CONCEPT
Show us Alastor and Mimzy making up by getting into deeply drunken and destructive shenannigans that result in at least two major explosions, a fire, several levelled blocks and more dead sinners than you can imagine
Neither of them could legally drive when alive, and never bothered to learn when they arrived in hell, so that's also extremely dangerous
Husk is initially sent to try and stop them, but he's bribed with The Good Drinks and ends up whooping in the backseat of a car whose windscreen is more blood and viscera than it is glass now
Show us Angel talking Vaggie down from going to deal with them, because Charlie is horrified at the carnage as Voxtech has cottoned on to the situation and is pretending this is some sort of rampage
Vox is trying to use the right angles, but its obvious the overlord involved is just having a good time
Still, they're heading a tad too close to the territories of the few overlords they have good standing with (Zestial, Carmilla, hells, they knocked over Susan's mailbox in Cannibal Town and only hers so Rosie is Not Pleased because the woman is ComplainingTM to her about her Red Haired Pet)
Angel asks the Short King, aka Royal Daddy to drop him and Cherri close to the chaotic trio, because he's also the only one who might be able to safely stop the car without being splatted. Because he can see that the trajectory was heading right at Vee Tower, and given how that could piss off Val, Angel wasn't gonna risk it.
Also, he's been that shitfaced before and knows you just don't make great choices like that and Vox seems to be countin' on it. You don't work in Angel's profession without being able to clock a creeper... might not be able to do nothin' if they pay the right price, but you could just Tell.
Drones frizzle as a lensflare, the kind of which hasn't been seen since the recent Star Trek Movies, sears their optical wires. Losing signals and providing barely there distorted imagery.
"Not being a very good parental figure, here, bellhop..." Lucifer grins, hand on the front of the vehicle as the wheels spin a few seconds longer. It strains and sputters before he presses a tad more firmly on the metal, and the whole thing dies with an angry 'kra-bang'.
"Why... your shhhhhortness, to what do we..." a truly devastating insult trails off mid-sentence, as the Overlord notices his shadow is making faces at the king, which is far funnier and easier to focus on. "Hmmm? Oh yes... decided to work on Hell's transportation concerns... personally...? Or is it angel-ally? Devilally? What do you fall under, hmmm?"
"He c-can fall undah me any-hic-time..." Mimzy mumbled, crawling over Alastor to get out of the vehicle and rolling onto the pavement, giggling. "Whoo!"
"Ah, looks like we're at Defcon Whoo..." Angel mutters to Cherri, who howls with laughter. She manages to calm down enough to grab hold of the shorter sinner, pulling her upright without much preamble. This ain't her fourth rodeo and all that.
Angel peers in the backseat to find a jovial Husk tryinng to catch his own tail as it wiggles past his eyes. He's flat on his back, swiping at it, and Angel's heart just about pounds out of his chest because fuck that's cute... he tries to get a covert video with his fourth hand.
"Hey Whiskers, you wanna come outta the car for a minute? We got some stuff you might like at the hotel..." he coos, catching Husk's attention.
The Stuff is water, painkillers for the inevitable headache and a soft couch to sleep on with The Bucket next to it. In fact, all three of them are likely to get the royal treatment if they can just contain them before any pissed off overlords came alooking for who was causing the distruction.
But Husk didn't need to know that, let his blissed out kitty self assume there was more booze. Angel and Cherri were the downright experts at motivating blissed out friends to safety. Noone left behind and all that.
The cat-like mrrrph? the grugff bartender makes nearly takes Angel out, he has to clutch at his chest for a second. He wants this old ass cat so damn bad, sunsets and heart eyes and all that shit... fuck, he thought that was just stuff romantasy authors made up for sales. But now he wanted to get this idiot home, and safe, and maybe see if he'd make that noise again when sober.
Did he purr? Angel needs to know So Bad.
"You uh you good there, Cocaine?"
"Coca-... oh, it's Angel Dust, Short King. Close but no pinata that time, hah!" he wavves the angel's worried tone away. "Just got struck by how cute Husk here is when he's super blitzed... did you hear that noise? Like Keekee when she's lookin' for pets!"
The King's attention fell on Husk, as Cherri is heard physically being hurled around in the background by a flapper who decided it was Dance Time!
"He did? When was that?"
Husk, confused by the attention and not really using his BrainTM at the moment, repeats the noise instead of what the sinner clearly thought was a query with actual words.
Lucifer's eyes go roundn and shiny, and yeah, now Angel can see exactly where Charlie got it. "HE DOES!"
"You should... hear the other sounds... he can make... if you get one of the red dots..." Alastor helpfully advised, climbing out of the car to drape over the open door. He summons the item with a flourish and it smacks the king in the forehead.
"Oh you fucke-..."
"Hey, hang on ya highness, I don't actually think he was being a dick..." Angel says, holding out a free hand as he watched Alastor's confused expression fall into a frown at his empty hand. "Just couldn't aim like this... how the heck they managed to do this much damage while this outta it, I'm not sure."
Gunfire blasted from a sidestreet. "There's the slut!"
Mimzy and Angel both snapped back a sharp, "Hey!"
The ragtag group pauses, a mix of saurian sinners and a handful of what must be owned imps, as they glance between them. /Several flush and look elsewhere as they realise that's The Angel Dust.
"Er, the short whore, not you, sir..." says a rifle-wielding imp in a smart suit, appearing torn between fury at Mimzy and mild awe at Angel. "We came to get her for the boss... she ain't getting away with her shit again. Lost too many of our guys to her nonsense."
"Well, thank you but, I can't letcha do that. She's a.... friend of a friend. And that friend might eatcha in the least sexy way possible, unless you're into vore." Angel says, subtly warding them off.
But it's too late, Mimzy's noticed the interlopers. So has the Radio Demon.
"Al... c'n you help lil ol' me? I mighta... devoured a guy... or six... but he had it comin'!"
