow (you’d be so disappointed; I feel bad for letting you down). I try to crack a joke sometimes, and Ron pitches in. You wont believe it but Ron has been a godsend. He comes and helps me out at the shop and looks after it when I’m not up to it. But it’s not the same without you Freddy boy. I think going to work has been the hardest. Being alone with the quiet- there’s no one filling up the space beside me. No one to laugh with, talk with. I stay at home a lot now, only because I can’t bear staying at our flat. There are too many reminders of you there. Sometimes on the bad days, I go up to our room and lay on your bed. It still smells like you, I’m too scared to let go.
I’m not sure I ever really told you this (maybe I didn’t have to because you knew), but I love you. So much. And I miss you. The world isn’t going to be the same without you in it, and neither will I. But I promise, I’ll be okay in the long run, I’ll get back up and I’ll smile (just for you, I owe you at least that). You better have the most incredible prank ready when I get up there you have time (and the Marauders). Also if you see my ear up there, tell it I miss it!
Rest in peace, brother dearest (and happy late twenty-first!)
With love, your other (better) half,
George.
