Imogen's immense capacity for empathy for things wriggly and "wrong" and lonely, things grotesque on the outside with a pure sort of want a sincerity, a truth on the inside.
Ashton, feeling fundamentally broken, fighting for good, for a purpose, telling her she has quite a crew of broken things following her. Saying there's a reason for that. Himself and Laudna.
(Ashton counting themself and Laudna as kindred spirits, Ashton looking at Imogen and seeing some reflection of what Laudna sees.)
(Imogen saying - Ashton is good. That they're special. Imogen who does lethal things when it needs it, who has almost taken a level of satisfaction in Ashton's approving assessments of her lethality, her decisionmaking.)
Imogen says she likes the All Minds Burn, she actually does, Ashton agreeing, thanking her for backing them. Imogen and things cast away, things found as horrifying, and an almost inexplicable empathy. Ashton and things to fight for, things to throw their lot behind until the light in their skull goes out.
Its like, both so sudden and also- no i kind of get it. I get it. They're complimenting each other very intensely, openly, they're both laughing with a weird seed of a telepathic brain between both of them, walked into a den of danger and back out again and like. No. I get it.
i'm so sorry for another meta but this line has been sitting in my brain for DAYS now, and there are a few things about it that are just so striking and so so sad-
for one- it puts imogen's farewell to bertrand into a much greater context.
"i'm glad the noises stopped for you. i'm glad you're at peace."
how long has imogen been longing for that kind of peace? she's been dealing with her powers for a decade, now, and it seems like only in her time with bell's hells has she really been able to get a stronger harness on it.
how many times, has death seemed like the only escape? ever present, ever alluring, in the corner of her mind?
it's a layer that i couldn't quite pick up before, because there was context for what she said, but there also wasn't- but now, with the idea that "i don't know how much longer i would've lasted" at the forefront-
she's had a decade of pain, and ostracization, and voices she can't control, with no sign of reprieve, no sense that it would ever end, and for a long period in her life- with no one to support her.
it's been so obvious for so long, given the angst of imogen's past, but i've struggled to connect the dots of just how deep imogen's pain runs. laura has been dropping clues- her farewell to bertrand, talking about how bad it had gotten during what the fuck is up with that, her mentions of her father- but this was the final piece, to make it all so painfully clear.
these past few years, they've been everything.
because what did imogen have before, really? what reasons did she have to keep going? an absent mother, a distant father, and chronic, overwhelming, agonizing pain and dreams haunting her in her sleep?
who did she have to turn to?
no one, and no glimmer of hope.
and so of course she would be drawn to laudna. her musical thoughts a balm to her aching mind, her cheerful attitude a bright spot in the darkness of imogen's life, her support almost foreign to a young girl who has never had the stability of someone to lean on-
and of course she would be devastated, when that's ripped away from her again, when laudna dies. that hope, that happiness- it's intoxicating, and it's horrible when it's gone, and she's taken back to that place of hurt and anger and fear.
and of course she would do everything to bring laudna back. but it also paints her ritual contribution into a greater context- of course she wouldn't make laudna come back, either. she won't make her return to her home full of trauma, she won't make laudna leave the sweet embrace of death.
because who is she, to deny someone that tranquility, that escape- when she's been tempted by it herself? if laudna needs to go, to not hurt anymore, she'll let her, because she loves laudna so much that she wouldn't ever take that away from her, if that was what she wanted.
(however, if laudna didn't come back, imogen would most certainly struggle. especially since i don't think she's fully processed otohan's attack yet, she's been so determined on giving laudna that choice that she herself has thought about).
but it's also so beautiful- how two lonely, shunned girls could find such light and hope in each other, and find ways to battle back against the world. and it shows such depth to their love, and their devotion to each other.
it's such an intimate thing, to tell someone that they saved your life. and though it wasn't a romantic confession, it's clear that they love each other very, very much.
Laudna refers to herself as Lorelei De Rolo in episode 13. I think Lorelei was Laudna’s name before she died. The name means Enchantress and/or Siren. Also, See Lorelei in German Folklore: "It first told the story of an enchanting female associated with the rock. In the poem, the beautiful Lore Lay, betrayed by her sweetheart, is accused of bewitching men and causing their death. Rather than sentence her to death, the bishop consigns her to a nunnery. On the way thereto, accompanied by three knights, she comes to the Lorelei rock. She asks permission to climb it and view the Rhine once again. She does so, and, thinking that she sees her love in the Rhine, falls to her death; the rock ever afterward retaining an echo of her name"
Anyway, it’s clear that Imogen is thoroughly enchanted by Laudna, though maybe not intentionally on Laudna’s part. Here is why:
In I think episode 6, Imogen tells Orym that Laudna’s thoughts sound musical to her.
In episode 12, Imogen tells Launda “I’m so glad I found you”
Sirens lure people to them with their Music..
Now, the name Laudna could be derived from Laudanum which was a painkiller. it’s been stated in several placed that Laudna is Imogen’s painkiller because her thoughts don’t hurt Imogen. They make her feel peace.
