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Questioning, questioning...

I don't normally post about gender questioning, but I've been thinking a lot about my bigender identity and how I am both male and then something I call neutrois. Neutrois might just be a placeholder term because no ningender really fits what that aspect of me feels like.

Today, I'm thinking maybe this outherine quality of my gender experience comes from that nebulously niaspec part of me. But I can't be so sure. I have two genders, so it's hard to pin down exactly where any gender quality is coming from.

So, if my other gender happened to not be neutrois, what would it be? I thought something centrine, like ilyneu or neutrautonome. This would indicate a gender in between neutral and ilyagender/maverique. But this doesn't feel like surety. This still feels fuzzy, unsure, intangible. It would be saying I'm between two genders but neither of them, as if I don't really have a solid direction toward any one point.

I also enjoy some more uncommon neutralities, like "neuter." I found that term recently and I like the way it sounds, but it also implies an antilabel, like a refusal to use a label in that space. I also like "other" but it still indicates a nebulousness that isn't inherently neutral.

I feel a little lost here. I know I always tell people that they should never have to feel obligated to use a label and that sometimes, there isn't one perfect label for what they're experiencing, but I really would like to find something that feels right! I just don't know what that is yet.

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