it’s 4 am n i gotta get my brain worms out before i can sleep, so ffuck it..
basically the problem i’ve always had w writing (Aside from the teacher who told me i’d never b a writer) is that i’m Great at coming up w a plot and i’m decent at coming up w characters but-- an this is fuckin important-- i am NOT good at putting them together.
and i have a project im working on rn, potentially the first one ive genuinely felt like i can keep going with? after years, and years of false starts n failures, maybe this is the time, right?
(read more here because it gets progressively less coherent)
and it’s all felt fine up until i’ve actually been writing it. ofc theres the usual shit i expect, like the fear that as my work ages i will hate it (i do), the realization i coulda written something better (yes), the slowly dawning horror that i will have to keep this up, consistently, for however long this takes (it is upon me), etc.
but then theres the fact that i actually learn abt my characters as i write them out-- n as useful as the basic creation facts are they tell me roughly fuck all about how the characters actually are-- n not to mention that as sentient as the characters become they do not see the grand scheme that i, the author, do; the problem then arises that i find little things that don’t make sense and as this is a story that takes so much foresight to write (no joke i think ive hidden like 3-10 easter eggs already and i dont even remmeber all of them or if they’ll even come up, jokes on anyone unlucky enough to b reading it rn,,);.
ANYWAY- because the characters are fully realized once i begin writing them, and a little different than i expected they’d be, and because i know more than they do, it feels like i must forcibly forget the things i know in order to write them and i can’t seem to keep all the necessary details straight alongside the (sometimes) incorrect and (often) limited details my characters have access too (and right now i bet you’re looking at this like ‘write it all down, make a list,’ Fuck I wish I could but you see if I did that buddy, I’d
1: spend as much time writing the list as I would the story and 2: if I wrote the list I would have no motivation to write the story any longer and 3: I have BAD ADHD my pal my buddy my friend you have to understand that I am struggling to make this coherent and failing (i promise the story’s more coherent) anyWAY) --
somehow this still makes sense to me so ill keep going: td;lr I’m pretty sure that a lot of the plot points I originally planned have to either change or the characters have to be deliberately fucked with and changed up to make things work, and another thing that happens is that I lose track of one plot point if I’m doing another, or if I get super sucked into one scene/one angle I can’t think of another or it takes me time to do that --
and that’s why it’s taking me forever to write (not that anyone on tumblr is gonna know what it is till i’ve hit at least 100 pages ofc) and also the adhd is real and getting worse and i desperately want adderall etc but until then i am going to be stuck unable to write all those little scenes that lead up to big things unless it is this one story that i am mysteriously able to handle writing (because it comes in very tiny chunks and half of the work is drawing and it is suffering but i am getting by gdi and yes all of this will b under a read more if you got here congratulations).
When your body has been nauseous all day so you only drank hot liquids and small amounts of food and now at 11pm, you come into my house, into my bedroom, demanding I eat something or you won't stop gurgling, how dare you good sir, I said good day!
Not sure if I’m proud to admit this, but I made Uncle Yo frown as he was talking about his World of Darkness podcast. I only remembered this because of another blogger looking back at this year’s A-Next (Anime Next Expo.) All it took was bringing up the Street Fighter RPG by White Wolf... and its unofficial 20th Anniversary remake. It’s all good though, no harm done. I got more of a chuckle out of it than he did, I think he mostly cringed. But still, why am I tempted to commit evil?
They all already know each other and they're saying how much they're glad to do this last show and I'm just hear and my character can read and write and that's what I'm doing until April, with strangers.
I'm not ready. I keep telling everyone I'm excited and not too nervous but I'm not. I look forward to the new excited faces I'll meet. I'm excited for the new routine I'll fall into. I'm not ready to let go. to not be able to hug my mom when I'm having a shit day. I'm not ready to let go of familiarity and my childhood. this I'd a step forward that I knew was coming but yet didn't see coming. I'm not ready. I'm scared and nervous and would rather go back than forward. So, advice to a younger me: mom got sick and you told yourself you'd change for her but you never did. hug her. tell her you love her. and sarahs hurting too, more than you will ever know. love all and love lots, because one day everything will be different and you won't be okay. and you'll have no one to blame but yourself
Tumblr, I've had finally time to watch the Legend of Korra finale OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't know what to say, but at least I can read all your posts now and also MY SHIP IS CANON
Like, some weeks ago I said to my friend that it feels like it would be possible to have Korrasami as endgame, but since no one ever does that, they're not going to do it, and now....
Korra and Asami riding into the sunset together.
And there was so much awesome teamwork as well, and I loved loved loved the end with Korra and Kuvira in the spirit world, two sides of a mirror. <3<3<3<3<3
