The most frustrating thing is to come home, undo your hair, look at yourself in the mirror, think you are absolutely GORGEOUS and it turns out you HAD a GOOD HAIR DAY after all, but your hair was up all day because it's warm out and your hair is thick... And then you look at your face and everything is BAM perfect, you could be a supermodel! And then you go to take that selfie against a light wall, and once that picture is taken you are then reminded that the mirror shows you an inverted version of yourself. Your hair is frizzy, your bangs are "jaggedly" curly because of the humidity, and you technically have a fringe, but now you're starting to push it off to the side to create a side part because it's growing out and you're losing this battle... AND you have dark circles under your eyes and there's pigmentation on your skin.
And you have this mental conversation with yourself every. single. time. About how you don't wear a lot of makeup, because when you put it on, you don't FEEL like yourself, and you feel that it's not you, and you always end up asking yourself: "Am I unhappy with myself? And the way that I LOOK? Am I not proud?"
And sometimes you go out and you buy makeup that you STILL and CONTINUE not to really use, and YET YOU DO IT, because you think it will make you FEEL BETTER, or you could at least TRY, Y'KNOW? You could TRY and learn how to apply makeup better, but what's the point? If you end up having this battle with yourself on whether or not you're happy. Is it the makeup? Is it being beholden to a certain structure of society? Am I doing this to make ME happy?
And you're constantly at war with yourself! You're at war with maybe the possibility of trying a new makeup product, (like a BB cream, or concealer... And these are my biggest battles, by the way, specifically covering the skin. I'm fine with eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick, and eyeliner... It's just the stuff that covers the skin that I have more of an issue with) but you always ask: is it worth it?
Here's my face by the way... And... After looking at it, I don't look terrible... I know, I know... But I still see things that are an everyday struggle for me, I do have some inflammation on my chin, and it's like dermatitis, and I do have some pigmentation from pockmarks. (I don't think the masks really help- specifically the inflammation part... And also sweat.)
But I know this girl right here takes the best care in her skin and truly wants to feel good in her own skin, and wants to feel pretty, too.
And I need to be nicer to her.
