If Comcast is so big and mighty, then why hasn't there been an entire cast of Commies?!?

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If Comcast is so big and mighty, then why hasn't there been an entire cast of Commies?!?
The smut lord is bored. And sleepy.
"hey Duckling! Think fast!" they yell as they toss some currently unidentifiable object toward you. Instead of moving to catch the ufo hurdling towards your face, you instead crouch down below the arcing path of the projectile, causing it to crash harmlessly against the ground. "Duckling what the fuck? Why didn't you catch it?"...... "Simple, I don't catch." *turns and looks directly at the camera* "...I duck"
I DUCK.
OH MY GOD, I DUCK. I DO.
I DUCK.