#ifyoueverreadthis

[lettersfromthejourneyy]

Searching For A Feeling

For the last 4 months, I have been acting out of desperation and fear.

It’s has caused me to act and behave outside my character. Caused me to hurt people I care about, hurt myself, and negate much of the growth I have done. Because while I was making improvements I still didn’t realize I was operating from a place of desperation.

Watched this video Tuesday night called “Thirst Trap” by Micheal Todd and it has been on my mind ever since.

Everyone is searching for something, the problem usually arises in where we go to find it. Do we go to a source or resource?

While I don’t agree with everything that is said, so much of it resonates.

I know better now and won’t allow myself make decision and actions out of fear and desperation.

~ To the One that I have hurt, disrespected, and disappointed the most; I will never allow myself to be that person again.

[betweenthedevilandthedeepblue]

This isn’t a fuck you letter This isn’t to spit rage This isn’t to be sympathetic This isn’t to blame you This isn’t to apologize either

We both knew what we were doing We both knew we were at fault We both knew the outcome We both knew sorry couldn’t fix this

You know I regret nothing You know it was an experience You know it made stronger You know what your right I do deserve better

You were always afraid You were always indecisive You were always cold You were always special I will always accept how you are

Maybe I was a fool Maybe I was impulsive Maybe I was impatient Maybe I just wasn’t myself

Not saying you were the poison And cause Not saying you never cared And never made an effort Not saying you were the bullshiter And a liar Not saying you werent worth the wait And that it was all a waste Not saying you were wrong And I was right In the end, we were both to blame

We can restart one day We can throw this to the past We can grow and develop We can talk again, not today Nor tomorrow or the next day But in the future

Just take care, because i’ll always worry Just be happy, we both deserve this Just remember promises, I can’t forget them Just don’t forget October