Feb 18, 2023
i need to start learning how to daydream without pacing or else i will die bc omg i literally had to take a break and sit down on my way to the kitchen 😭😭
daydreaming is too important to not do 😩
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i need to start learning how to daydream without pacing or else i will die bc omg i literally had to take a break and sit down on my way to the kitchen 😭😭
daydreaming is too important to not do 😩
It's a hair loss day
I should start saving these things. Maybe they can be recycled. Or used as wallpaper. Or sharpened and used as weapons when the doctors come at me like GLaDOS wanting to do more testing… I have like…30 of them now in various colors and forms…from hospital stays to blood transfusions to random procedures… …not doing well with all this. My apologies for lack of contact. Since I started RT/chemo, I do well to be conscious let alone move or speak. At this point, it takes all my strength to crawl 10 feet because I am so weak from being unable to eat. Apparently I am part of that small group that has bad reactions to the combined treatment…in addition to all of the complimentary medications to help with side effects, like nausea. I’m going to contemplate over the weekend with the new meds. I’ll talk to my nurse Monday. I feel that this “treatment” is killing me faster than any cancer would…and I would rather die happy and fulfilled, taking care of myself holistically as best I can, than from heart failure in my bed in a couple weeks….
I came home to find my mother, crying and laying in bed, because the skin on her hands is broken and bleeding. And people wonder why I feel guilty staying up at school.