"Ah Mimzy my dear... you really know... how to pick them." Said the swaying eldritch horror as it unfolded from the everyday portable form, tendrils wildly lashing out and taking out both thugs, nearby cars and several buildings. "Do stand still..."
They were. Fear held them fast.
"Oh for fuck's sake..." Lucifer groaned, clearly over this whole situation. He might like Hunk and sure technically Missy was under the Get Them Home Safe Plan from Charlie, but dealing with a drunken overlord like this was... ridiculous. Why was this his afterlife? Had Father sent the bellhop specifically to remind Lucifer he was meant to be suffering?
He snaps his fingers and sends the few assailants not being dragged into shaows by chittering poppet things with big teeth, to the distant corners of Pentagram City. Separated like naughty kids on time out (thank you Belphagor for teaching Lilly and Lucifer about that one or Charlie would have turned out MUCH worse).
Angry red eyes waver over Lucifer and a few tendrils try to swat him, or at least, possibly the several Lucifers he's seeing.
"Okay big guy, look at the pretty shiny angel... over here... we're going to calm down because if you don't it would be a Shame if I had to beat your smug ass into next week to make sure you didn't go do anything else stupid." Lucifer sing-songed, really hoping that the sinner would choose Violence. Please let him choose Violence. Char would forgive him.
"Oi, you can't goad him into a drunken fist fight, that's cheatin' and I'm telling Charlie!" Angel calls up to him, and Lucifer's expression falls into a furious little pout.
"Well.... fine. What do you suggest, oh wrangler of the drunken?"
Angel tries so hard not to laugh openly at the childish frustration on the King's face. Yeah, Charlie was like 90% her dad, from what Angel could see.
"Well, you got his attention... see if he'll like, shrink down or whatever that's called, if not you might have to just portal us back to the hotel supersized!" angel yells up at the former angel.
Lucifer was annoyed. He could have been finishing off the replacement helper for Charlie, now that Dazzle was... well, Razzle was so lonely. It wasn't a Replacement of course, but the little creature might help fill the void left.
Shaking his head he decided to try, for Charlie. "Alright, let's try this..."
He levitates one of the shadow-mauled corpses up to them. "Hey Al... if I let you have a snack, would you calm down enough to shrink for us? All the sinners who came for, er, Misty, are gone. I poofed them away. No need to be all... big."
He notes that the cannnibal's eyes followed after the corpse, and he moves it slightly just to confirm. "You promise to settle down if I let you have a snack? We gotta get back to the hotel, bud... Charlie's not big on..." Something explodes a street over from the direction the trio had come from. "...hijinks like this."
Something like a rumble rippled between them, and Lucifer took that as capitulation. He tossed the semi-corpse and turned away, avoiding seeing whatever level of chewing involved those wet pops and snaps.
He felt the moment Alastor let go of the larger form, it was like a shift in the electromagnetic and magical fields, something he was unfortunately sensitive to based on the fact he'd had a hand in crafting those (along with a LOT of other things in the universe).
Angel was there immediately, slinging an arm around Alastor's shoulders in an effort to both steer the other and ensure he didn't sneakily resize himself just to spite the king. It was a testament to their growing companionship that Alastor didn't rip that arm right off... however, the true icing on the cake was the fact that the unexpected contact startled a soft, confused bleat out of the Overlord.
Dual waves of 'aw that's super cute' and 'I am holding this over his head for the rest of eternity' struck the King. Finally, he had something on the red motherfucker!
Angel looked slightly stunned, and squeezed Al tightly for a second, just to hear the repeated but slightly angrier sound. He turns to Lucifer with wide eyes. "Didja know he could do that? Holy fuck, these two are gonna be the second death of me..."
Cherri has a giggling Mimzy under one arm and is carefully hurling cherry bombs at the few sputtering drones still valiantly attempting to spy on them despite the damage angelic light had caused.
"They're pretty fuckin' cute, I'll give you that!" She calls out. "So what's the plan? If I let this sheila go, she'll be flat out like a lizard drinking... but getting this lot back to the Hotel will be a hard yakka if we try by foot."
"True... unless you wanna conjure a limo or somethin', ya Majesty?"
"Huh? Oh, no. No I'm just going to portal us all back to the hotel." Lucifer said, blinking back into the moment.
A blast of radio warble made them cringe from proximity. "No-...nonsense... let's take my shadows... thy're so... reliabl-... reliab-... we'll get there somewhat intact!" Alastor grins, grabbing hold of Angel and sending shadow tendrils out towards Cherri, Mimzy and Lucifer.
"Wait, no! No drunk driving in my kingdom!" Lucifer shouts, as he's pulled into a soupy black nothingness and left to tumble aimlessly in all directions. Well, not quite. There's a tether there, linking him back to the other screaming voices and giggling flapper he knows are there but can't quite see.
Lucifer rolls back into reality dazed and bruised as he falls from the ceiling of the lobby. Cherri and Mimzy fall sideways from a wall, and then Angel lands face-first on the nearby couch next to a startled Charlie.
Husk is not so lucky, the cat reappears at the bar, shooting upwards from out of the void in the floor as if thrown. He lands on all fours with claws out and tail fluffed, seconds from hissing, next to a wildly confused Vaggie.
"Wait, shit, we've lost Al..." Angel says, looking around.
"Hang on, now I've gotten a feel for the shadowy bullshit I think I can grab him. He's probably not able to remanifest a physical form while that drunk..." Lucifer sighs, hauling himself upright and heading to one of the wiggling shadow portals on the wall.
He jams himself in to about mid-torso and holds out a ball of light in his hand, searching for-... yeah, that'd be the idiot. There's a pair of hazy red eyes above a taut stitched smile... nothing else though.
"Alright, come over here, bellhop and touch my hand. I can pull you back into your physical body, if you want... unless this is easier... but then yo umight get lost in here if you're drunk soooooo..."
