comparing cute or ugly animals to them!
feat. hoshina soshiro ichikawa reno narumi gen - requested!
─ hoshina soshiro
drowning under paperwork in the third division's office, you push your work aside and grab your phone. you’re scrolling through your social media for minutes until a certain picture catches your eye.
you start snickering to yourself, but from beside you, hoshina nudges your arm with a small scowl.
"oi, get those hands movin'. this isn't gonna finish on its own."
yet your laughter only grows until you rise from your seat. "konomi! look at this!"
okonogi turns her head from her screen and watches you walk over to her desk. you bend down, showing her the image on your phone, but she only blinks, looking back and forth between you and the picture.
"doesn't this look like our beautiful vice-cap over there?"
you nod towards hoshina, who has his arms folded, staring back with a blank expression. okonogi's eyes flick down to your phone again and she giggles.
"i see it," she says, but as soon as she sees hoshina's frown, her back snaps up. "uh─well, in a very good way! of course!"
"what is it?" hoshina asks. "if it's about me, i have a right to see it."
but when he does, he's at a loss for words. all you can do is laugh at his unimpressed expression as you loop an arm around his shoulder. he stays rock-still as you practically hang onto him, your body shaking from something that he genuinely finds so disappointing.
it's only a picture of a smiling fox, but it's completely drenched with muddy water and its being overwhelmed by aggressive headpats by who he assumes is the owner.
never in his life has he ever been compared to an animal before, not in person, that is. he's heard of people whispering about his tendency to play the typical cat and mouse game but a fox? smothered in none other than shit, too?
you're lucky it's you.
"it's wet," he says, nonchalantly, but maybe he shouldn't have. suddenly, you go tumbling onto the floor, fighting for your life against your own laughs. "my god, it's not that funny, is it?"
he glances at okonogi, who shoots him a nervous smile. he rolls his chair back to get a clearer view of you coughing your lungs up on the ground.
"ugh, soshiro," you hiccup, wiping your tears away, "it's too funny."
he tuts, shaking his head as he reaches down to haul you back onto your feet. he brushes the dust off your uniform and pulls your chair out. he pats your seat whilst tugging lightly at your sleeve. "i think ya should sit."
"i think i need water," you cough, looking around for a cup. "i also think i should change your contact photo to that."
hoshina hums, returning to his laptop. "well, a wet fox still needs a mate. you can be my other wet fox."
okonogi slaps a hand to her face as you almost spit your water out.
─ ichikawa reno
you're on your lunch break and everyone's sat together in the cafeteria. it's been nothing but a tough day with drill after drill, one combat training after another and so food is the only thing on anyone's mind.
"i'm going to eat this up so quickly," iharu says, grabbing his chopsticks in one quick swipe. "i'm not gonna speak, don't expect me to."
"don't choke, though," reno insists, patting iharu's back, but he's already wolfing it down. "nevermind, just know i won't be there when you throw it back up later."
he casts a look over to you where you're scrolling through your phone with your spoon held mid-air. he reaches out to gently tap your hand and your head snaps up, catching his gaze.
"eat, you said you were hungry," he says, but you return your attention back to your phone with a smile.
"i will, i will." you lean over to your right and nudge kikoru, who chews in silence. "look, isn't this reno?"
reno watches the blonde flick between your phone and him, which has him furrowing his brows as the seconds tick by. he's being unknowingly compared to something, but he has no idea what it could be.
it must be hilarious, though. your shoulders start shaking from trying to keep your laughter under control. kikoru snorts too before turning back to her food.
"what is it?" he asks, but this time, you poke kafka, who sits on your left.
yet as soon as you show him, he's already in hysterics.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S SO RENO!" he guffaws, slapping a hand down on the table, his voice thundering throughout the entire cafeteria. you rapidly press a finger to your lips, urging him to calm down, but it goes completely ignored.
