#igniterroremophobia

[themogaidragon]

Phobia Flags, Fourth Part.

Hygrophobia : Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture.

Hypnophobia : Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.

Igniterroremophobia : Fear of fire alarms. 

Megalophobia : Fear of large things.

Microvophobia : fear of microwave ovens.

[friedaaaaaaargh]

Another phobia ramble

I’m typing this for one day in the near of distant future some person experiencing similar issues will see this (as I get increasingly terrified by even the thought of an alarm, the English gets more illegible).

I have igniterroremophobia (ligyrophobia/phonophobia) which basically for me is a completely bizarre fear of alarms (mainly fire alarms).

As I’ve moved to an environment where the need to have millions of alarms for various health and safety reasons (this is the UK of course) is required, I’ve noticed this fear has escalated massively. It’s been on my mind a lot this week after an incident on Tuesday where now my entire workplace knows I was outside shaking like a leaf on a bench for an hour to avoid a fire test at a conference (I walked out of someone’s talk which was very rude of me, but good job I did as they tested the alarm early). I’ve spent the week ashamed and hiding from people as I’m aware of how ridiculous I must look, and also know that my lab group probably want to know why they tell me I need to help them with an alarm-triggering procedure and suddenly I’m nowhere to be found.

I’m not sure when my fear started exactly, but it did. Initially, I used to spend the entire end of the school year dreading class allocations as I didn’t want to be in the classroom that had an alarm in it. At the beginning of school year was fire drill season and they’d tell us at the beginning of a certain week we’d be having one and I could never focus. In sixth form I had to be excused from a lesson as i overheard a teacher talking about a fire drill that afternoon and was so embarrassed and my teacher suggested exposure therapy.

I barely slept for a year at uni because I was so terrified of being woken by the fire alarm (not a nice experience I’ll tell you) making me exhausted. I used to be terrified to take showers, to walk around without headphones (still the case) and have the toilet with a fire alarm in the room (trust me I do seem to always be on the toilet when an alarm goes off.) I thought during lockdown it got better, afterwards I went back to uni and deliberately chose my desk to be under the fire alarm as an act of defiance to myself but it wasn’t to be.

Currently, I can’t work with liquid nitrogen, I do not work with cryo-EM either for fear of the alarms going off. Everytime they do engineering work I get stressed. I hate level crossings, I hate my smoke alarm but I’m coming to peace slowly with that one. I currently can’t work in my office on Monday afternoons as they test the fire alarm at SOME point (depends when they feel like it) that day, but sometimes they just move it to Tuesday for the lols. I can’t visit the school of medicine on a Wednesday morning, biology on a Thursday morning or lecture on a Thursday morning. I know exposure therapy will help but the alarms are loud and everywhere and I can’t find a place to slowly expose myself. I missed my first year PhD taught lectures due to them always being when the fire alarm went off, in the end I had to confess my fear before I got a bad reputation and they moved the lectures! But the other students started complaining how ridiculous it was .

When I travel for conferences I stay up all night because I’m terrified I’ll have to evacuate. I moved out of my flat after one month because the students above kept setting off the fire alarm. I refuse to live in high rise tower blocks so live miles away from my workplace so the only person I know whose gonna be setting off any alarms is me.

For me, the worst part of my fear is the fear of it suddenly happening, or knowing it’s going to happen at some point that day but not exactly when. If and when it happens, I feel sick for the rest of the day. If alone when it happens there’ll be crying and screaming.