His rambling made the patch of sentient darkness drift close enough for Lucifer to snag and pull back through. He forgot about the reality of having another person land on you, and that they might be an angular motherfucker whose bony self could puncture holes in a bouncy castle if he landed wrong.
The wind left him all at once as they hit the floor. Still, the fact it seemed to startle another deer sound out of the other felt like payment enough. This was too good not to bring up in their next verbal spat...
Charlie looked intrigued but not surprised at the noise. "Oooh, thanks for that, Dad! And ohmygosh, is that a TAIL?!"
The end of that sentence went near hypersonic, and the glassware around them rattled ominously.
Vaggie looked perturbed. "What the fuck was that?"
"Oh, oh, oh! It's this little bleat, he made it when Rosie gave him a hug the other day in Cannibal Town, you'd think he weighed nothing the way she picked him up!"
"Oh, is that so...?" Angel said, filing that one away for later. "By the way, guess who makes cute little kitty noises when he's super drunk?" He gestures like a magician's assistant to Husk.
Charlie's eyes are going to roll out of her head if they get any rounder. "He does?!" A glass shatters behind them.
Lucifer shoves Alastor off him and rolls upright far too fluidly for someone with a proper bonestructure. He notices the other's form spilling into shadow at the edges, and hastily grabbed Alastor's wrist again to pulse his power aroud the sinner. Wouldn't want him to accidentally discorporate a leg or something and bleed to death on the nice new carpets.
He barely even thinks about it before deciding to just run with the first idea that comes to mind... snapping up a band that definitely didn't look like something a kid at summer camp would make as a friendship bracelet for another, and imbuing it with with a charm to hold the other physically present. If the bellhop hated it, they could fight when he was sober.
Cherri has deposited a snoring Mimzy facedown on a nearby armchair, and Niffty was studiously poking her with a featherduster and giggling at the mumbled swearing.
"Well, they're riproaring drunk, but we gottem back here. What's the plan now?" the spunky powerhouse asks.
"Er... well... they're not destroying the city so we just make them comfortable and change the bucket if anyone pukes?" Lucifer shrugged. How did sinners deal with alcohol? He couldn't get drunk and it never really did anything more than make him tingly for a few hours, and Lillith never felt the need to try to push her limits that far.
From what he understood from seeing several Goetia post-ball, it could feel like a rather persistent headache and sometimes you felt like throwing up. Or you did. He really should have checked in on that... what if Charlie was susceptible? He should have had that talk.
The other Talk was taken by Ozzie, thankfully, because the Sin was bombproof when it came to questions of that nature, and Belphagor covered biology in every possible way. Actually, he should ask Beezelbub, she would have an idea what this would look like...
The King whips out his phone and shoots off a text. Then panics internally about it it was weird that this was his first text in half a year to her. She blew up his messages seconds later, and suggested he just let them stay drunk... alongside several helpful suggestions about greasy food and hydration and some pills she would go bother Belphy to portal over. He sent back it was for several sinners, not him, and she replied that of course it was and she'd tell Belph to drop the dosage.
She then asked who it was for, and he decided to just tell her the whole shituation from the moment Charlie called to the very moment he was watching Angel Dust and Charlie deposit the gangly overlord atop a loveseat with minimal resistance.
She sent back a nnumber of emojis he couldn't identify, and a 'lol love to meet them, sound like a riot!'
A pause. 'Wait did you say he dropped a piano on you?'
'Yeah, he's an ass like that. But I think I won the dad-off. Still, I've got sooooo much blackmail material, the guy has a big fluffy deer tail and he makes these super cute bleats when he's drunk or startled... totally the opposite of the big bad scary overlord he's trying to project. Finally have something on him, to rival his jibes at my duck-making.'
That dinged something in his brain, and he swirled a finger, sending off a very belated gift to Bee and her new boyfriend (Hex? Tex Mex? Checks?).
'OMFG U DID NOT MAKE A DUCK FOR ME AND TEX!!!!!' she shoots back, and he panic declines her incoming call. Texting was a lot for the king at this time. 'THANK U!!! LUV U LUCI BABES!!!'
'Anytime.'
There's a swirl of magic, purple and smelling faintly of candlewax, as a paper bag appeared with a list of instructions on the side. That'd be the pills from Belphagor.
"Good news, we have something to make sure they live through their hangingover or whatever you sinners get, so that's taken care of." He announces, noting Niffty has already procured additional buckets for the other two. "Do we need to... do anything else for them?"
"I mean, normally I'd want to put them in their own rooms and make sure they weren't so... on display... but I also kind of feel like we need them to be in line of sight so we can help if they need it." Charlie says, looking sheepish. Husk is almost as secreticce as Alastor, she doesn't like intruding on their privacy but... well, necessary evils and all that.
"It's easier to make sure no one chokes on their own vomit or ends up stumbling out to start a fight with another overlord if we have eyes on." Vaggie says, practical to the core of her being. "Besides, two of them are staff and we need to make sure they don't die for... I don't know, team work reasons or something?"
"Just admit ya love us Vagatha!" Angel croons, ducking the bar coaster she hurled his way at the exaggerated kiss blown towards the exorcist.
"Ugh, come on man, it's bad enough we can't make the radio deer stop calling me that and now YOU?!" she groans, covering her face in her hands.
"I can go back to pronouncing your name how the First Guy did, if you want Va-..."
"It would be the last thing you do." She snaps back, shoulders unclenching. He may taunt, but since learning that little tidbit, Angel hadn't actually used the name. "Still, this is going to be a setback for the hotel... I mean, we got good enough press after the battle, but this? This is going to piss off a lot of people."
"Nah, Overlords get a weird sort of pass, you know? They do strange crap all the time, and get away with it, because who's gonna stop em?" Angel waves her worries off. "Like, Val does... what Val does all over Pride and do you see anyone up in arms about it? Velvette punched models off the runway the other week and no one said shit. And when that big gal, Zeezi I think? Flattened a district during an argument with the skull guy, not an actual fight apparently just a disagreement with a lotta property damage, no one did fuck all."
