What keeps me awake? What keeps me from doing work? What keeps me from focusing on commitments in a mundane’s world?
Not working on, or even implementing ideas... just... thinking of them. Imagining them in play, bypassing the whole development process, and just poofing them into existence right there in my head.
Now, what purpose could that possibly serve in the waking realm? It may be thought complete design wise, but it certainly isn’t tangible in any stretch of the imagination. And you may have played out the whole thing in your head, in, what? 30 minutes!? Is that what you were doing pacing around the middle of the house at night, occasionally making *shwack* noises, and bubbling chiptune music??
Ok, weird, great, but it doesn’t exactly give me something to play of it. And I we both know you couldn’t just show me something right now.
Ok, I need to stop talking to myself in third person (or is that second person??), before I force myself to answer to… myself. So let me lay down what usually goes down when this goes around and comes around. And unfortunately, it will probably outline why you wouldn’t wanna work with me on anything… for too long.
I watch something, play something, or just listen to people talk even, and this is what happens when I come up with an idea.
· How does it REALLY end?
· Man, it’s a lot of work though!
· If I had to exchange with people, how would I do it?
· Should this be in YAMAHA XG, or Roland LA?
· I need this, or it won’t be easy
· I need that, or it won’t be easy
· I’ll need somebody, and that won’t be easy… for me
· If I find somebody, I hope they’ll be keen
· If I do this, what will happen to me?
· If I do this assignment that was due last night, I could feel better spending my time on thinking about this.
· I should write this down.
· That’s a lot of stuff to write down though.
· I’m not good at drawing though.
· I should make some music.
· But it’s hard to piece together.
· I hope this is a good idea. Though I reckon I’m good at explaining things. But I’m not good at talking… at all. I mean, sort of. I mean I can talk to people but…
· This would be SO COOL, though.
· But this seems like a grand auteur piece, saved for later in my career when I assume I’ll know enough to be able to pull it off.
· Except I won’t know enough
· I need to know people that have that knowledge.
Note, that this is an UNORDERED list.
This happens usually every day. If I’m not sitting in the car or bus on the way to somewhere, where music aids this hyperactive ideas process, I’m at home. And then, I’m mostly at the computer, but otherwise, pacing around the house (which is some sort of exercise I guess) Imagining my own fun, which honestly, doesn’t make me inclined to worry about the state of physical or virtual fun, and whether or not I need to contribute to it.
That seems… efficient? Guess I’ll be set for the downfall of society.
It’s not efficient. It’s laziness. It’s excuses.
And if I don’t want to waste away, I need to do something.
Now that’s saying quite a bit. I can’t predict how you feel about this.
On one hand, this could be a force for good. And Indeed, I have done hard work in the past year. So it would seem I have a very strong design perspective.
Look, I’ve just made an impression that I am Lazy, and I make excuses for myself, and I come off as if ‘I will probably forget anything you say to me, if I can’t apply it immediately’.
This is just who I am. And if anything, my most terrible fault, is that...
I am not adjusting my expectations constantly.
But in the end, I know very well what it takes to implement and Idea.
2. I should write this down!
4. How would that happen?
7. This could work, but if it turns out to be some grand auteur piece, I’ll leave it for now, or set my sights lower.
8. I should make something. I could do it, but I don’t know everything.
9. I should learn how to.
10. And maybe get to know some people that could help!
I have always been a creator, and that will never change.