Laudna mentioned having a magical bond with Imogen (I think episode 6 but it oculd be earlier than that) and I think she meant literally.
So, it I think is safe to say that Imogen was lured to Laudna, we don’t know if it was intentional on Laudna’s part (maybe D put her up to it?) and whatever this magical bond they have is from that.
And when creating Laudna, Marisha absolutely drew inspiration from that German tale.
one of the most emotional moments last night for me was the quiet moment of Imogen walking fifty feet away from the group and breathing in the silence. That reprieve from illness, when for a moment you feel like yourself again, when you feel the constant pressure to work to stay well or find joy within pain ease and you can just be. Illness and the ways you learn to live with it can take from your sense of self, in all the ways. As Imogen said “It’s like you’re half of yourself because you’re trying to keep these walls up keep all the voices out. This is great!”
I got up at 2.45am to watch live. I need to get some more sleep. But I need to get this out of my head before I do. Have some sleep-deprived Imogen meta, you lucky, lucky people!
Imogen was for sure GOING THROUGH IT this ep, but it feels like that experience was on a number of different levels, all of which speak to who Imogen is.
Expectation vs. Reality
First of all, her initial frustration and growing anger at the role she found herself playing. I phrase it passively like that, because it wasn’t like she was forced to play the servant role, but neither did she choose it. It just kind of... happened. And it wasn’t what she wanted out of this evening.
Of all the gang, Imogen was one of the ones who was most initially hyped at the thought of going to a ball. She denied it of course, and hedged, but clearly she liked the idea of dressing up and going somewhere fancy. And this is a new experience for her. She’s never been in even sniffing distance of a big society event like this. She’s never had the chance to dress up fine and mingle with lords and ladies. And I wonder if some part of her didn’t just really want to be a princess for an evening. Dress up fine and dance, and feel special.
And instead, she’s... well, she’s standing forgotten at the back of the group. No fine dances for Imogen. She’s the Help for the evening.
Control
Imogen is all about control. Her entire life is a battle for control of her powers, herself. That extends to needing to control her environment. She needs to control how many people she’s around, where she chooses to go, and in the social sphere this encompasses her need to control the narrative. Look at her different behaviour when she’s the one who’s chosen the narrative, versus when she’s suddenly having to follow someone else’s choices. Look at her easy lies with Dorian in the hotel room, with the warehouse keeper... occasions when she has created the story she’s following. Some of those stories are absolutely snap inventions, but that doesn’t matter. They’re HER creations, and that means she’s confident in them, and lies smoothly and with ease. Then look at how she is with Bertrand in the inn, or with the guards in the grounds of the manor. Someone else has come up with the story, and she’s having to follow someone else’s cues. The ease and confidence has gone.
So in this evening, control has been systematically stripped away - again, not by anyone’s particular choice, but here she is. She has had chosen for her, in order: her role (servant), her name (Maude - no offence to any Maudes out there, but this name is not especially beautiful or lyrical, and Imogen clearly responds to it as jab), her course of action (how to get the ring). Which leads us to:
Goals
This is another of Imogen’s defining features. She is goal-oriented. The only thing that will get her to break her iron self-control, or bring her out of her shell, is her desire to achieve her goals. Often these are about knowing things - and manifests as relentless pushing to learn what she needs to know.
Here the goal is to get that ring. She has a plan to get it. It’s a good plan. She knows it will work. And nobody will listen to her. Or if they do seem to be listening, they then just forget, and go off and do their own things.
That psychic confrontation with Dorian is so telling for both of them (quite outside of the dynamic between the players - because I think this is an in-character confrontation). Imogen is blunt, insistent, increasingly fractious. She’s right! She knows she’s right! She knows what needs to happen! Why won’t anyone listen to her?! She’s literally in their heads, and they’re still not listening to her! She’s anxious, surrounded by the oppressive thoughts of others, painfully aware that her walls could be crushed down at any point. She doesn’t know how long she can do this, and it’s all going to shit. And then Dorian literally shuts her out.
Where Dorian is in all this is its own source of fascinating, but I’ll restrain myself here to just say that he is wildly outside his comfort zone. He didn’t want to be here playing this role either. He hates the person he had to be for his family, and now here he is all over again. He’s just trying to get the job done, and Imogen shouting in his head is NOT HELPING. It’s distracting, and frustrating, and his reaction is to bring his own walls up.
Unfortunately the result of this is that he misses Imogen’s genuinely good point, and everything is suddenly at a fever pitch of wildly stressful.
So in order, Imogen has had all of these things snatched from her:
her dream of what the evening might be
her control over the narrative, and to some extent over herself, given the horrifying number of people and the mental pressure they present
her ability to influence and work towards her goal
And she doesn’t even have Laudna alongside her to calm or reassure her. Yeah, she is going THROUGH it. And I for one cannot wait for the fallout.
okay, i know i might be risking a lot here but since last night's ep there's been a thing, stuck in my proverbial mental teeth regarding Imogen.
now, Imogen is fascinating to me as a character. i think Laura has been portraying her with a lot of layers and nuance and i do think that there's a lot of depth to Imogen (as there almost always is to Laura's characters; she is extremely good at giving us glimpses behind the curtain). Imogen is a person who is dealing with A Lot, constant background noise and static and overwhelmingly intrusive thoughts that aren't hers. they're unwanted earworms for her and she doesn't have the option to turn down the volume or turn them off. there's no choice for her, not the way FCG can choose to hear or not. this ability sets her apart from other folk, and automatically alienates her, even from those she loves (like her father).