"Okay... but they were in their own territories, this was... all over. And he's one of the front-runners for the hotel... it was bad enough when his weird trouble magnet friend came around the first time. But we could call that a one-off. This was... blatant." She counters.
Husk grumbles, pulling his face off the bar. "M...zy has a pass... Al'n'Rsie like her." He managed.
"And that would be enough of an excuse to protect us from fallout?"
"Vox's gunna always be... problem... b'sessed... but... Mim getsa pass. Cause they was 'live t'gether..."
"Ooookay, so, we'll just deal with this when everyone is sober and I can talk about better choices in the future. After all, we're all about second chances here!" Charlie said, smile strained and tone bordering on upset. The hotel hadn't boomed since the battle, but... a few of the more interested applicants had dribbled away in the last few days. It had been disheartening.
"We could get a marching band here in less than 45 minutes, if you need to make a point, duckling?" Lucifer suggests, his grin rather demonic. He backtracks at the mild disappointment on her face. "Kidding! Daddy's kidding! I just meant that sometimes consequences are important... they help you learn lessons that are sometimes painful, but necessary. Like say, not getting wasted and ruining reputations across the entire Pride ring while a tv televises it."
"Ooooh shiiiiit, I forgot about the drones... ugh, how bad is it?" She aims that at Angel, Cherri and Vaggie who are scrolling their phones and wincing. "That's not encouraging."
"Well, I mean he ain't managed to get a shot of the strawberry pimp, not a good one, he's more blur than body in most of 'em... but it's clear he's involved. Husk and the short broad are pretty distinct." Angel replies.
"Hah, how the bloody hell did they get the car on top of the Embassy? Fuckin' legends!" Cherri whoops, showing a truly perplexing picture, which was circling Sinstagram and Veddit for varying reasons.
"Yeah, so we got attention... just not the kind we were after." Vaggie ends, succinctly. "That's a whole problem unto itself. But we'll have to deal with it, cause it's done already. Selfish fucker..."
"Yhooo'd be... more lenient... if'n the one..." Husk paused, almost asleep and staring at a point on the ceiling with intense concentration. He purrs when Angel reaches over to pet his head, an apparently unconscious action, despite the soft gasp the spider lets out. Angel appears to be having a religious experience of his own.
"Can you tell us what you mean, Whiskers?" Angels whispers.
"...las' time... said no... t'Mim she got... got. Couldn' hide from... conse-... cons-... what she did. Died. Bad." Husk explained, leaning into Angel's hand, and starting to drift off in his warm cocoon of inebriation. "S'why he puts... up wi'her shit... more'n mine... not s'muchas Niff... s'the favourite."
"Okay, that was some interesting backstory, but still... this can't keep happening. The last place got physically damaged by her nonsense, and now it's the reputation on the line. At some point, the debt gets repaid, and enough is enough." Lucifer intones, he's aware that today's events could easily lead sinners chasing the little Millie sinner to come here and put Charlie or her dream in danger again.
Of course, he's also the worst at putting up boundaries, so that's a bit hypocritical. The Sins had all been on his shitlist over the millenia, but wormed their way off it... except Mammon, that guy had better never ever EVER suggest a robo version of Charlie again, or Lucifer was going to turn the guy into a public portapotty at the next multiday musical festival on earth.
And yeah, he'd shut them out for a while there too, but those were barriers not boundaries.
Briefly, everyone muses on how they'd handle the requests from a friend they'd known in life... a friend who brought trouble to them, constantly, and the one time they asserted a boundary... that friend paid the ultimate price for their actions. Yeah, that'd be complicated to unravel and it wouldn't be hard to imagine they'd probably go out of their individual ways to help above and beyond.
Ooof, that's some guilt to consider.
"I'm sure we can find a comfortable compromise with Mimzy, through some talk therapy..." Charlie suggests, the optimism fading out halfway. "Yeah, no, I don't know how we could stop her from being... herself. Husk mentioned this was her pattern, when she was here last... and even when Alastor asserted a boundary to make her leave, she still managed to erode it today. Or yesterday, because I think they'd been drinking for a while now..."
"We don't have to fix it, though. What if you just... make it a rule she can't come here, and that if she's having trouble she has to submit a help request in writing to the hotel for you AND Alastor to review?" Vaggie suggests. "That way you can both make a decision on how to respond in the best interests of the hotel?"
Charlie grabs her girlfriend and kisses her, then peppers her beautiful face with kisses. "Ooooh, I love you and your amazing brain!"
Niffty, giggling, appears with a pair of blankets that seem to be stitched together from scraps of everyone's clothing, which she places over the slumbering Husk and Alastor respectively. They didn't really react, but the couches were plush and the sinners seemed to have been awake for longer than would normally be safe, so perhaps that was fine.
Niffty seemed disinclined to provide anything for Mimzy.
"Niff, can you grab one a the blankets for our uest?" Angel prompts, gesturing at the flapper.
Her eye narrows, anger gleaming in the pupil the likes of which not even angels had managed to ignite. "No, she's a Nasty Bad Girl and I don't like how she is always wanting things from Sir. She is a bug he won't let me exterminate."
"Okay, of course, valid!" Angel says, raising his hands up in surrender. "We let the uh, the pesty bitch go cold, yeah?"
"YES!"
Lucifer watches Niffty disappear into the wall through a vent he didn't recall adding. "Have you... gotten that angelic dagger off of her, yet?"
Charlie went wide eyed and so pale you could just about see through her. "Uh oh..."
A maniacal giggle echoed through the wall, and fell into silence too swiftly for anyone to feel safe.
Lucifer's magic pulsed, a miniscule flex really, like being aware that there were muscles involved you weren't consciously moving when you smiled or frowned or yawned. The bracelet was holding the Overlord's physical form together as intended, but it was concerning that it seemed to be happening in the man's sleep. Was this normal for him?
