#illuminans

[alyafae-a]

          ❝ i believe, ❞     oh, this was not easy, not at all. but betsy knew it was appropriate and necessary. even she could admit when someone had something nice for her.     ❝ i haven’t thanked you for your help yet. at the dance. you didn’t have to do that. ❞     ...     @illuminans​

[mqryalice]

starter for @illuminans

She realises she's been caught staring when she looks up and meets the other woman's gaze, and a blush rises high in her cheeks. Panic sweeps through her, her heart beginning to race in her chest as she realises there's no way to properly explain why she was staring, especially not now that she's reacted like this. A sense of horror overwhelms her, and she looks away quickly, her shoulders hunching as she stares down at her hands, fingers curling into fists to stop them shaking.

'Forgive me', she breathes, 'please, I... I didn't mean to...' except she had, hadn't she? She'd been staring because the other woman is beautiful, so beautiful, and there's a part of her that aches to be closer to her. And now she doubts she'll ever see her again. 'I'm sorry', she mumbles, 'I... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable'.

[alyafae-a]

          bathing in the sunlight, streaming in through the window, a soft smile on her lips. a rare sight, surely, though with gwendolyn, it wasn’t as rare as one would assume. brown eyes find the other woman, hand gently pressed against her cheek, thumb brushing over her skin.     ❝ i have been dreaming about this. ❞     this having gained different meanings. being with you; the beginning.   seeing you well; when she heared of her sickness.   a peaceful life, for however long it might last; more recently.      ...     @illuminans​

[aluraze]

starter for @illuminans

She’s always had a keen eye for faces, and so when she notices the unfamiliar woman sitting quietly in the low lights, she can’t help but be curious. She’s beautiful, and Alura can feel her eyes on her throughout her performance, like a warm caress against her skin. It’s invigorating, and she loses herself to the music, meeting the woman’s eyes across the room and smiling as she sings to her. 

When the performance ends, she drops a small curtsey to the sound of applause, and makes her way off the stage towards the woman, waving her hand towards the waiter with a smile to indicate she’d like a drink before she sinks into a chair at the woman’s table. She smiles at her, and murmurs, ‘it’s not often I see a face here that I don’t recognise’. She tilts her head, her eyes roving over the woman’s face, eyes twinkling in the low light. ‘Enjoy the show?’

[killertolleson]

      THERE’S    SOMETHING    DIFFERENT    ABOUT    THIS    ONE    –    the way he’s observed her moving through the home at night    ,    the way she dresses    ;    the way she shares a bedroom with mildred.    for months he’s been observing    –    stalking his prey.    it’s the day that separates the pair    ,    sharing the darkness that brings all these dangers.    sibling has disappeared for the day    ,    leaving a rather sick woman to venture on her own.    perfect for a new friend to crawl into the building & make his official introduction.

      the knife sits behind him    ,    toyed between fingers.    menacing hues focus on the the strange woman    ,    laying upon the bed    –    asleep.    it’s boring when they’re asleep.    what kind of predator would play with something so defenseless.    no    ,    he just wants to introduce himself    ;    after all    ,    this woman could become his    –    what    ?    (    sister - in - law    ?    )    they’re family.

      crouching before her    ,    he waits.    he’d like this little encounter to be a    –    pleasant surprise.    digits draw up to the woman’s features    ,    brushing against her jawline silently.

      starter.    /    illuminans

[psychvibe]

fluffy  /  smutty  starter  for  @illuminans​​.

          𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐃  𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐓  𝐀𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓  was  working  twice  as  hard  to  pump  the  hot  blood  through  her  veins   /   her  emotions  were  all  over  the  place.   thoughts  raced  through  her  mind.  gwendolyn  was  kissing  her,  their  tear - stained  cheeks  brushing  as  mildred  only  deepened  the  already  passionate  kiss.   they  told  one  another  they  loved  each  other.   but  gwendolyn  has  cancer.   

𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛.

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕  𝒂  𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍  𝒋𝒐𝒌𝒆.   the  very  first  time  mildred  feels  this  amount  of  sheer,  unbridled  joy  ( 𝚊  𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚎  𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎,  as  gwen  would  say ),  the  universe  was  already  trying  to  remove  the  source  from  her  life.   perhaps  this  was  god  or  whoever’s  punishment  for  all  of  the  truly  atrocious  acts  she’s  partaken  in  over  the  years   /   acts  she  would  no  doubt  do  all  over  again  given  the  chance.   

but  the  feeling  of  gwen’s  lips  against  hers  managed  to  eventually  dampen  the  pain  and  the  fear,  and  instead  she  was  filled  with  an  overwhelming  rush  of  warmth  over  her  entire  body.  her  thoughts  slowly  faded  until  there  was  nothing  left  but  the  𝒕𝒘𝒐  𝒐𝒇  𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎,  together  at  long  last.   never  in  her  entire  life  had  she  felt  this  kind  of  instantaneous  physical  desire  for  another  human  being   /   it  was  so  tender  and  loving,  yet  filled  with  so  much  intensity.   not  once  had  a  physical  encounter  such  as  this  left  her  without  a  feeling  of  dread  deep  within  the  pit  of  her  stomach,  until  now.   right  now,  in  gwendolyn’s  arms,  mildred  had  never  felt  safer.        𝚜𝚑𝚎  𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛  𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍  𝚝𝚘  𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎  𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜. 