(admittedly i do not know if, mechanically, Laura will be able to later opt in to setting up some sort of mental or psychic defence or dampening option for Imogen; i am not familiar enough with the sorcerous origin, so if anyone can enlighten me, that would be welcome!)
however. Imogen is careful around her friends and allies, not delving into their minds deeper unless she asks outright (witness the scene with Letters a couple eps ago where they chose to 'look' at each others' minds). she does not pick at Eshteross or the people from whom she needs assistance or knowledge. this implies that she understands fully the issue of consent and what could be considered violation.
i will say that it's...different, Imogen speaking to her friends and allies mentally; she is speaking, putting something out there, not listening or rummaging about. on a psychic level she is putting something on the table, not going through the china cabinets. if that makes sense.
but Imogen will indeed poke at people she is...not as familiar with. people she suspects that she will have little interaction with down the road. people she doesn't care for or outright dislikes or simply doesn't resonate with. she'll dig and search and look--all in the name of protecting herself or her friends, yes, all for the 'right' reasons, but it is still digging.
last night, though, when FCG dug a bit deeper than they should have (and let me just say here, clearly, that i do not think any malice was behind their act when they did so. i think FCG does not quite grok the murky notion of boundaries when it comes to the soul-touched and how those lines differ from individual to individual. i think, genuinely, that since he had delved deep with Imogen before that it was very nearly like an open invitation to do so again at any time--'Imogen is my friend and she agreed that one time, so it must be all right now.'), Imogen rightly emphasised that what Letters was attempting was not okay by any means. she made it clear that consent is not an open door, that it needs to be gained over and over and over. you check, you ask, again and again, especially with your friends. good for her! we love to see boundaries reinforced!
and i think that she got a glimpse of her own into what it's like when she tries to unearth something in someone else's head, when someone she trusts tries to do it. not in a 'haha, here's karma for Imogen' way, but in a more 'oh shit, is that what it's like when i do it to others? ew!' fashion.
and it makes me wonder: if Imogen tries this in future with other folk they encounter (and she almost certainly will; our girl is curious about others and it's almost too damned easy to lift people's mental rocks with a stick to see what's underneath; god knows i would be Tempted if i had that ability) and Bell's Hells become closer to those individuals, how is that gonna play out for Imogen? will she feel bad for looking? will she apologise? will it even matter after a certain point? will it still feel like a transgression she even needs to examine?
it's very interesting to me from an ethics standpoint, i mean, because after all, Imogen can't just turn off her mind, and some folks are loud as hell mentally.
Like. Isnt it GLORIOUS though. All these shared mistakes. All these unfortunate patterns. All these missteps repeated in betwen three people who care about each other. Liliana doesn't talk about her powers until late on, and Relvin isn't sure if she was hiding it all along. Imogen asks about her mother, and is shocked when her father actually responds. Relvin tucks the information away from Imogen in a vain hope it makes things easier. Liliana pulls away, and away, until it is too late, until she's gone.
(Imogen doesn't quite talk to her friends about everything. Imogen climbs out of a window and calls her mother in the dead of night. Imogen left. It was supposed to be a kindness.)
Liliana says: Run. Before my storm sweeps you up.
Relvin says: She was worried you were going to follow in her footsteps.
They say: It seemed easier for you to not know. Its best for you to run, before you get swept up in my storm. I think it was for your protection.
They say: I wish she had told me. I wish you had told me. I wish-
What a gesture of love, trying to protect your loved ones, trying to keep them away from things that will hurt them. What a heartbreak, to be the thing that will hurt them, to lock yourself away, to isolate, to hurt, to leave.
What a thing, to be told: Don't follow in my footsteps. Don't do as I did. And learn the same lessons, the same way, the same mistakes, written in love and loss, written in red.
And the other side of this, of like- Imogen and Laudna acting so differently around Ashton, versus around each other. If you put the three of them together something different (something regular?) spills out. But when they talk, just Ashton to Laudna and just Imogen to Ashton- the common threads stay strung out between them.
Ashton and Imogen talk about each other, and mention Laudna, the agreed similarities between Ashton and Laudna like a shorthand for understanding more, like a glossary in a textbook.
Laudna and Ashton talk about themselves, but refer to Imogen like a thing of admiration, like a wonder. A mirrored fascination like a shared road, like a steady standard, like moths to a flame.
Its not the same as getting them all in a room, we've seen that to an extent. It's like- lights, and crystals, and threads, fuck if i know, things strung up and shining when the light hits them differently and refracting into new colors and directions. Its not a balancing act, exactly, its like a chemical equation.
