Well now that I’m having a panic attack and can’t sleep it’s time for some more Overwatch nonsense fiction.
In which Hanzo is strapped with babysitting Junkrat in Numbani because I say so this is for me shut up.
“You placed them in the same cell?” A thick voice rasped in growing anger, smoke came off the cloaked man’s body as he glared at his taller coworker.
“Well yes,” Moira began, disinfecting her arm, “The filthy one bit me, and the Shimada won’t be convinced any time soon.” She explained.
“I think it’s a great idea.” Sombra chimed in, watching the cell’s feed from her tablet, “I mean, he’s been sitting still for DAYS, Gabe, and ignores everything we say. He won’t be expecting this. Plus it’s entertaining.”
Gabriel was literally steaming. The plan was, get the targets, keep them separated, and convert them to Talon though force. But not only were the two now in the same cell, the filthier of the two wasn’t even the target Sombra was to nab, she was sent after the large one in the mask! But of course she’d drag the one carrying enough explosives to level every building in a 12 block radius back kicking, screaming, and apparently biting.
“Relaaaax, Gabe~” Sombra sang, slinging an arm over Reaper’s shoulder, “I’ve seen the way Mako looks at Jamison, he’ll come running to get his “boss” back in no time. It’s a two for the price of one deal~ You’re cheap, you should like things like that~” She cooed, showing him the video feed.
Reaper glared down at the girl beside him, then to the video feed. Immediately he swiped the tablet from her, staring at it intently. “...He’s not moving.” He growled.
“Well, he hasn’t moved in three days, so it’d be strange if he started now.” Moira explained, walking over.
“Not the Shimada!” Reaper tossed the tablet to Moira, then misted from the room.
Moira glanced at the tablet to find neither of their captives moving, not even the rise and fall of breath from Hanzo was visible. “Ah.” She placed the tablet down to look at Sombra, a wide smirk on the girl’s face, “So they escaped.”
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“WAHOO!!! That worked a treat, ‘ey mate?? Roight??” Junkrat hollered, covered in soot and mud from his recent escape.
Behind him, Hanzo Shimada was already cleaning his face off with a handkerchief, “I suppose.” He answered softly, looking around.
They were currently in Numbani center, where he’d been abducted from during his impromptu stay with a certain local genius. How they’d got here was a bit hazy. All he’d remembered was this scrawny man before him blowing a hole in the wall, before being dragged though a sewer.
“’spose this is where we part ways?” Junkrat asked, looking over to Hanzo, “After all, Roadie doesn’t like people all too well.”
Hanzo nodded, “Yes, and I must be moving as well. You and your companion should do the same.”
“Course we will! I’m sure Roadie already knows where we’re headin’ too next! Just gotta find him first.”
Hanzo found himself pausing, “You... Do not know where he is?”
“Nah,” Junkrat picked at his ear, looking around at the local shops, “But he won’t be hard to find.” He then smiled, holding up a trigger for one of his many explosions, “He’ll come runnin’ once he sees my signature! Just gotta find the right buildin’...”
A sudden panicked fear clogged Hanzo’s mind as he was violently reminded of the countless amount of explosions Junkrat had mentioned he had while in captivity. In the back of his head, the smile of the little girl who’d dragged him to her home on Christmas eve rung louder than his usual thoughts.
“Welp, see ya around, mate! I’d get outta the city if I were you!” Junkrat waved and began to walk off.
“Wait-!” Hanzo panicked and grabbed at the taller man’s hand, “O-On second thought- Uhm...” He cleared his throat, “Talon m-may still be around. If you cause too large of a scene, they’ll surely come after you again.”
Junkrat teetered a bit on his heel, leaning closer to Hanzo, “Ooooooh... Yeah that’s right...” He then whimpered like a puppy and fell back onto the shorter man, letting all his weight rest on him, “But I’ll get looooooooonely without Roadie, and I hate this city full of bots and I’m sure Roadie does too, I’ll never find him by m’seeeeeeeeeeelf.” He whined and turned his head on Hanzo’s shoulder, staring up at him with sad eyes.
Hanzo felt a growing annoyance in his gut, but he was willing to deal with it. “I suppose.... I will accompany you... until you find your companion.”
Hanzo’s words were immediately ended with a smack he could only assume was a kiss pressing to his cheek before the taller man was back on his own two, well one and a peg leg, feet.
The outcast ninja was then dragged by his arm though the Numbani streets by the eccentric Australian as he went on and on about... Honestly? Hanzo wasn’t listening. Something certainly not important. All that mattered was keeping this disgusting city safe.
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Hanzo collapsed into the filthy motel bed. He didn’t have the energy to check it for pests. He didn’t have the energy for anything.
Hanzo had spent the past three days following Jamison Fawkes around the city of Numbani, checking every location his partner, Mako “Roadhog” Rutledge, may be. This included everything from filthy allyways to the Build a Bear in the city’s largest mall, and everything in between.
