#ifag

[after-zeno]

Image: ‘French Six-Day Bicycle Race’ by Edward Hopper.

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{after-zeno fiction} : ‘The Ride’

Part 5: New Dawn

i.

While delighted by the ‘antique’ cyclist prep box wheeled out before the start of that day’s racing in the ‘Tour de France’, it has to be said that Nate faced the morning after his ‘reckoning’ in a funk.

His mind and feelings in shards - the pink, morning light was both comforting and disorienting.

Scanning his mind and body, Nate sought to come to grips with his new queer experiences.

Image: John MacLean, Ottowa

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ii.

As the day’s racing got under way, Nate’s erotic antennae were primed to the point of distraction.

The beauty of many riders was subtle, non-obvious, but everywhere!

The lines and contours of the human body, especially the male body, were sources of sheer joy.

There were beautiful hands and shoulders and....

Image: @lakey​122

Of course, some riders loved to gear-up to make an impression - actually, a quite queer impression!

Image: via @happyinlycra

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iii.

Intriguingly, quite a few race riders cultivated a very specific look: the ‘modest’,’ smoothish’, and faux, emasculated look - even if fellow riders prodded and teased them!

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iv.

Yet, despite the sheer exhilaration of his new ‘eye’ - alone at the end of the racing day, Nate yearned for something more.

But the words, language, would not come to express (even less to salve) just what that yearning was.

Image: simone nobili, dust magazine

                                             ‘The Ride’

                                        Part 5: New Dawn

                                                 The End

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*If you wish to go Part 6: Team Spirit of this series: https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/653693727525765122/image-le-tdf-madness-03-miki-de-goodaboom

*If you wish to go to Part 1: Dreams of this series: see:https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/635394226218270720/image-guillermo-p%C3%A9rez-villalta-spanish-b

[after-zeno]

Image: adapted from original by Rafael Silveira

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{after-zeno fiction} : ‘The Ride’

Part 8: Becoming

i.

Baths, baths and more baths!

Nate’s mind was free-floating. But every move hurt even when immersed in a cooling bath.

The hurt brought back the crash - Nate’s inglorious exit from the ‘Tour de France’.

But eventually, the iced water numbed the pain setting Nate’s mind free.

Image: Jutta Koether at Museum Abteiberg via @mentaltimetraveller​

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ii.

Whether win, lose or exit from ‘the magnificent race’, the bonds with other racers persisted and made the vast commitment to professional cycling worthwhile.

This was especially the case in relation to Nate’s own team with whom he was often sequestered for long periods.

Image: Liquigas-Cannondale team at rest via pinterest.

Bonds were formed ‘on the road’ in competition, and also in the long periods of team training where shared facilities (and experiences) were the norm.

Image: Septemberists2 via @homotography

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iii.

But Nate’s ‘bonds’ with non-team competitors also ran deep.

‘Explorations’ after-hours had connected him body and mind with an array of fellow cyclists.

The consequences were profound.  Nate’s desires and psyche were wrenched in totally new but, dare l say, fulfilling ways.

Nights of emotional and bodily immersion, of touch re-made him; recast his sense of the possible!

And with this re-making came inchoate signs of new ways of being.

Image: via @cervo51​ and @hoscos​

                                                         *

iv.

But how to live, now?

Queer? Gay?

Do these communities still offer distinct and fulfilling ways forward?

Might recreating the affirming, communal life of the team and peloton become a new, audacious way of living?

Nate mused, not for the first time: “who should l become?”

Image: via @eratoarchives​

                                              ‘The Ride’

                                          Part 8: Becoming                                               (Series Final)

                                                The End

*If you wish to go to Part 1: Dreams of this series: see:https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/635394226218270720/image-guillermo-p%C3%A9rez-villalta-spanish-b

[after-zeno]

Image: Guillermo Pérez Villalta (Spanish, b. 1948), El temporizador elíptico [The Elliptic Timer], 1989. Oil on canvas, 200 x 140 cm  via @terminusantequem

                                                          *

{after-zeno fiction} : ‘The Ride’

Part 1: Dreams

i.

One, ‘Nathan Carraway’, rested after the long, training ride.

Contemplating his future made him unduly anxious.

Hopefully, in a few weeks, the years of single-minded focus would yield that greatest opportunity for a cyclist - a spot in a Tour de France team!

Image: via @bi-cyclistnetn​

                                                          *

ii.

Sleep came only slowly that evening.

But once it did - Nate was soon all over the races to come - every which way!

A keen student of history, it was no surprise that Nathan’s mind’s-eye conjured up a heroic image of cyclists as inheritors of a competitive charioteer tradition.

Image: Otto Cushing

But, of course, Nate’s mind flutters soon turned to glory!

He dreamed of wearing the yellow jersey - and for some reason - memories of Cadel Evan’s win coursed through his sub-conscious.

                                                              *

iii.

Nate woke with a start in the early morning.

He felt dirty, pervy - and even checked his neck for the hickeys he glimpsed in his fantasm.

Image: Jordan Torres

Where did his dreams dredge up such stuff from!

Focus!