On Tuesday I was scheduled to present at a conference and I’ve got a reputation as quite a good speaker. Last year I had an awful time at the conference as I was really unwell and nearly didn’t go this year cos of memories but thought I’d suck it up and deal with it. When we turned up, they announced we were expecting a fire alarm in the afternoon. I was in the middle of the room completely unable to get out. There was no guarantee it’d go off at said time, I was terrified. My speech was a mess, I sat quietly during lunch and excused myself in the afternoon by leaving the talks to lots of stares. I sat by the river crying for an hour and was so angry at myself. I’d told a friend where I was and she later coaxed me back in saying the alarm was finished. It was not, but she wanted to make sure I was in the room for the next session. As I was walking to the building it went off again. I walked into the next session and the organiser looks at me and warned me they were probably not finished testing (in front of the whole room) I ran out crying whoops and was also embarrassed and saw the friend outside who had lured me back in (and was now tryna stop me from bolting out the door home) who then angrily told me the alarm was actually quite nice (NICE?) but that she’d go and ask them to stop. I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the conference and I didn’t go to the after party, instead going home and laying in bed humiliated and angry. I haven’t spoken to anyone from the conference since out of pure shame.

I’m tryna work out how to help myself but the thought of exposure therapy makes me feel a tiny bit sick. This kinda just turned into me dumping all my thoughts from the week on as I’ve been very angry at my phobia and really want to stop it as to be fair it’s ruining my work performance. Also our annual fire drill is this month so he he he.

[flugelwhisper]

I just saw your post tagged with Igniterroremophobia and trust me, you are NOT alone.

Oh shit I just saw this. I'm sorry if you've been waiting on me to see this. (I don't tend to check my inbox regularly.) I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to relate to it. It was more for publicity I think. (And also getting out there for my sanity.) I'm glad you read it and were kind to send me a message! My phobia has gotten better, I believe. (Then again, I skipped the last fire drill here because I figured it out, so....) I don't know when you sent this, but I hope you're doing well. 💕

[flugelwhisper]

So uhhhhhh apparently they've already started their semesterly fire alarm tests. And I have a big stupid phobia of them. (Like I won't go into my living room because it's so close to the hallway and the alarm is loud as shit from out there.)

And I've had this since like Pre-K and it's never gone away. I hate it. I hate how bad it's gotten. I am in tears thinking about it. I just hate it so bad. Why is it this bad?

P.s. It's called: igniterroremophobia

[flugelwhisper]

Igniterroremophobia

Ever since I was around four, I've had this kinda dumb fear. Fire alarms.

Yeah. I got mocked for having esentially panic attacks when one was mentioned/they went off. I would shove my fingers in my ears and ran out as quickly as possible. (Tornado drills were worse, considering we had to stay inside for the alarm.) But, I got good at hiding me plugging my ears. (A common one is leaning my head on one hand.)

When I was in elementary and middle school (same private school), I would always feel something was off on days we had fire drills. (There's a story about my principal having to drag me off the bus, but I'll leave it for another day.) I wouldn't wanna go to school. But I had to.

And, without fail, we would have a fire drill that day.

I got excited when it rained or when it got below freezing. That meant no fire drills. (And I could look at our alarm in our room and not fear it going off.)

I have plenty of stories like these. I remember fire alarms more than school stories. (My Catholic school had like 7 a year. And we had to go down this sketchy-as-hell fire escapes.) I know one time we had a fire drill, but no tornado drill. (We had them almost always back-to-back.) We were in the computer lab and I resorted to typing with my elbows.

But. It's gotten so bad when I moved to college. (Our fire alarm is outside my apartment.) I've had to wear earbuds as I walk inside my apartment. I don't use the living room because it's loud as hell in there when it goes off. (It's literally on the other side of the wall.) I can't function without a roommate there. I can't shower sometimes cause I'm paranoid it'll go off and I'll have a guy pounding on my door again.

I hate it when people tell me they are important. I know. People have been telling me for the past decade. I KNOW. I have a fear of sudden loud noises.

I know we need fire drills. I know.... But that's what also makes my anxiety spike: Knowing that they are important; knowing they are a yearly thing.

I probably should go to therapy for it. (Hell, just looking at one makes my anxiety spike.) But I am a poor college kid.

But now I finally have a word for it and I don't feel so dumb now.

Maybe I'll share some of my stories surrounding Igniterroremophobia.

Anyway. Goodnight, y'all.