This Mako must be quiet the character, as Junkrat was convinced he’d be robbing either the city’s largest bank or the local arcade for it’s extra large Pachimari pillow. Both places were safe, however.
“Maybe he’s hidin’ out somewhere...” Junkrat mumbled, falling onto Hanzo’s bed, despite the perfectly available second bed mere inches away, “He wouldn’t get a motel like this though. The bot runnin’ the counter wouldn’t survive the encounter.” He snorted, kicking his legs as he rolled onto his chest.
“Ya know what my favorite part about Roadie is?” Junkrat started the same conversation he’d started every night for the past three days.
Hanzo pressed his face into the pillow and silently prayed he perished in his sleep.
“The way he looks tearin’ apart bots. Or tearin apart anythin’ really. I’ve seen him rip a phonebook in half without usin’ one of them techniques they show ya on telly. He bent a steel pipe once too. Don’t remember why. Oh but he ain’t just strong, he’s gentle too. I’ve seen ‘im bein’ soft, when he thinks I ain’t lookin’, like when we pulled over in the middle of the night so he could feed these cows on some farm we was driven past. He pet ‘em too, fed ‘em straight from his hand. He patted my head with that hand, got cow spit all over my hair while I was pretendin’ to sleep,”
Hanzo began to tone out the Junker. At this point he was convinced these two men were either lovers, or Jamison was in love without even realizing it. What a pity, Hanzo thought to himself, to fall so madly in love with a man.
Was it wrong to love man? No. Not for a normal person, Hanzo supposed. For someone not to be the next head of a clan. A clan he’d betrayed, of course. A clan he’d never planned to return to, so he could not be the head of it. So it would not matter if he and his partner could not produce an heir.
Not that Hanzo ever planned on settling down. And certainly not with a man, if he did. Not that there was anything wrong with loving men just that Hanzo did not swing that way, as the saying goes. Certainly not. He’s always loved the girls his father placed before him as his brides. Just because he could not “get it up”, as they’d put, does not mean he one day would not have produced an heir with one of them.
Hanzo took a breath to hush his thoughts, shoved his face deeper in his pillow, and fell asleep wishing for the morning to not come.
______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______
“WHERE, OH WHERE HAS MY PAL ROOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOADHOG GONE??? OH WHERE, OH WHERE COULD HE BEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEEE????” Junkrat sang loudly as he pressed his scruffy chin to Hanzo’s cheek, scratching at the other’s much more put together beard.
Hanzo looked a wreck. He’d spent a solid week with this bafoon and he was at the end of his rope. He began to question if this “Roadhog” truly existed, or if he was just fooling a Radioactive fool’s fantasies.
Junkrat swayed, his arm wrapped over Hanzo’s shoulder as he balanced perfectly from peg leg to foot with each clumsy, sad step. The days without Roadhog taking a tole on the malnourished man’s chipper attitude. He’d spent every night going on and on about Roadhog until he awoke Hanzo in tears about never seeing the other again.
They’d certainly searched every location Junkrat was sure his other half would frequent, a couple twice over just incase they’d missed the hulking man.
Hanzo even got a Police scanner, from a source he refused to allow Junkrat to meet, so they could track robbiers and other such crimes the pig man may have commited, yet they came up empty.
Junkrat sniffled and leaned his weight onto Hanzo, resting his head on the other, “He abandoned me, Hanzo! He hopped on his bike with all the gold we got together and ditched me!” He cried, hugging onto the ninja as he wailed.
Hanzo gave up fighting Junkrat’s pathetic need for affection days ago, he simply huffed as he pulled the small radio from his hoodie pocket, “You cannot give up just yet, Jamison.” Yes. Because if Jamison gave into depression as Hanzo had, he’d certainly level the city during his meltdown.
Hanzo clicked on the police scanner and began to search the frequencies for some mention of a crime in progress.
Static
Static
Stat-
“All active officers, please report to Maxi million bank on Streetpoint main, there is an active robbery in process. 12 hostages. Suspect; large man wearing a big like mask with a stomach tatt-”
“ROADIE!” Junkrat screeched in joy, leapfrogging over Hanzo with an elegant front flip. His mood doing a flip of it’s own, “THAT BASTARD!” he snapped, “He’s doin’ a hit without me!!! You absolute cock gobbling asshole!!” Junkrat swiped the police scanner from Hanzo’s hand and smashed it on the ground in anger. Junkrat’s smile then returned, wider than the Cheshire cat, “Oh-ho, Roadie you clever hog. You WANTED me to find you. Cheeky bastard.”
Hanzo’s exhaustion was almost instantly replaced with actual fear of this grown man baby he’d been traveling with. These mood swings were more unnerving than anything the Junkrat had done before.
With a smile that nearly broke his face, Junkrat turned to Hanzo, “Let’s go rob a bank, mate.”
