personal musings / rant below the cut
this was a lot longer because i felt like an ungrateful whiny ass bitch for what i wanted to say. i threw out 1001 different justifications for my feelings, but eventually deleted that all and decided to leave it as follows (it really is just me getting this off my chest):
i know my job is a privilege for so many reasons. and i know it might appear that way to alot of people as well, and yes it is true, having a job is a privilege, this job is a privilege, everything that has gotten me here and which has resulted from this is a privilege.
but it is also a job that is truly all consuming and draining. i won’t quit it for the foreseeable future, but i am tired. not only in the i need to sleep kind of tired, but i am just tired. mentally, emotionally, i am exhausted.
if you know, you know (and i am sure many other jobs are this way as well; it is not unique to me) - but the constant pressure to check my work phone, respond to emails even if i am ready to turn in, turn a draft over the weekend though there is no real urgency; panic leaving dinner at times to deal with something that came in; the constant feeling like i am not enough and will never be enough; dealing with upward, downward, external, sideway pressure; never being able to truly switch off; not knowing what the day will bring; i just alfhdkahkdhskdhskhd
and i guess the worst thing is not knowing if feeling this, all those things, will ever end (probably not).
often times i question if this is all worth it? but then - would i be able to give it up? probably not. so really, is the problem myself?
not asking for sympathy 😂 i brought this upon myself and i am quite a tough cookie, just…. needed to express some thoughts.