Actually, maybe it was. Sinners were odd like that. Came in all forms and defied every law of physics you can imagine.
Either way, he's glad he thought ahead to binding the idiot into his body; having to restore someone from incoporeal atoms spread about an undefined area like, say, a shadowy void, would be a tedious task. He'd done something similar maybe twice in his long life, and it took ages... he's not willing to lose a decade of Charlie's life to that boring little project. Even if she likes the deer.
Actually, what the fuck is that?
Like a radar pinging an object in sonar range, something is bouncing back and tickling at his brain. That's an unpleasant sensation. Like a itch you can't quite scratch without removing parts of your flesh... which always stressed out beings used to being tied perpetually in these coporeal prisons. Er, bodies.
He moves to the couch with the deer on it and waves aside the blanket. The King startles as he finds Angel's hand grabbing his wrist rather pointedly as Lucifer starts undoing buttons.
"Hold up, Short King... we need to talk consent? Cause I sure as fuck don't mind lecturing an angel on the topic." As the poster child for being manhandled against his will, Angel would naturally be the one to step in, even in this instance. Hells, he'd put himself on the line to keep Charlie safe when she fucked up at his work.
That pulls Lucifer up short. Ah, well, from the outside this would look... not great...
"Whoa, okay, I can explain. Just got caught up in the mystery... er, my bad." He cringes at the tangled explanation. His words don't get easier from there, and Angel doesn't let go of him. "I-I mean, uh, the tether I put on him, it's kind of holding him in his body right now? Cause if he falls into shadows when he's not paying attention bits might get... lost... forever. Or your pet overlord mifght not be able to reform... had a weirdly similar experience when I got depressed enough I dropped the physical body for a bit and then got too distracted and had to pull bits of me back from distant Rings... but I didn't slip into an alternate pocket dimension like the deer can. So he could take ages to put right and-..."
"Dad, breathe!" Charlie interjects, looking flustered. Angel switches his grip to allow him to shake the king slightly.
"I'm breathing, it's fine! I just wanted to make sure he kept all his arms and legs and fleshy bits in the same part of existence. And just a second ago he started to turn to shadows, so the bracelet used a bit of my magic to contain him... but it pinged."
"Pinged what?" Vaggie frowned, suspicious.
"Not sure... felt... too similar to be a conincidence, and I just went to find out what it was without thinking about it. Felt... corrupted."
"Okay, look it sounds logical but ya gotta remember you can't just go about takin' clothes off people, specially when they're not able to stop you!" Angel admonishes, and the King of Hell shrinks back a little. "Look, is it worrying enough you can't wait 'til he's awake or d'you think that it can be left alone until tomorrow? He's uh, he's pretty specific about touch. Not sure why Smiles didn't fucking incinerate me for that hug earlier, even if he and the others were obliterated."
"Er, well... one sec..." Lucifer pulses the magic once more and frowns at the resistence. "Okay, so I think we Need to See it, unfortunately. He can't actually hurt me, you know... yeah he's powerful but... it'd take all the Sins teaming up with the right weapons to take me on with a chance of winning."
Wait, they weren't worried about Alastor hurting Lucifer. That was a given. He hastily added, "And I won't touch him more than necessary. Promise."
Did Alastor know he was defended like this? That these odd sinners liked the fucker enough to admonish the king of hell for him?
Angel slowly released his grip. They both knew Lucifer could have freed himself, but... it was the principle.
Using his powers instead, Lucifer gently opened the coat and undershirt, pushing aside the odd black straps that seemed to provide compression as well as hold the outfit in place.
He winces. "Ah, fuck, that's... well, it's healing, but I think what caught the attention of my powers was the residual angelic grace. It was muffled by whatever enchantment's on his coat, or I'd have noticed it sooner, given how close we've been for the last few weeks, and the whole... landing on me earlier thing."
"Do we-... how do we fix it?" Charlie asks, looking determined. "We have a first aid kit, and I know Rosie from Cannibal Town is apparently super good with magical afflictions and they're friends so she might help for a Favour..."
He cracks his fingers. "No, I got this... it's not hard to remove normally, but this has festered for a bit. Gonna assume an angel got him with one of their spears at some point... surprised it hasn't healed though. Enough power and you can live with a bit of angelic grace under the skin until it dissipates..."
Vaggie has a thousand yard stare going. "And what if it... came from someone a bit more powerful than an exorcist, Sir?"
"Like who? the only one there with even the vaguest hint of Heavenly endowment was Adam, and most of it was in his stupid guitax or whatever he called it. Must have been forged by one of the other archangels, he definitely didn't have the imagination or power to make it himself." Lucifer laughed, mind whirling through different ideas on who must have helped the first man with his little toy. Maybe Uriel, who was full of compassion but never made sturdy weapons, he just lacked interest. Might be why it broke so easily.
"...and if a sinner took on the first man and was hit by it? How bad would that be?" Vaggie prodded again, looking at the wound. It had been stitched, but all the movement of the last few hours had frayed patches, snapped other areas and generally bruised the already upset skin to either side. Not to mention the length of it was concerning.
Lucifer sucks air through his teeth. "Then this will suck... mostly for me, because it's going to taste awful... from a magical perspective. Not sure if Sinners can get the flavour of other magics, or scent? Or... look, it's a sense that I tried to let humans have but Heaven said No so it's hard to explain. Imagine trying to tell an alien race that didn't develop sight how that works and what it's like?"
"Okay, so... we need anything for this?" Angel asks, practically.
"Just help to unlatch his jaw if he wakes up mad for me touching him?" Lucifer half-jokes, but he really hopes it doesn't come to that. He flexes his fingers before touching the area, and yep, that's adam's borrowed Grace alright... it's like running your tongue through a garbage bin with a faint hint of the First Man's original clean, oceanic 'scent'. Or soul taste?
Ugh, humans and sinners and winners... they really needed to expand their vocabulary so it wasn't so hard to explain fundamentals!
