starter for @illuminans
the drive back to their home felt much longer than it took to get to the clinic in the first place. on the way there, the two of them were hopeful and buoyant about the future, and now, on the way back / it has been the most silent and painful experience. of course, when they first received the news that gwendolyn’s cancer was 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭, it was a swift punch to the gut. even swifter, gwendolyn’s life expectancy was about a year. however, mildred plastered on a forced smile out of pure instinct at this point, immediately trying to ease her lover’s fears ( 𝒐𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒘𝒏 ) and telling her that they 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 find a doctor who wasn’t afraid to do their goddamned jobs. telling her that it didn’t matter 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥, that she refused to give up. all the while tears rolled down blotchy, blushed cheeks.
understandably, mildred’s attemps at both comforting and projecting her own feelings were shut down, and mildred just let her thoughts devour her in the silence of the automobile. but she made sure to keep her lover’s hand within her own, the other on the steering wheel, gently rubbing gwen’s knuckles with her thumb / just to offer the smallest amounts of comfort until they arrived home. this wouldn’t be the last time mildred would try and convince gwendolyn to seek out further options, but for now ― 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓.
once they arrived home, mildred already felt as though her chest might explode. thoughts of what life would be like without gwendolyn briggs plagued the entire car ride, and just the 𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃 of it made mildred’s heart physically ache more than ever. opening the front door, the nurse entered after her girlfriend, dropping the car keys into the dish by the door. the emotions in the room practically hung heavy in the air, it almost made it difficult to breathe properly. but still, 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞, though her eyes told a truer story, as her blue hues looked into gwen’s. taking a step forward, closing the small distance between them, mildred raised a gentle hand to caress her lover’s warm cheek, “𝚒’𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚘 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊 𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚎, 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚑,” she told her, meanwhile her throat was almost failing her as the emotions bubbled up toward the surface.
her lower lip wavering only slightly as she walked toward the bathroom, she made sure to get all the way inside, close the door and start the bath water before giving in to her grief. she took a heavy seat onto the top of the toilet seat lid, grabbing a towel on her way down. she used it to muffle the sound of heartbroken sobs.