#idrin

[miserykin]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Finally started a blog and shamelessly plugging my fan-fic on ao3. 26 Chapters in and going! Got a veeeeery spicy chapter that I'm working on now, so look out for it at the end of the week!

[all-is-fair-in-love-and-war]

“ let’s go for a walk. staying here is the worst thing we can do, right? “ ( for idrin

"I suppose you have a point." Idrin said looking to her left, "for once." She grabbed her cloak before leaving the hall, "so where do you want to go?" Her eyes scanned the city carefully. She personally wanted to get away from the city for a bit. It felt rather overwhelming at the moment and she would much prefer to be further away. In the valley or the woods where she could seek peace and quiet. Where the world may feel calmer than it did at the moment. Everything seemed to be swirling around her rapidly.

[dessertnewyork]

What a way to finish off my milkshake tour of Sydney. Ever since starting @idrin… What a strategy to end off my milkshake tour of Sydney. Ever since beginning @idrinkmilkshakes over a yr in the past I've been dreaming of this place!

[nolwyn]

Inktober Day 22 and 23 - Good turned bad, loved by all

 I know, totally cheating using one character for two prompts, but let me explain.  I don’t care.  

Secondly, depending on who you are, or your point of view, Idrin fits these two opposing traits very well.   

[nolwyn]

Idrin, during the Druin Wars

Still fleshing out this character (writing good villains is HARD!), but I’m liking her so far.  Or not liking her, as the case may be.

Watercolour in my sketchbook

[never-to-be-homeless]

Idrin here. Dean, goddammit, my relationship is falling to pieces. Ruben seems distant and uninterested and I know that I'm the problem, I'm always the problem. The last night I slept over at his he just said goodnight and turned his back to me and I felt so hurt after he fell asleep I walked downstairs and slept on the couch instead. The next morning he came downstairs and talked to me because he said he got worried when he woke up and I wasn't in bed next to him. >

He went to work and I knew I had to leave before he came home because he’s getting tired of me, so I wrote a note and got out of the house and left. I met him later the same day when he was on him way home from work and passed me when I was on my way to the mall where my mom was gonna pick me up and he just sort of cold-ly kissed and hugged me and drove away and I left and then I met him the next day again and he was more interested in talking to my sister than to me. When I’m with him I’m constantly bothered by anxiety. When I’m not, I’m always bothered by doubt. My only relationship before him lasted for about a month because I’m so scared I’m gonna get hurt before I really start loving them but he’s the one pulling away this time. I can’t talk to him about my problems because I don’t want to bother him about them and I’m just really scared about how I act around him and I’m so self conscious. It feels like I’m scared of him. I just feel like a fucking bug. All I want is for everything to be okay, just for once. I can’t talk about this to him. It just hurts, as usual. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything for this relationship because I don’t know how to. I want to have a future with him, it just feels like our future is an empty void. Sorry. Idrin

Kiddo have you talked to him about how you feel? I know it may seem difficult to do, but it is for the best if you want to try and repair the relationship. You aren't the problem Idrin, I think what may be causing the distance, could be the lack of communication about how you feel/what's going on in your head. I get that it can't be easy for you, but remember, a relationship is about honesty and Ruben may be picking up on you being hesitant. He may be thinking he is the problem! Speak to him and see what he says kiddo, you can do this. I know you say you don't want to, but I think to mend this all you may have to try to open up a little, even if it is very vague, about how you are feeling/how he makes you feel. Even if it's just that you voice your fears about how he is becoming uninterested! I know this isn't exactly what you were wanting to hear, but in all honesty, I think that may give you the best shot at this, but in the end it is your call. If you really feel like you can't talk to him, even a little about it, try and reconnect over something. Maybe re-do your first date, watch a movie you both connected over and loved or go to the place you first met. Try to rekindle those first sparks, I believe in you.

