Perry busted into the window of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. He landed directly on the square panel that triggered the trap, leaving him dangling and tied up in rope.
"Ahh Perry the Platypus how subtle of you, and by subtle I mean not subtle at all really. You just had to make a grand entrance huh?You know you're lucky my insurance covers platypus break-ins. See you even made me spill my coffee!" He gestured at a tiny puddle of coffee on the coffee table, "Oh whatever it was getting cold anyway. Have you ever made a hot cup of something to drink while you read a book or draw blueprints and you just forget the hot mug right in front of you- because you want to wait for it to cool down because if you don't you'll just burn your tongue and then you can't enjoy that nice roast flavor so then what was even the point! And if you wait too long to cool down it gets cold and then you have to heat it up in the microwave and then it's too hot again! It happens all the time Perry the Platypus."
Perry was only half listening to his nemesis while looking over the machine from across the room trying to analyze what it was. He wiggled around in the trap to determine how tight it was. It wasn't that tight. He's used this knot before. He recognized the sensation. The rope was different though, it was a softer thinner knot that was definitely for other intimate activities. It was comfortable. He could break out any time, but he had no reason to. So he relaxed into the tight ropes to hear what his nemesis had to say today.
"By the way do you like the new ropes I got?"
Perry trilled at him and cocked his head.
"The old ones? Oh they were getting worn down and they were difficult to tie things with so I went out and bought some new rope."
Perry looked at his laptop.
"Oh no I didn't buy them online, they're not cheap I promise, they won't tear so easily as the other one did. I actually bought them at the store."
Perry raised an eyebrow.
"No not the grocery store it was this special store with a bunch of other cool stuff; they had these nice handcuffs and collars and bondage gear. You're gonna love it Perry the Platypus I just know it. There's more, trust me. It's a special surprise for later."
Perry blushed at him but narrowed his eyes.
"Yes I know it was a sex shop," he rolled his eyes, "You really think I'm that obtuse?"
Perry shrugged.
"Okay enough chit chat Perry the Platypus we're falling behind. I know how much you love to talk but I've got things to do," he strolled over to a machine and presented it, "Behold! The de-boobinator!!"
Perry blinked at him and gave a confused look.
"As you might know, I'm an intersex trans man. And ever since I was a young boy I've had saggy chest growth. They called me a girl and put me in dresses just because I wasn't like other boys. But I wasn't exactly like other girls my age either because it's a little weird for a kid to get breast growth at 10 years old that's a little early."
Perry trilled.
"What does what mean? Trans? Transgender?"
He shook his head.
"Intersex?"
He nodded.
"Oh it's a category of natal sex variations outside of the male female binary. You know like how there's so many different shades of purple and pink except there's doctors who want to call this purple a blue even though it's clearly indigo. Or calling a color red when it's not red it's a shade of pink! It was really weird for me because even though I was assigned male I was raised female. At least I think I was assigned male."
Doofenshmirtz paused to think a moment
Perry trilled at him enthusiastically.
"Actually. Now that I'm thinking about it I never did know my assigned gender. I always thought I was assigned male and treated that way to demoralize me but I don't know maybe I was assigned female. It would explain why I never really got called a boy around my family and never considered a son. But maybe I was just ostracized I really don't know Perry the Platypus it could be either. It's a little odd since most people know have an assigned gender."
"What? You don't know your assigned sex?"
He trilled again.
"They never determined your sex? Why"
Perry shrugged and trilled yet again.
Perry hesitated but nodded before lifting up his foot and showing his venomous spurs.
"You can lay eggs?"
"Your spurs? What about em? Are they considered a male trait?"
Perry nodded.
"Wait wait wait!" Doofenshmirtz said excitedly, "Are YOU trying to tell me you're ALSO intersex?"
Perry paused a long while to consider it before nodded slowly with a shrug.
He gasped happily, "I have an intersex nemesis!! And you have an intersex nemesis! We're Intersex nemesises! What are the odds that the O.W.C.A assigned an intersex agent to an intersex evil scientist Perry the Platypus!? It's like we're soulmates or something."
Perry couldn't help smiling before he trilled at him.
"You've always been considered a medical anomaly?"
Perry shrugged while smiling.
"Well it must be nice to call yourself something less demeaning- wait what were we talking about?"
The evil scientist looked up at his inator
"Oh right! The de-boobinator! As I was saying I have breast growth for as long as I can remember and I've always wanted to get rid of it but the medical process to get such a surgery is awkward and uncomfortable. You have to get qualified, then you have to find a surgeon and then you're put on this waiting list that takes months and months, even a year! It's rediculous Perry the Platypus! Then they have to exam your body and determine the measurements and it just sounds so exhausting and weird. But with this, I can avoid all of the inconvenience and waiting and get my breast growth removed in seconds!!"
Perry raised his eyebrow.
"Well yeah it's not really evil, I suppose it's evil if I keep it to myself but I don't know maybe I could make a fortune out of this."
Perry looked at the rope.
"Then why did I tie you up? To keep up the normalcy obviously. Besides I know you like being tied up and strung up like a little piñata. Don't you?"
Perry shrugged and nodded with a blush.
"Of course you do you little freak," he said in a flirty tone and softly poked him on the chest before going back to his invention.
"Now watch Perry the Platypus, soon my chest will be as flat as a pancake!"
He fired up the inator and stood in position. The de-boobinator shot a beam and in a flash his breast growth swelled up more and got bigger.
Doofenshmirtz stood there in silent defeat for a moment, "Well that didn't work."
He let out a heavy sigh, "I'll go make an appointment with Planned Parenthood."
