#icariasflying

[icaria-is-flying]

I want to wear a pretty dress and hold someone's hand at the grocery store. It doesn't have to be romantic even. We can browse the snack aisle and go home and watch a movie or sit outside and listen to birds.

[icaria-is-falling-in-love]

I can't stop remembering you. I always hope you're doing well. I wish things had turned out differently.

[icaria-is-flying]

I looked through my first posts here tonight. I have changed so much since then and how I use my space is so different. I suffered so much and yet I was so innocent. Now I feel pain in new ways but my suffering is less and I feel so much older than I did a year ago. I don't feel anything about this at all, where there used to be feeling all the time. Maybe I've reached a breaking point, or maybe my adolescence has ended. Nothing makes sense and yet I understand everything. Like every day, I've died today. The person I was yesterday is gone.

2025.10.20

[icaria-is-flying]

Aced the job interview today!! Hell yeah

[icaria-is-flying]

i miss kissing you. and i kissed you because i liked you. and i liked you because you're lovely. and you're lovely because you're patient and you're kind and generous and sweet and gentle and you made me see the world in a softer light. i miss you. i miss kissing you

[icaria-is-flying]

[icaria-is-falling-in-love]

you asked to hold my hand and your fingers felt so wide and sturdy between mine. on some later evening, you'll tell me how slender mine are and i'll brush it off but i'll remember this moment. you asked to hold my hand and it felt so right and so strange and so wonderful i'd have to pull away for fear of feeling too much. i lie and say something about my hands being sweaty. i wouldn't hold your hand again until hours later, though i wanted to the whole time. i would do anything to hold your strong, strange hands right now. but you haven't been in arm's reach for 77 days.. not that I'm counting

[icaria-is-flying]

I HAD IT. THE LOVE THAT I'VE BEEN POSTING AND REPOSTING AND DRAFTING ABOUT. I HAD IT AND I NEVER TOLD HIM AND HE LEFT FOR REASONS OUTSIDE OF OUR CONTROL. AND I NEVER TOLD HIM. AND NOW HE'S FAR AWAY AND I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN AND HE LIVES BY THE OCEAN WITHOUT ME. I was too busy being afraid to just be in love with him. And now what? The fears came true and the love has nowhere to go.. i think i broke my own heart