It's not hard to coax out, but boy does it make the King want to throw up something fierce. If Alastor had just said something to start with, it'd be a breeze... literally, it would have tasted of gentle ozone and maybe a bit of gore, or whatever Alastor's soul-taste was, but nothing this bad...
This was why you didn't let angelic injuries fester. not only could they kill you but it was absolutely the Worst to heal them. He pulls back, finally, and reaches for one of the handy dandy buckets which is quickly provided to him by someone helpful who he was going to give a medal to in future.
When he finished throwing up, and had felt able to sip some of the cool fruit juice provided, Lucifer blinked back to the present. Charlie was hovering, and the Bucket had been removed by someone.
Angel had covered Alastor up again, at least with the blanket over the healing injury the Overlord wouldn't feel so exposed. With the angelic grace removed, there should be no issues for the wound to just... close up on its own. Soon, if there was enough energy left not currently stopping the overlord from dying of alcohol poisoning.
Charlie moved Lucifer to a seat and helped him rest.
"Are you okay, Dad? You kind of... threw up for a while there. Can I get you something gentle, like toast or... or crackers?" She offers.
"Yeah, maybe some toast would help." He agrees, feeling exhausted. He hadn't thrown up in centuries, it was a wildly unwelcome return of such an old experience.
"No one in the hotel is allowed to get hurt with angelic weaponry for the next century... I'm going to make it a law." Lucifer groans, finally feeling his own innate healing ability settle his stomach. "Especially if any of you try to hide it like that... it's like chugging the sludge at the bottom of a dumpster. Never again. He is going to owe me so much for this..."
He felt Charlie freeze slightly, trying to decide if this was a jest or not.
Lucifer cracks open an eye. "I mean metaphorically, duckling, I don't do Deals with anyone and I'm not going to tally it up. But if I can get him to like... help sort through that fucking mess that used to be my office in the Palace at some point, that'd be great. Not that he has to, but I;ve seen how he collated your paperwork and now I want to borrow him."
He saw a few shoulders release unconscious tension.
Was everyone really so scared of obligations? Of tit for tat? Or was it because everyone here was owned, or had been owned at some point, excepting Charlie? Vaggie had been in a Heavenly form of servitude to Adam after all.
He shrugs, "Well you can't ask for what's not there either... hah, you can't share a soul unless the contract is excruciatingly specifically worded. Oof, yeah, I've seen those go down... but no, Bambi is safe from indentured servitude from me. Wouldn't kill him to be nicer, though." Lucifer pauses. "Actually, I'm starting to suspect that if he tries to compliment me he might just start bleeding from the eyes out of sheer spite."
"Wait so how're the Vees sharing souls then?" Cherri cuts in, scrolling her phone and half-aware of the conversation from where she's laying on the floor, legs against Husk's couch.
Lucifer had been wondering actually.
"Far as I can figure, they either each have individually held contracts but an overarching three-way deal between them that allows a small percentage of ownership across all deals with the Vees... or they have subclauses in their deals to allow multiple owners."
"Gotta be the first one, I recall my contract and it wasn't well written or full of subclauses... I've seen the ones Vox makes up. Surprised that any of his employees can pee without needing to ask permission, his are thorough to the point of no loopholes, whereas Val's are more to the point. He puts down what ya gonna do for him and when, where, how, what the kickback is and then you sign it. Not sure about Velvette, never seen one'a her contracts." Angel shrugs.
"Interesting. Well, like I said, you can't jointly own a soul without everyone agreeing to it... although, it has to be said that it doesn't matter if it was signed willing or under duress. Seen that happen too. Some of the older overlords used that tactic a lot, it was infuriating but the Laws prevent me getting involved between sinner to sinner deals." Lucifer says, then adds. "Of course, you catch a sinner and goetia making a deal, it comes before me for review. Or, you know, Lillith... because of the inherent power imbalance. And with a Sin? Royalty has to be a third party for that one, it's mandatory."
"That's... a lot to handle. You never told me about all the paperwork you and mum had to do, Dad. Is there some way I can help you?"
Not for the first time, did Lucifer wonder how he'd made something so wonderfully caring and earnest as Charlie.
"No, it's fine... happens so rarely these days that it's only a blip in the ocean of things we need to pay attention to. You have your hotel as well, and I'd hate to distract you... plus, I can always ask Alberta here if he'll give me a hand. Just subtly mention the whole healing business... you know Overlords, they hate to be in debt."
"Mmm, maybe try asking as a friend first so it's not weighted against him?" Charlie coaxes. And he holds back an eyeroll, she really is something so optimistic it almost hurts sometimes.
"Sure, Char-Char. I'll ask the deer if he's willing to help." Lucifer can't help but stare at the Overlord a minute longer, his own words echoing in his head. Lilli always took care of the big deals... so why, then, had her own deal with this sinner before him not triggered magic to drop it on his desk? There were safeguards to avoid this very situation.
Royalty couldn't make soul deals with Sinners, well... they could, they just shouldn't. It was just slavery with extra steps at that point. Sure, sinners could own other sinners, and there were FUCKED terms for some contracts but... most had a way out. Your deal holder could die or be overthrown, you could have the contract terminated or finish when the task / time limit ceased, there were dozens of ways to end one. But not if the person holding your leash was an immortal all powerful being.
Goetia rarely died except by political assassinations. The Sins weren't going anywhere. And the Royal Family? Forget about it.
That was why it was never fully balanced.
Now he desperately wanted to know what it was that Lillith had offered, what she had provided. Was it power? Was it protection? Was the deal offered honestly out of care, or... sought under duress? Before she left there had been a lot of rage in his Queen, some of it aimed at him for his failings and poor mental presence... and a lot of it directed at Heaven for their stipulations around Charlie.
He could withstand that anger, he was almost invulnerable. But a Sin? A Goetia? Maybe. A Sinner? They were breakable... but then, that was the best thing about Sinners, they could regenerate as many times as you wanted with only the mental trauma to contend with. Bodies healed as minds broke.
