#idontevenfuckingknow

[andyhurleysb00ty]

Is it bad to be pissed off most of the time or am I just an asshole because I'm like that all the time tbh 😶

[allhandsabandonship]

In Sickness and.. That's About it i Think...

I don't know, I've been feeling terrible lately. I forget to eat (except at school, everyone else is so I at least snack.) And I keep getting headaches and nightmares. I just want someone to vent to but every time I turn around people are there. Some people find it funny that I always have my headphones on, but I need them. My back is hell. My neck is hell. My shoulders aren't right. My hips aren't right. Even in a tank top, or a regular shirt, you can see how skinny I am. My jacket and my headphones are all I have to cover myself. If I can drown myself in comfy cloth, lose myself in music and writing, maybe it'll stop. At least, that's what I usually say. But it doesn't. I walk through hallways, steering through people, and I feel more alone than ever. I involve myself in a discussion, and it feels like I've been given a cigarette and a blindfold, then put in front of a firing squad. I don't even know. I don't know what's wrong. I just feel alone. That's it. No. It isn't. I always feel that way. That's why I don't get close to people. I'm like the Western Front in the First World War. I bottle everything up behind trenches and fortresses. I feel like that alot too. Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed. Then I have to set alarms so i'll at least snack. I do my best so nobody sees my back. I was told high school and college were where things got better. Heh.. Yeah, about that.. No. Not so far at least. I try speaking up, like people say. Words get caught in my throat.I choke up. I try being more social. I try. And then I start thinking. "They've gotten this far without you. They're fine." I keep hearing "Oh yeah, just talk to them." Or being asked "Why's that?" When I try explaining. I try not to brrak down. Great. Now I am. I'm just a damned wreck. I'm like that ship in the movies, or that character, the silent one. The one who's fighting themselves every day. The one wandering alone, and just plopping about. Gods, I hate this. Sleepless nights, holding back twars. I don't even know. I feel more alone at school and around people than anyplace else. I don't even remember why I started this post. Heh. I guess it didn't matter. Just likd the rest of it. Gods do I hate this feeling. It's like an emptiness, a churning pit that blackens everything it touches. I can't think straight. Even now. Especially now. No wonder I can't talk to people. Much less the ones i'd ask out for V-Day Saturday. I'm a mess. Just no. No no no. Even I wouldn't pick myself. Even I /don't/ pick myself. I'm sorry tgis got so long. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I just have nowhere else to go and this is the only place I feel like I can write. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I.. i hope you have a good night. Eat food. Do things. I'm sorry.

[rose-coloured-nihilism]

"The second you try to define nothing, you have filled it with something. The second you try to understan emotion it has become meaningless. Only for one reason; There are thngs in this world that you merely need to experience for yourself."

-Me

[j-nervouslybaked]

Sometimes I wonder if I could commit a mass homicide and get away with it. Literally playing cops and robbers, Im a fucking ninja.

[youaresosoloved]

Daisies in Bowties

I look onto into the garden and I see the trees trying to do yoga. Crouching and struggling in their downward dog position, balls of sweat sliding down the creases in the bark, their eyes smiling with laughter as even they have fun. I see the daisies dressed up in suits, planning a night out of the town, adjusting their bowties and getting approval from the wind. I see the hussle and bussle of what other don't notice, they forever hidden world of what grows. it's like what's in my mind, a world between my thoughts. it's been 15 years hat they've been at war and I don't think one side will ever win. I just hope that I won't end up like the leaves outside. everyone tramples them and leaves them to soak up their own blood, they fall from the sky smiling, in love with the idea of the ground below, but eventually they die and no one will ever know.

[pottymouthsandafros]

I can never go to sleep at night I always think about the most random shit like

  how are photographs made do they stop light dead in its tracks and capture it forever or the camera absorb the light waves(aka color) that we and our clothes dont thus making a replica of that moment

  like why the fuck I'm about as deep as the Atlantic ocean right now