#i'm mostly ok

[taleweaver-ramblings]

get loved, nerd

Needed this today, so thank you.

[finelychoppedkittens]

Home we forgot our keys again someone has to climb through the basement window I have to climb through the basement window

nails snag my sweater as I lower myself onto the chest freezer copper specked eyes peer at me from under the stairs the cats are confused

I let my brothers into the house, they nod, muttering thanks I collapse on the couch and sink into the quiet afternoon I take a nap

Home we forgot our keys again someone will be yelling at me, but I will ignore it apathy and ignorance are skills needed to survive here

nails snag my sweater as I lower myself onto the chest freezer I pick my way across groceries and broken glasses the cats are hiding

I let my brothers into the house, they glare and I flinch away I watch my mother flee, knowing this is the last she’ll be seen before morning I blast music and pray that it will continue to drown out the war around me

[the-bisexual-bitch]

And what if I died tomorrow? Who would even attend my funeral?

[midcarder]

my friend accidentally announced my stroke to his discord server via a shitpost meme, which is objectively the funniest thing that you could do

[22ndcentury]

sometimes it's hard being this unlikeable

[taylor-jane]

I’m pretty sure I’m depressed right now but because it isn’t accompanied with sadness I just kinda feel…bluh. Like, even sleeping sounds boring. Like I am basically forcing myself to write this half hoping that I will have something to do and half hoping I will have some epiphany. I guess this has turned/is turning into a writing project simply for the sake of existing. Also as a side note, I’m appreciative of autocorrect as I keep mistyping word.

I guess I could talk about my day. Like most it starts with waking up, just that today that was multiple times. About every 3 hours or so, although I did get to sleep in an hour. See yesterday my store manager asked me to come in on my day off and help out with some project. I said yes because it shows people I am a valuable employee and that it might make it less likely I will be fired, cause that is on my mind off and on. So I go in a little after 5am and had some breakfast, something I never do. After I clock on I go to look for my supervisor and as it turns out he was off today. So I’m like “Ok, I’ll just get to work.” Turns out that no one told the night management that I was coming in. I got a little pissed off, I came in as a favor and only had a slight idea about what they wanted me to do. I got really close to just walking out. I didn’t though, instead I just started doing what I thought they wanted me to do. Luckily I was right, but still for an hour I was basically just winging it.

Eventually the department manager I was helping came in and I got some direction. I finished what I was doing and returned to the back to see what the store manager wanted me to do next. It ended up being exactly the same thing I was doing earlier, yay. In all honesty the work wasn’t that bad, but the fact that no one told me what to do up to that point still kinda upset me, but I kept on truckin.

Now normally I take my fifteen min break around seven so when seven came around I was so ready for it, but I waited because I came in an hour later than normal and that kinda fucked stuff up. Eventually I do take it, but not before I see the ladies in HR. Again I can’t talk about why, just a thing I wanted to do to help someone out. I grabbed a soda and went to the breakroom where I caught up on tumblr for the second time that day. It was a slow day. My coworkers were in there and kept trying to make small talk despite me having my headphones in, but I engaged a bit to be polite. Now I had just an hour left and boy it was LONG! By the time I was able to clock off I was so close to being done but in the end just said “fuck it!,” and left. By this point I’m already in a kinda bad head space. I just feel done and want the day to end despite it only being 10am.

I get a text from this girl I am dating and she is being very sweet, but I feel nothing. I’m just kinda dead inside. Honestly this is kinda normal AT work, but I spring back almost immediately after I leave. I knew something was up. I ended up replying to her and trying to seem as normal as possible. I got home and the only thing I wanted to do was shower and get the day off me. I had to wait for the previous person to get out though, so I just sat in my room. That’s it, just kinda existed there and that’s what I did after I got out too. I have just been sitting here in silence barely even thinking. I’ve just kinda been...waiting. Waiting to feel some emotion or gain the energy to do something. Even now as I type this I still don’t really feel anything or want to do this but I know I need to stay engaged in some way so here I am. Sitting. Waiting. I guess at this point I am just documenting things as they come.

I guess I do feel one thing. Slight annoyance at my roommate who yells often. I know I am just being grumpy but I had to close the lounge door. It helps a bit. It’s not like her yelling usually gets to me, she doesn’t yell angry things or even anything rude more like...happy yelling? It mostly stems from her boyfriend trying and succeeding to get a rise from her. I don’t know, for the last few days my work daydreams has been me getting into stupid fights with various members of my household. These are rather nonconstructive and put me in a mood that only makes them more frequent. It’s an annoying loop. Maybe I just wanted some private time but as I am right now I think I wouldn’t mind a distraction. just wish I didn’t dislike going downstairs so much. maybe I will anyway, guess we will see. Either way I am ending this here. Thanks for reading if you have, later.

[tiny-steve]

back to Single Asexual, Bitter And Wary

[navigatorsnorth]

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