He could become a cycling legend if only he put everything out of his mind.

Refracted through a hazy dawn, Nate cussed - “focus, for goodness’ sake, focus!”

Image: Polaroid, Andrei Tarkovsky via @nobrashfestivity

                                                            *

                                                  ‘The Ride’

                                                 Part 1: Dreams

                                                    The End

*For ‘The Ride’ Part 2: ‘Team-Building’ see:

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/637564836563304448/image-via-attilioworld

[after-zeno]

{Advisory} Blog Name Change

‘ifag’ is now ‘after-zeno’.

The blog brief/aim is the same. But it was time for a name-change.

Why? See: https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/626522070719840256/blog-advisory-from-ifag-to-after-zeno-same

[after-zeno]

{ifag advisory}

This has been a summer dashed even cancelled in Australia.

Nature, climate change, and weather patterns have conspired to create a rolling emergency in the country.

Ecological disruption and the socio-political context have combined to thwart usual private activities such as the pleasures of summer on the ifag blog. Such pleasures are less meaningful right now.

The blog will return in a few weeks when the blogger (and the nation?) have regained some composure.

Note: ifag’s ‘brother’ blog @dialogue-queered is covering ‘vignettes’ fron the Australian crisis.

[after-zeno]

{ifag advisory}

What a turbulent time at tumblr!

How invested l/we have all become in our online identities and communities. Above all, thanks to all visitors as well as fellow tumblr bloggers for exchanges of all types.

ifag will remain on tumblr for now, but will most likely, gradually, be superseded by bagoas1.wordpress.com which, when constructed, will have the same purpose: exploring queer sass - whether ethics, power, fantasy, service, creativity or homosociality generally. (*More on bagoas, ‘the persian boy’, later).

Meanwhile, summer beckons in Australia (yay!), and l am going to take a few weeks off. This will also allow me to take the measure of the new tumblr ‘regime’.

All power to all queer brothers and sisters (and everyone in-between)!

See you in 2019!

[after-zeno]

{after-zeno fiction} Male Models, Murder and Mayhem

1.

Introducing Kody, the celebrity photographer

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/176652549078/image-codycallahan555-via-luz-natural-this-is-a

2.

Smoked

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/176637787288/image-quentin-homotography-nicolas-01-this-is-a

3.

Of Sun and Sacrifice

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/176370711303/image-kerry-degman-via-klaasj86-l-love-this

4.

The Thrill of It All

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/175978875508/image-via-maximien

5.

Undone

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/175806328288/image-artsymalephotographytumblrcom-via

6.

Kody’s Fate.

https://after-zeno.tumblr.com/post/175705331793/image-codycallahan555-by-katjamuller-via

[after-zeno]

Image via @maximien

(Note: this fantasy/fictional riff in no way reflects the actuality of Eian Scully’s life)

1.

‘Ian’, the male model, and Kody had done many shoots together. They had also socialised and exchanged confidences. One of Ian’s confidences sparked Kody’s particular attention: Ian loved danger; indeed he often made brief, intense visits to war-zones for the thrill.

Carrying this knowledge with him, Kody hatched a plan to indulge a private passion. First, he invited Ian to a shoot at Odessa, Ukraine. Ian responded quizzically: “Isn’t this a city beseiged?” “Exactly”, answered Kody, “just your thing”. Ian broke into a wide grin.

Two months later, Ian rang to accept. Subsequently, the two set off.

2.

Kody chose a dangerous ‘no-man’s land’ suburb in Odessa, and cased-out an abandoned but intact residence. Ian seemed intoxicated by the whole setting right down to the occasional gun-fire and whistling bullet. He whistled and grinned.

The two scouted around for assorted ‘rescued’ cushions and a couch, and a fine scene for the shoot was created - even with light rain falling.

 Even so, as the shoot began, the fighting seemed to intensify.

Image: via http://gawker.com/ukraines-twilight-war-zone-kiev-turns-odessa-burns-1729662435

3.

Amidst the sounds of war, Ian seemed to become more of a flirt, more seductive. He was clearly excited and intense, and posed accordingly. He was oblivious to the dangers.

Kody was delighted - his images seemed to ‘deify’ Ian in poses of eternal beauty. Kody had his sought-after images.

Image: @forthebeautifulmen

4.

It happened like a bolt - a bomb hit the next house and shrapnel flew everywhere. Ian was struck in the ankle and calf - and fell over in shock grimacing in pain and disorientation.

After tieing up Ian’s leg in towels, he packed his kit and headed out. “I will go for help”, offered Kody reassuringly.

Image: David Deweerd ‘Naked Figure Bleeding’

5.

But Kody’s intentions were malign, the circle was now squared on his private passion: encouraging the destructive passions or addictions or tendencies of handsome male models, organising a shoot apparently giving the model licence to indulge, and then capturing their enthralled beauty on film even as their lives were put in utmost danger.

Just a few hours later, ‘Ian’ the handsome model bled out, and became one of what Christian Boltanski has called: “Odessa’s ghosts”.

Image: Christian Boltanski, Odessa’s Ghosts, 2005 via @for-the-duke-of-paris