Anxiety fucking blows
So with all the absolute shit that is going on in the country from this immigration imprisonment bull shit to people being harassed on social media, I can’t express to you how much I want to be out there ending the hate and dysfunction. I want to make a difference. But no the moment I dip my toe in that pool all the red lights start going of in my head. I start freaking out that nothing I will do makes a difference, no one will listen, I will put all this effort into trying to make a difference and nothing will happen. No one will listen to me I’m just another white girl...
THEN when I’m like “shut up no matter what I do it helps!”...and oh boy I wish that would work but then my anxiety is like “oh okay then fine, people will notice and then you will be in danger, they will call you names, people will fucking kill or rape you if you try, not to mention if you try you will become homeless because you won’t be able to fucking focus on your own life. But also not doing anything makes you a selfish bitch! Stop making excuses!”
And I’m sitting here in tears torn between helping the world and my own mental health. And fucking when I think of taking care of myself I hear the voices of the internet saying “selfish bitch! Other people are suffering and need your help, yet you are not helping them and have the audacity to want to make your life good and stress free?! You are what is wrong in the world you white bitch! Haha anxiety is just a fucking thing you kind of people made up to excuse your inaction!”
But like literally I don’t have the will power or the ground beneath my feet to do anything that makes the difference that is needed. I’m drowning in my guilt of inaction yet I know I will loose myself and crash and burn if I do anything substancal.