Dean

[never-to-be-homeless]

Dean? Hey, it's Idrin again. I'm finally bearing good news! So, you know Ruben officially became my boyfriend but I still had a hard time trusting him after what happened when I was a kid, and that I couldn't stand the thought of spending a night with anyone the opposite gender? Well, I finally gave a it a shot for the first time three weeks ago after a party when he was tired and didn't have any way of getting home, so when he asked me if he could sleep over at my place, I told him yes. >

Since then I’ve slept over at his place twice, I just though that when he slept over at my place it went okay, so what the hell? And it was really nice, he held me while I fell asleep and we cuddled a bit. It’s just, when I was sleeping over at his I had so much trouble fighting anxiety attacks for some reason. I had to open the window and sit in the sill for a while as he just rubbed my back and waited patiently for me to get into bed. But that night I slept over I started having terrible problems with my anxiety, and now, after I slept over at his one more time this past weekend, I just can’t breathe around him anymore and I don’t know why, he hasn’t hurt me or touched me in any way I would freak out about, we have just been sleeping, and nothing more, together. Sometimes I just need to go outside to get fresh air and he follows me out and asks if I’m okay or if he can do anything to help me. And he just holds my hand or holds me tigther, or kisses the top of my head as signs of affection, that he cares and that he’s not gonna let anything or anyone hurt me and I want to trust that. The anxiety occurs so much just when I’m with him, alone while we’re watching a movie or something and I hate it. Aside from that we’re totally perfect and it’s amazing! We’ve been together for 1 1/2 month now <3

Kiddo that is so amazing, I am so happy for you! Ruben seems to be really good for you, and a great guy in general. Good on you for giving things a shot!

You found it alright when he was at yours, is that still the case? If so, gradually build it up by becoming more confident with him at yours before staying over at his again. But as to the general anxiety, I'm glad you know what you need to do when it happens, and what helps and he's supportive. It's been a few days since your message, sorry this reply took so long, have things continued the same. In one case, all it might take is some time just for you to get used to it and comprehend fully what's going on. I know anxiety isn't what you want right now, but this should decrease over time. In the mean time, try using yourself to reassure you. If you feel anxious, tell yourself that there is nothing to worry about and repeat the words he said to you. Say these words out loud, maybe even the mirror when he isn't there and you aren't anxious. 

I wish you both the best of luck Idrin!

Your friend,

Dean

[never-to-be-homeless]

Dean? Idrin here. I was at a party on Saturday at Ruben's and I had a little too much alcohol so at some point I started crying because of a song I heard that reminded me of how much I missed my brothers when I was away those three months. I cried for like half an hour and Ruben decided to take care of me so once he realized he couldn't stop me from crying he did everything else instead; made sure I didn't drink any more, that I drank water instead, got fresh air and didn't hurt myself. >

At some point that night I manically started calling three of my brothers who weren’t there and I couldn’t get a hold of two of them and it broke me even more, not being able to talk to them when I was so upset/happy. When I was outside getting fresh air with Ruben I admitted the fact that “I don’t live FOR my brothers, I live BECAUSE OF my brothers” and he just seemed cool with that. Afterwards he put me on the kitchen counter inside, made me put down my phone and >he wiped away my tears, telling me I’d be alright and then he realized my scars were exposed and he sort of stroked over them and then said to me he was not gonna ask me why, he didn’t wanna force it upon me to try to explain and he wanted me to wait until I was comfortable, and then he kissed me. And I was laying in his arms almost the entire party and it was so amazing and I’m so in love! And then came the biggest moment of the night. > My little brother was also there, he was also drunk and he came up to me when I was sitting alone on the kitchen counter and he asked me “have you really not stopped crying yet?” half an hour after the song that made me upset, ended, and he started calling out for Ruben and went to talk to him and Ruben came over, saying “I was told go to calm down my girfriend.” So we’re sort of together now, and that’s amazing :’) So this was basically just a happy post. <3

Kiddo I'm so happy to hear this! You deserve everything and Ruben is a lucky guy to have you, don't you ever forget that.

You know where I am if you ever need me again,

Dean