I don’t know if I can, and I really don’t want to, but I guess I don’t have any other choice at this particular moment. We’ve become so intertwined that it feels like somebody died, and I’m grieving. Never in my life have I been so intimate with anybody else, and the flashbacks of these intimate moments are what hurt the most. Did I ruin my chance in life to continue to experience a love that nourishes the soul?
Nevertheless, her coldness and succinctness have been resounding, and I can take a hint. I have to be considerate of her mental health and not keep allowing her to get sucked into my whirlwind/blackhole of a life. It’s not fair, and it’s not what I want for her. She deserves better, and I want the best for her; No matter how much I hurt, even if it feels like a thousand knives have sliced my heart into pieces so tiny that they’re no longer visible. That’s what love is.
I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank her for everything, and I hope the best for her. I hope I showed her a love that was worthwhile, because it’s the most open and genuine I’ve ever been with another human being. I hope that I was a positive influence on her life because she influenced mine in ways I never imagined at this point in my life. Maybe this isn’t the end, maybe it is. I just have to go with the flow, not be a selfish human being, and give her what she continuously verbalizes she needs.