"let me see." reno reaches for your unlocked phone, turning it upside down. "what're you watching?"
he taps your screen and a video pops up. it's a puppy facing the wall with its ears drooped and tail tucked against its legs. the volume is low, but reno can hear the tiny whines it makes as it keeps sneaking glances at the owner.
kafka's laughs are overtaking the cafeteria as reno watched the video on loop, his face never changing. after the tenth time, he finally puts the phone down.
"what? what is it?" iharu babbles, pushing against reno to catch a look. "what's got the old man dying?"
reno sighs as he passes iharu your phone. "they're laughing over a puppy video because apparently it's me."
instantly, iharu starts roaring too and you wonder what on earth you've started as you're wedged in between two grown men laughing their guts out. you send reno a small smile, who mirrors it back.
"i think it's cute because you remind me of a puppy, i promise" you say, but you jab a thumb towards kafka, "but he's laughing because the dog's in time out."
"it's like that one time you put reno in a time out!" kafka wipes his eyes, sniffling. "i remember that. it was so funny."
then, you smirk, the memories flooding back into your head. you sit back in your chair. "oh, yeah. i put reno in a time out, didn't i?"
"what?! when? you didn't!" reno exclaims, but the damage is already done.
it's too late. now, he's simply stuck with the nickname 'kicked puppy'.
─ narumi gen
the last thing narumi expects to see is you and hasegawa in his room. not only are you just there but you're both staring at your laptop, chuckling over something that's not being shared with the one and only captain.
he's not having any of this. he marches over to you and pulls your arm, yanking you close. "the hell are you two laughing about, huh?"
"we're looking at a picture of you," hasegawa answers, turning the screen so that narumi can take a look. "i think it is perfect."
at once, narumi's jaw drops. you have to look away to stop yourself from exploding out loud, but his eyes fly open, mouth making shapes with no noise whatsoever. his fingers begin twitching uncontrollably as he points at your laptop as though it's bewitching him.
"WHAT?!" he yells, loud enough to make the room tremble. "HOW IS THAT ME?!"
you can't tell whether it's narumi's reaction or hasegawa's calm demeanour because when the latter simply shrugs, you feel another wave of laughter shoot through your body. you grip onto your sides as tightly as you can, resisting eye contact with narumi, who's currently very locked onto you.
"this is the result you always look for, narumi," hasegawa says, calmly. narumi thinks his veins are about to pop. "it's like looking into a mirror for you."
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" he screams. "I'M NOT TOLERATING THIS! YOU LOOK MORE LIKE IT THAN I DO!"
"narumi, i have no hair."
you sink to the ground, your stomach in complete agony. you can't believe a picture of a gorilla over a kaiju attack will make you kick the bucket so soon.
whilst you were clearing your tabs, you came across a video of a gorilla throwing a tantrum at the zoo. hasegawa was helping you decide which ones to keep, so he had seen it over your shoulder and it was together when you decided that this reminded you of none other than narumi gen.
"i'll ruin both of you," narumi seethes, his entire body vibrating from suppressing his murderous instincts. he glares at you rolling on the ground. "(NAME)! STOP LAUGHING!"
you let out a groan. "i can't... i can't..."
once again, hasegawa shrugs without a care in the world while you stay on the floor, crying until there are no tears left. narumi crouches down beside you and starts jabbing your shoulder with fierce pokes.
"you think this is funny, huh? i'll show you funny, i'll show you something so funny, you won't be laughing. you'll be crying for days and weeks and months"
you topple over and land on your side, hissing under your breath as you try regulate your breathing. with a shaking hand, you blindly wave around for narumi's hand, but he smacks it away with a petty huff.
"ugh," you sniff, "this is more intense than your workouts, gen."
"i'm going to kill you," narumi snaps. he takes your elbows and begins shaking you. "this is how you treat me, huh. HUH?!"
"leave her alone, narumi," his vice-captain calls out. "let her free, she should enjoy the moment."
chewing on his lips, narumi stays crouched as he grumbles about how ungrateful you are. "we'll see what animal i can find, then we can call it you."