[psychvibe]

starter for @illuminans​​

               the  drive  back  to  their  home  felt  much  longer  than  it  took  to  get  to  the  clinic  in  the  first  place.   on  the  way  there,  the  two  of  them  were  hopeful  and  buoyant  about  the  future,  and  now,  on  the  way  back   /   it  has  been  the  most  silent  and  painful  experience.   of  course,  when  they  first  received  the  news  that  gwendolyn’s  cancer  was  𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐚𝐧𝐝  𝐟𝐚𝐫  𝐭𝐨𝐨  𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝  𝐭𝐨  𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭,  it  was  a  swift  punch  to  the  gut.  even  swifter,  gwendolyn’s  life  expectancy  was  about  a  year.   however,  mildred  plastered  on  a  forced  smile  out  of  pure  instinct  at  this  point,  immediately  trying  to  ease  her  lover’s  fears   ( 𝒐𝒓  𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒔  𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚  𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒕𝒐  𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒆  𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎  𝒉𝒆𝒓  𝒐𝒘𝒏 )  and  telling  her  that  they  𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻  find  a  doctor  who  wasn’t  afraid  to  do  their  goddamned  jobs.   telling  her  that  it  didn’t  matter  𝐡𝐨𝐰  𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡  𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲  𝐨𝐫  𝐡𝐨𝐰  𝐟𝐚𝐫  𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲  𝐡𝐚𝐝  𝐭𝐨  𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥,  that  she  refused  to  give  up.  all  the  while  tears  rolled  down  blotchy,  blushed  cheeks. 

understandably,  mildred’s  attemps  at  both  comforting  and  projecting  her  own  feelings  were  shut  down,  and  mildred  just  let  her  thoughts  devour  her  in  the  silence  of  the  automobile.   but  she  made  sure  to  keep  her  lover’s  hand  within  her  own,  the  other  on  the  steering  wheel,  gently  rubbing  gwen’s  knuckles  with  her  thumb   /   just  to  offer  the  smallest  amounts  of  comfort  until  they  arrived  home.   this  wouldn’t  be  the  last  time  mildred  would  try  and  convince  gwendolyn  to  seek  out  further  options,  but  for  now  ―  𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚  𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅  𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕  𝒃𝒆  𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓.

once  they  arrived  home,  mildred  already  felt  as  though  her  chest  might  explode.   thoughts  of  what  life  would  be  like  without  gwendolyn  briggs  plagued  the  entire  car  ride,  and  just  the  𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃  of  it  made  mildred’s  heart  physically  ache  more  than  ever.   opening  the  front  door,  the  nurse  entered  after  her  girlfriend,  dropping  the  car  keys  into  the  dish  by  the  door.   the  emotions  in  the  room  practically  hung  heavy  in  the  air,  it  almost  made  it  difficult  to  breathe  properly.   but  still,  𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐝  𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝  𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫  𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤  𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞,  though  her  eyes  told  a  truer  story,  as  her  blue  hues  looked  into  gwen’s.   taking  a  step  forward,  closing  the  small distance  between  them,  mildred  raised  a  gentle  hand  to  caress  her  lover’s  warm  cheek,  “𝚒’𝚖  𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚝𝚘  𝚐𝚘  𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚠  𝚢𝚘𝚞  𝚊  𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚎,  𝚑𝚘𝚝  𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚑,”  she  told  her,  meanwhile  her  throat  was  almost  failing  her  as  the  emotions  bubbled  up  toward  the  surface.   

her  lower  lip  wavering  only  slightly  as  she  walked  toward  the  bathroom,  she  made  sure  to  get  all  the  way  inside,  close  the  door  and  start  the  bath  water  before  giving  in  to  her  grief.   she  took  a  heavy  seat  onto  the  top  of  the  toilet  seat  lid,  grabbing  a  towel  on  her  way  down.   she  used  it  to  muffle  the  sound  of  heartbroken  sobs.  

[attherfingertips]

"you had a long, hard day... didn't you?"

@illuminans

Millie sighs and smiles but the energy fails her halfway through. It comes out... wonky. No façade left to give. The day had been far longer than she’d realised. 

Good friends are of short supply on this, stickier, side of Atlantic << NOT A SHY SOCIALITE OF PARIS ANYMORE. >>. The California dream is a quickly dying thing, fading like the last light in the cigarette between her fingers.  That said, she finds that she harbours something of a fondness for its people: they ask you how they are, you know they mean it. 

Millie rests her sore head on the first three knuckles of her hand, and decides to answer in truth, 

“ Is there any other kind, these days ? ”