"Dad? You went quiet and kept staring at Al... is everything okay? Like, did you get all the poison out?"
"What? Oh, yeah... just... wondering what your mother could have offered... that's all. She didn't like doing Deals all that much but..."
"...what?" the smallness of the query made him snap back to reality and his eyes locked on Charlotte's face. She seemed to be coming around to a conclusion, and for he first time Lucifer recognised that perhaps this was also something being concealed by the red fucker, like his injury.
It was just... the others at the hotel were so open about their status, wasn't the bellhop?
"Uh... well, first things first I'm going to need you to find all the angelic steel around the place and hide it at the Palace. It can't kill me, but it does hurt and I don't want him getting his hands on it when they all wake up tomorrow." He says, trying to distract and diffuse. "Then, we're all going to pretend I said nothing because I don't think he wanted to share that and I'm still talking, why am I talking? I need to stop doing that..."
He yelps as Angel picks him up and brings him over to the couch Husk is sleeping on, putting the King close enough to both feel and hear the rumbling purr. Oh... oh that was nice. Soothing.
"And now we're gonna breathe in for four... and then out for four, yeah? Good, c'mon now, Short King." Angel coaxed, clearly experienced in managing these situations. That was disheartening.
When he finally had control of himself again, Lucifer buried his face in his hands. "I'm getting tired of being tired and stressed out. That hasn't happened in a long time, either... it was getting better."
"Look, it's true you fucked up a bit and shared something that y'weren't aware was a secret. But we've all done that before, like the time I mentioned to P-... to a friend who ain't around anymore that Cherri would love to take both'a his cute little cocks for a spin, if he'd just ask her to her face for a date. She made me eat one of her bombs, and then bang him myself to give a review..."
That caught Lucifer's attention. "Well...?"
"Huh? Oh, 4.5 stars, he's pretty good at using everything he's got. Just needs a bit more confidence in asking for things, that's all." Angel grins, winking at Vaggie who looked furious that Angel had been banging other guests. "Oh unclench babes, it was outside the hotel."
"...as riveting as this conversation is, could we perhaps hold it elsewhere?" Interjects a decidely startling voice, as the Overlord sits up to glare at them all. Ah, well, fuck... seems the drainage process has siphoned off some other things too. There's a nearly sober, angry overlord glaring at the King.
"Whoa, Smiles you might wanna stay horizontal, you guys went at it hard and I dunno if it's all through your systems yet." Angel cautions, moving to hover. "Just saying, you either feel a bit shitty right now or you're about to."
"I assure you I am perfectly fine, and will remain so for as long as it takes to retire to my own rooms." Alastor replies, there's no heat in the tone. Merely acceptance of the situation. His eyes automatically identify that Mimzy and Husker are alive and cared for, before returning to the miniature monrach. "And now, you are going to explain yourself and why you never learned to keep a secret in your many millenia of existence."
"Ex-cuuuuuse ME?!" Lucifer shoots back. "I didn't know it was a hush hush secret topic, asshole! And I'm sorry, but don't get your damn tail in a twist over it!"
A record scratch filled the air, as red fluffy ears fought not to pin back. Ah, perhaps the tail was also meant to be a little secret?
Shit. Good Job Lucifer.
"Look it ain't a big deal, or it won't be because it's just us here, Smiles... we've all been trapped at some point or other. Heck, you've got Husk and Niffty right now on ya own leash... they're okay enough about it. You think I'd judge you? Me? I'm stuck with someone who treats me like a pre-warmed fleshlite most'a the time, I'm not casting stones in this glass hotel." Angel says, trying to validate the other.
"I... appreciate your candor here, Angel. When there is time, I'm certain I will find space in my schedule to manage the outrageous nonsense those Vees are up to." A well-worded promise without an actual promise. Alastor wanted the trio gone, and if that meant Angel was freed... so be it. "However, you are at liberty to talk about your contract... without reprisal. The fact that not only is someone aware but it happens to involve both royals, breaches two separate clauses. It will be unlikely to go under the radar."
"You know where she is?" Charlie asked, confused, furious and lost in in one big ball.
"Yes. She went... up."
"U-...? OH. Why would she...?"
"I could not say why she made that choice. Just that it was. You were never intended to know this."
"Are you here because of the Deal?" Lucifer asked.
"...perhaps."
"To help or hinder?"
"Both."
"To keep Charlie safe?"
"Yes."
"To keep the hotel safe?"
"Not quite."
"To... sabotage the hotel?"
"...also, not quite."
"To stop anyone from being redeemed?"
Instead of an answer there was a dinging, like someone getting a jackpot on a slot machine.
"How?"
"Unclear, nothing concrete was advised. I merely have to... be here."
"Okay... anything else?"
"Nothing I can discuss."
"What do you get out of it? Seems like a lot of work."
"...nothing. A service was already rendered."
That caught Lucifer off-guard. "What?"
"I can't tell you."
"Okay, okay, uh... did you get power?"
A whump-whump noise played.
"Protection?"
A sad slide whistle.
"Money? Fame?"
An audience booing.
"Hey you try playing 400 questions with no help from the other team, jerk! I'm thinking..."
"Don't strain yourself too hard, we need you alive."
"Oh you fucker..." Lucifer burst into laughter. "Alright, so she did something for you... and now you are stuck o babysitting duty?"
"I-... suppose you could put it that way."
"Did she kill someone for you?"
"No."
"Did you sleep with one another?"
There was a tyre screech sound as Alastor wrinkled his nose at the repugnance of such a question. "Wherever do you get such vile thoughts from, Majesty? No, we have never even been close to intimate."
Okay, ouch. That was His Wife there pal. Maybe ease up on the judgement, huh? Lucifer thought she was fucking gorgeous.
"Did she provide you or someone important to you with something material?"
"No."
