I have this headcanon that one day at the Illyrian camp when they were younger and training Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel would take rulers to their wingspans and subsequently fight over who had the biggest one, Cassian usually being the one to start it. Az would just sink into his shadows, watching Cassian and Rhys go at it and fight over who has the biggest wingspan, but would chuckle when they were both bruised and bloody over such a petty thing especially cuz Azriel knew that he, actually, has the biggest wingspan out of all of them so he’d just have this smug grin on his face while he watched them from the shadows.
Sorry I took so long writing this, but to make up for it, it is extremely long (relative to the other chapters). Just for anyone following it, this is part of my collab with @cataclysmic-star . She is amazing!!
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Nesta POV (2460 Words)
Having spoken to Elain I was feeling more positive. I would wait until the war was over to try and mend fences with Feyre, she had enough on her plate as it was. After all, this was her court now.
I had also tried to start attending the meetings with Cassian and had been proud to contribute. Mainly I pointed out issues that they would need to address, which though annoying and negative, I had been told was helpful. I had only gone a couple of times, though, Cassian and I in the same room wasn’t exactly a recipe for productivity.
It didn't matter, though, I fitted in at the camps and with all the female hating pricks gone, it was easy to forget that these women were only a few weeks into training, running their own camps in which some of them had previously been forced into menial labour. At first, many of them had continued to be angry at the men, some trying to form a rebellion, planning to use their new found skills against those who had withheld them from all women for so long. In the end, I had given up trying to talk them round and had just taken them into a camp to watch the punishments given out to men who conspired. If they wanted to be treated like equals then, though I didn’t want to inflict pain on the women who had become my friends despite the differences in our opinions and ranks, I would treat them the damn same in every aspect.
I had become so attached to my life at the camp, that when the week leading up to our attack approached, I was suddenly nervous. Not about the possibility of the loss of the lives of those I cared about, or even of myself, but the loss of the normality that I had finally accepted about this life. I dreaded the idea that after the war, if these women proved themselves, they would be integrated into the camps and I would loose my haven. Many of the friendships each of us had formed would be split up. The comradery I had come to cherish wouldn't be there anymore. I didn't even let myself think about what would happen to me if most of them died because the only way to not feel nervous about that was to not think of it. I think it was just the nervousness that had been making me feel uneasy, but I hadn't been able to shake the knot forming in the pit of my stomach, no matter how many times I watched the women beat the crap out of some of the most highly trained and respected Illyrian commanders, reassuring me that if this is what new recruits could do, we would be fine with a whole, lethal army. They weren't allowed to cause each other any serious damage due to the upcoming war, but the enemy wasn't going to be practising, so they had to train properly.
I had spent the whole of this particular Friday, exactly a week before we were to march on Hybern, training some of the weaker women. By the time I flew home, I was exhausted. After only being mated for seven weeks, I already loved coming home to mine and Cassian's home. We usually alternated the cooking, but since I felt ill, I decided that it was probably Cassian's turn to cook. So, I trudged into our bedroom, The house that we shared had two upstairs bedrooms and one downstairs one. At first we had taken the master bedroom, the largest of the three rooms, with views of the surrounding mountains away from the camps and a balcony with sliding doors to give you a view of the whole horizon, but as stunning as this room was, I could never be bothered to walk upstairs when I came home tired and so we had adopted both rooms. Crashing out on the downstairs bed when we came home, but keeping all of our belongings and still sleeping in the master bedroom.
When Cassian came home that evening, he found me curled up on the bed restlessly tossing and turning, it wasn't unusual for me to wait for Cassian to come home, only feeling safe enough to sleep when curled against him, but today it was different, I couldn't put my finger on it, but something just didn't feel right, even after Cassian had joined me. After lying there for five minutes trying to fall into sleep's sweet embrace, I rolled over in Cassian's arms. He opened one eye immediately and when he saw me looking at him, very much awake, we both sighed and sat up.
"I knew you weren't asleep, what's wrong? and don't even think about pulling all those girly mind games where you just say you're fine and you aren't, I can feel it remember."
"Honestly, Cassian. If I knew, I would tell you. My stomach has just been hurting all week and today my head has been pounding. I almost fell over in training it was really embarrassing."
I regretted telling him the moment I had done it because Cassian was my mate and that meant he didn't just care for or about me, he was ferociously protective. He made me stay in bed and went to fetch a healer... from Velaris. He said that since I had had it for a while we could wait for a better healer because it was unlikely to be anything too bad.
Fortunately, the healer didn't stay long, it only took about three questions and they knew what was wrong. I was pregnant. Although the morning sickness usually set in during the sixth week, it had been seven weeks since Cassian and I had mated so it was probably just coming on slowly said the healer. Cassian's demeanour changed when she said it and the healer wasted no time in giving us the relevant information and leaving.
I would like to say that we were both immediately overjoyed, but there was an awkward moment where we looked at each other.
Come on, we took far too long being honest about being mated. Just tell me HONESTLY what you're thinking. And remember, I can feel if you're lying.
That had become a very common phrase between the two of us. More of an inside joke than because we often kept secrets from each other. I used it now and gave him a mischievous smile, to relieve some of the tension, but without giving away my thoughts on the pregnancy. Seven weeks in we hadn't exactly spoken about what we wanted from our infinite lives together. Being a bastard child, I had assumed Cassian wanted a family, but now???
Cassian watched me cautiously, trying to gauge my reaction to his words as he spoke.
