"it's okay, you're okay"
ive been thinking about that addict! dick idea i had a while back, and there is something so gloriously devastating about jason giving himself 5 minutes a day, crying in the bathroom as quiet as he can when he's sure dick is asleep. the way his chest stutters and the puffs of air get caught on trembling lips, the times he's bitten his hand hard enough he can taste copper, doing whatever it takes to keep this quiet, keep this private, keep this away from dick -- and it's for nothing
dick has gotten through most of the withdrawal process, he's a wake and coherent, the cravings are quieter and he can focus on what's happening around him and he can HEAR what's happening around him, and jason goes into the bathroom every night, and comes out exactly 6 minutes and 22 seconds later. he knows jason tells himself over and over and over again, "you're okay, it's okay" as if that will somehow make it so.
and dick gets to sit there and wallow in his guilt and self pity cuz this is his fault, he came here, he knew jason would help him and wouldn't tell a soul.
he knows that jason lied to roy earlier today. that jason's bailing on roy and lian cuz there's no WAY jason would subject either of them to this-- to him.
so dick will lay here, staring at the ceiling, the numbing sound track of jason's muffled but echoing neverending soundtrack of "you're okay, it's okay" until he comes out bc it's what he's earned.
dick will make it up him, he swears he will. he'll get better and stay by jason's side until he's washed his sins away, and he'll stay long after that.
whatever it takes.
