for the people who feel like lost, uncertain, like they’re falling behind— and want one thing to be certain of.
aka a like 782-word qiu x reader fic i just wrote at 1:30am. except im just projecting on reader. lol. (not proofread. like i said it is 1:30ameueuheu)
There’s a lot of things you don't know.
You don't know if the multiverse exists, you don't know what you and your friends would be like in those universes, you don't know if there’s any way for you to actually find out.
…But among others, you also don't know yourself.
You don't know when, why, and how it got to this.
Whatr are your hobbies and interests When had even such a simple question as that become so difficult to answer? When had you no longer been particularly passionate about anything anymore, or when had you unconsciously let go of what once was everything to you?
What are your skills, strengths, and positive traits? Why is it so hard to think of anything positive to describe yourself from the top of your head? When had you needed to wait for someone to give a list of choices just so that you could pick which ones kind of suited you?
And what if, even after being given that list… there were none? What if you couldn't figure out anymore what fit you? What if you really didn't know what would describe you?
And if you can't even answer such simple questions about yourself… where on earth can you go from here?
Looking around at the people of your grade filling the school’s halls, hearing some conversations here and there about their interests, and plans for the future… You should be happy for them— you know that. Happy that they have something to truly enjoy beyond the hells called schoolwork, and that they already know what they’re going to do with their life after they graduate.
…But you can't help it. You can't help feeling… bad, guilty, jealous.
Why does it feel like everyone has everything figured out already? Why does it feel like you’re the only one that… doesn't? Like you’re the only one that’s so uncertain about everything?
You can't help feeling lonely when the thought comes. You can't help feeling like you’re gonna be left alone as soon as you graduate— like everyone’s gonna go along with their plans and you’ll still be… there. Lost. Alone. With no idea where to go.
It’s a thought that pokes at you so often, and so hard too. A thought that you’re sure you would’ve already fully believed by now—
…If not for them.
The only certainty, one of the only ones you’re sure will never leave.
Qiu Lin.
Sitting beside them on a bench at the Golden Grove park, watching all the kinds of people that pass by you, you think about a question they asked you once. It was before the first day of Grade 9, when you went to visit their house, and they were planning to hide in their room to avoid attending class.
“ What about you…? Do you get it? Have you figured this out? ”
Everything. Life, your identity, career, where you’re going as soon as your four years of high school are over… As much as you hated it, your truest answer to that question of theirs was…
…No. You really didn't have anything figured out. You didn't get anything.
And you were scared.
But amidst that fear, there was something else. Some sort of quiet comfort, a reassurance that you aren't alone.
That Qiu’s answer is the same as yours. They also don't know. They also aren't sure of so many things about themselves.
And for some reason, that assurance makes you feel like maybe… Maybe it’s still okay for your answer to still be “no”.
Because now you know you’re not alone. Qiu doesn't feel like someone you would need to put a facade on for, about how your life is going, and how sure you are with things. You could be scared, confused, tired, uncertain, and everything, and Qiu would never leave. Because they’re the same, and they need you just the same.
And yeah, maybe there’ll come the day when Qiu knows for sure who they are. Maybe their day’ll come earlier than yours. But still, they’d never leave.
If ever they get ahead, they’ll be sure to walk backwards with a smile, facing you, to make sure that you feel seen, and that you know that they’d always be there for you.
Your head droops to the side, resting comfortably on Qiu’s shoulder.
You feel the rise and fall of their shoulders and chest from their breathing, and the slight chuckle they let out at seeing your now relaxed state.
They drape an arm over your shoulder, holding safely onto you just as they always have.
Your words come out a mutter, but the message clearer than ever.