"What about... I don't know, it's hard to think of this stuff on the fly. What about..." Lucifer glances at Alastor's chest. "Healing? Did she heal you for some reason?"
"...in a manner of speaking?"
"Oh? Okay, did she heal you after a fight with another Overlord?"
"Technically yes, but it was not the main reason."
"An angelic wound?"
"Also technically yes."
"Did she help with a poison, pysical or magical?"
"You might call it that, but it was also only tangentially involved."
"You are NOT making this easy. So, you fought an Overlord and that did something but wasn't the main reason you needed her help. You were also injured with angelic steel but that wasn't the main reason either. And somehow there was a poison or poisoning essence involved?"
"All true, to some degree."
Lucifer could feel his stomach churning, like his mind had made a conclusion that he didn't want to imagine.
"Was... was Lillith the cause of any of the potential injuries that required healing?"
There was a weighted silence. "Yes."
"Did you start a fight with her?"
"No."
"Did you have a pre-existing relationship?"
"Also no. I had never seen her in person prior to her seeking me out."
"Can you tell me who you were fighting before she arrived?"
"Of course."
Lucifer waited, then rolled his eyes. "Finish the sentence, jackass."
Alastor seemed smug. "Be more specific in your asking. Yes, I can tell you I had been fighting with Vox, but he had decided to include both his new compatriots without any warning that they were there. Three on one can be managed if you know the odds in advance and strategise. An ambush, however, puts you on the backfoot from the beginning of the encounter."
"Was there angelic steel involved in this fight?"
"No."
"The poison?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes. I consider it poison, but the wielder does not."
Angel is frowning, "Wait... are you talking about Val's weird spit stuff?"
"The very same. He's quite clever at applying it in person and also to bladed weaponry, when the mood strikes."
Angel cringes. "Yeah, I can see why you consider that poison... specially when it takes your control away. Fuckin' nasty stuff if ya not prepared for it."
"Why, what does it...?" Lucifer asks, and his eyes widen in disgust as Angel bends to whisper in his ear. Cherri looks ready to kill. "I didn't realise anyone could do that up here or I would have ended him some time ago."
"It's on my To Do list as well." Alastor hums.
"Okay, alright, so facts on the table... fightingg someone, one becomes three and one of them has a venom type ability that can do all sorts of whacky shit... somehow you either get free or Lilli turned up to help?"
"My shadow made the decision that we would leave the encounter. They can act according to their own will as needed. Very useful."
"Okay, so you went somewhere... and my wife found you?"
"Yes."
"Where?"
"My radio tower. The old one I had affixed to the hotel before the battle. There are wards all through it that prevent Vox from following."
"And Lilli just... turned up?"
"Yes. I don't know how she knew or why."
"The angelic injury, did it happen before you left the battle or... after?"
"After. Deliberately."
Lucifer swallowed. He'd guessed, but... now it was confirmed he felt sick again. "And the healing happened after that?"
"Technically yes."
"Was it offered freely?"
"Technically yes. I was free to take up the opportunity or she could-..." Alastor's voice clicked off. Clearly a forbidden topic. "There was no other option."
"She forced you into a Deal then?"
"Hmmm... perhaps."
"And the like 7 ish years you were gone?"
"Making a point abotu disobedience."
"You, being difficult to work with? How unusual!" Lucifer enacted a shocked gasp.
"Are you satisfied with the information provided or would you like something else deeply personal presented in a group setting before I retire, your Shortness? I can always strip for you, since you seem to want to know All..."
"YES!" Angel and Cherri called excitedly, clashing with the rapid-fire "NO!" from Charlie and Vaggie.
Lucifer relents. "No, no that's fine I just... was trying to find a loophole. So you don't get anything from all of this?"
"Correct."
"Any stipulations we can know about? See if we can make it easier for you to weather this?"
Alastor tests a few thoughts and nothing seems to stop him so he proceeds. "I was not supposed to raise arms against HEaven... she was insistent on that. And I did not."
"You... faced the First Man UNARMED are you INSANE?!" Lucifer just about shrieked. "Okay, forget it, I've decided you're too mad to stay around my daughter."
"Hardly, I'm at least 40% sane."
"Beg to differ. Okay, what else?"
"Redemption must not be possible, if it is it must be stopped. Charlotte is not to be harmed where possible, unless it is in conflict with the previous requirement."
"She wanted you to potentially hurt Charlie?"
"As a last resort... but yes. The hotel's defence is mine, but seeking conflict outside of this is not permitted unless in self-defence."
"And...? I feel like there's something you missed out on."
"And... where possible, Lucifer Morningstar is to be kept away from Charlotte, even if it means breaking him psychologically to the point where he is no longer fit to rule. She was insistent on that latter point and suggested where best to press to make you flinch."
"Oh, that explains the Dad-Off..."
"Somewhat. You were also an arrogant bastard who thought himself better than everyone here and needed to be taken down a peg or three."
"I was NOT-..."
"Afraid so, good chap. However, now you're here, I can't technically do anything about it."
"Alright, can she summon you from the hotel?"
"Yes."
"Bugger, I'll put up more wards."
"No. If she realises you know she may enact whatever plan it is that keeps her in Heaven. She has something going on she refuses to speak about."
"Okay. Well my little bracelet there should bounce back any summoning attempts, and I command you to wear it."
"...okay. And what will you do now you know of this matter?"
"...same as I intende to do for everyone here, Bambi... break it, legally."
"You would go against Lillith for such a thing?"
"Yes. This... is against what we agreed on, no soul deals for the royal family and here I find out she's trapping Overlords in deals through force and violence. You may not be the only one. Just the one I know of."
"That is a concerning thought."
"Isn't it just?"
-------
More ideas but its 330am
>Angel asks how he can lose a soul but retain his chains. Lillith was specific in her Deal.
>Mimzy wakes up hungover and angry.
?Cherri was using her phone without the hotel warding on it, so Vox heard everything
>Big confrontation with everyone.
>Lillith has a Plan.
Etc.