"Nesta, we are in the midst of a war, this is a wonderful thing at a terrible time. I wanted a family with you. I really did and I am happy that we are going to have a baby, but as a male, I have a need to protect you, which will only double now that there are more lives to protect. You, we, need to leave."
I had agreed with him up until that last bit.
"But you said it yourself Cassian, you need to protect me, and that means we need to fight against Hybern and destroy him before the baby comes into a world where he rules. I'm a maximum of seven weeks in we don't need to leave. Unless there's something about fae pregnancies you need to tell me?" I was genuinely concerned for a moment before Cassian huffed a laugh, I knew that was practically a roaring laugh a given the mood.
"Genuinely though Cassian, is there going to be any difference?"
"As much as it pains me to tell you, they are actually a little bit longer, so you are less far into the pregnancy than you would be as a human, but you are not allowed to use that against me. Also, it should be less painful, as a fae you'll have a higher pain thresh hold, but there aren't exactly any women who have experienced childbirth in both forms to testify to that and I still hear the screams from across the camp when a new Illyrian is born. Hey maybe he will have wings, I mean regardless he will have your magic, because children generally take on the stronger magic, puts a spanner in the works of quite a few marriages that one, so he, or she I mean, will be able to conjure them, but you asked about pregnancies and wings can sometimes complicate the birth." I smiled at him, truly happy that he was excited about the prospect, regardless of the stomach ache I could still feel before the medicine kicked in and the looming war.
There was a knock on the door and both of us silenced, I raised an eyebrow at him in silent question and tried to move off the bed. Cassian looked at me as if to say really, but then remembered I was new to this whole territorial thing
"Nesta, I need to keep you safe, so you cannot go to war. If you try to put yourself in harm's way it will cause me a lot of emotional stress. I don't even want Rhys or Azriel here, but since I am not leaving you to go speak to them, they are allowed in the living room. I know they won't force me to fight, so please agree to leave with me."
He was my mate so I didn't even try and fight him on it. I just nodded, relaxed against the pillows and said you know I'm going to take full advantage of this pregnancy, so get ready for 40 weeks, or however long this goes on for, of waiting on me hand and foot. Now go get the door, Rhys and Azriel will think they came to the wrong place otherwise.
"No, they won't, Rhys knows what it's like to have a mate."
Cassian stalked out of the room, audibly taking deep calming breaths. I wondered if he was going to let them into the living room or whether he was going to make them have this conversation outside just to maintain the distance. I almost wanted to go outside just to spite Cassian, but as I thought of him feeling panicked, I felt panicked, damn shared feelings. I instead sent soothing words down the bond.
I am safe, I am happy, I am healthy, I love you, Rhys and Azriel wouldn't (and probably couldn't) hurt me, deep breaths, tell them that I get to break the news to Mor, Amren, Feyre and Elain.
They stopped being soothing after a while and I just enjoyed talking to my mate down the bond, trying instead to make him laugh and ignore the fact that, even though they were his friends, the two most powerful faeries in history, besides himself, were only a flimsy wooden door away from his mate, his pregnant mate. Nesta caught him thinking about this as he caught on to her distracting technique and she poked at his mental shield still talking to him through the gap he left just for her. Stop it Cassian. You're being stupid and if you're going to be like this I will send you off to fight Hybern and have Amren look after me. His thoughts stopped and he just gave me a feeling of confusion and disbelief. Yes, I said Amren, I would rather put up with her unsympathetic and generally unhelpful attitude during this pregnancy than your irrational worry. He growled at me for suggesting I would stop him from protecting me during this pregnancy, before beginning to speak to Rhys and Azriel, from the downstairs bedroom I listened tentatively.
“What’s wrong Cassian?” It was Azriel speaking, sounding genuinely concerned about him. Rhys spoke next, rather less patiently, “this is about Nesta, Az, clearly. For starters, she is nowhere to be seen and he is practically growling at us.” Addressing Cassian now, he spoke again, “are we going to be able to have a ration conversation or do you need to bloody us up a bit first?” His voice was a slow, teasing drawl and both Cassian and I felt the fire Rhys had been provoking rising up at the implied threat on Cassian, the promise of a fight. But Cassian took a breath, “I don’t need to punch anyone, unlike you, I have self-control, even when it comes to my mate.” And though a snarl slipped out, he felt a little bit of satisfaction at beating Rhys at being ‘less territorial’, which fueled his ego, easing the small need he had begun to feel to punch Rhys. “I actually want to talk about next Friday, Nesta and I won’t be joining you.”
Rhys sighed putting his hands on his face and gestured Cassian to take a seat on the sofas, regardless of the fact that it was our house and Cassian hadn’t wanted them to sit as it implied that they were welcome and that they were staying. Neither of which Cassian wanted.
"Cassian, I have a mate, I don't want her to fight either. Congratulations on persuading an Archeron to sit out, but you can't just move to a cabin so far from civilisation that nothing can hurt her. Letting Feyre go to the Spring Court was so hard, but it helped because now I know she can do it and it's easier to trust her with her own safety. You have to do this to help suppress the urges of the mating bond, it will be horrible, but it's for the best."
"She's pregnant." He ground out, indignant that Rhys would think Cassian was just fussing. Rhys and Azriel stood immediately. Sensing how unwelcoming two males were, so close to his pregnant mate. Both of them quickly agreed that Nesta shouldn't be allowed to fight and as they turned to leave, much to Cassian's relief, he remembered to tell them not to break the news to Mor, Amren, Feyre or Elain on pain of death. I smiled down the bond, my mate would take care of me, but he would do it his way, because he was overbearing and territorial and mine.
