#hxartlessmachine

[hxartlessmachine]

ayo where's my future wife who isn't gonna leave me on read & isn't online but not responding to me & who will show that they really do wanna be with me (& consistently) & treat me like i deserve / how i need to be loved ha ha ha ha 😀

[hxartlessmachine]

"if they wanted to, they would" is a statement I've been living by since my ex & this statement allows me to realize what I deserve .. & don't :')

[hxartlessmachine]

i never fully realize how much my ex fucked me up until certain situations happen,,, he'd ignore me & leave me on read whenever he'd be out cheating (which i found out after we stopped talking) and whenever I'd ask why he left me on read or why he ignored, he'd get mad at me. whenever I'd say it bothered me when he left me on read, hed just get mad at me, even though he always knew it bothers me being left on read. whenever i asked him to just simply apologize for leaving me on read and explain why he did it, even though I asked if he could just not leave me on read, he'd get mad at me. which is why being left on read gives me so much anxiety and pushes me away from people. whenever I'd express anything bothered me, he'd get mad at me. whenever i tried to ask if there was someone else, he'd tell me it was none of my business. whenever i was upset/pissed at something that happened in my day and wanted to vent to him, he'd turn it around and start talking about all his problems and I'd end up having to cheer him up. whenever we got into arguments, it'd end in him making things sexual and if i didn't want it, he'd get mad. whenever i had to BEG for him to give reassurance cuz he wouldn't give me it, he'd get mad at me. whenever I'd overthink things, he'd get mad at me when i just wanted him to calm my thoughts & worries. he'd always make me feel like i wasn't enough and what i wanted was too much to want.

i just need someone good for me and won't get mad at my needs or when i try to communicate things... i can't go through another relationship filled with anxiety, overthinking and hurt :')

[hxartlessmachine]

why is it so hard for people to communicate? just send a simple "I'm busy doing xx so I'll respond when I can" instead of just leaving on read or ignoring for hours, or a simple "i don't feel like talking" instead of showing that they're online and not responding; I just don't get why it's so hard to give the bare minimum to anyone nowadays? does anyone know how to communicate? you can easily calm another's mind by giving basic communication :')

[hxartlessmachine]

do you even want me

do you even care

do you even love me

do you even want to talk to me

[hxartlessmachine]

i just want to be treated right by someone or left alone :-)

[hxartlessmachine]

made a gay playlist, feel free to follow & reblog ✨

[hxartlessmachine]

the gay is in my hands 🌈✨