Work conversations
Patient: “Oh! I have a dog too, he thinks he’s people and I treat him just like a person!! *psychotic grinning* Just like a person!”
Me: “I too love my dog and frequently refer to him as ‘the baby’. However, I also recognize that he isn’t a people and that he has needs and wants that are completely foreign to my life and experiences as a human. Please stop your nonsense.”
Patient: “I take my floofikins with me every where! Even to the Goodwill in the middle of summer! But don’t worry, I always blast the AC first and leave a window cracked!”
Me: “That’s literally the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard. Also, while I'd love to take Thor with me everywhere, I recognize that he isn’t comfortable or happy to travel with me everywhere and he certainly isn't welcome everywhere either. But I guess you don't care about that.
Patient: "You take good care of your dog, you must have children?!" Me: "No." Patient: "Well, you're young, but don't wait forever. Kids are better than pets you know. When will you have kids?" Me: "Well, my husband and I have talked about it and decided on NEVER. Besides, pets talk way less than kids. And they don't have opposable thumbs. Or judge me for the amount of wine it takes me to forget most conversations at the end of the day." Patient: *goes suddenly quiet*