#incorrect aftg

[codename-adler]

neil josten :

[m4rs-ex3]

andrew, who is hopelessly devoted and desperately in love: i hope you get curbstomped. neil, stupid demisexual who could not have less of a clue and doesn't know what romance is: you just want me to stop asking you questions. too bad. i have to know you, because how else am i ever supposed to know myself? my soul was welded to yours with the heat of my heart the first time you set it on fire. let me in, andrew. that's all i can hope for. can we go play exy

[incorrect-all-for-the-game]

Neil: Handcuffs fucking hurt

Roland: use silk rope next time

Neil: I don’t think I can convince Riko Moriyama to use silk rope.

[kairospy]

AU:

Neil doesn’t meet the foxes, he’s instead caught by the FBI

He helps them catch his father and bring down his empire.

One day he’s brought in to Andrew’s lecture as a guest speaker

The Q&A at the end:

Student: Have you ever killed someone?

Neil: There’s two FBI agents at the door who advised me against answering that specific question. There’s your answer.

Student: What’s the best way to get fake documents?

Neil: I’m legally required to say “don’t”.

Student: What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?

Neil: See, that’s a trick question, because if I answer it becomes the most illegal thing I’ve admitted to.

Student: What’s the hardest lie youve ever had to tell?

Neil: “Sure, I’d love to do a Q&A with a bunch of people who are weirdly obsessed with my father and decided to study crimes because they don’t have the balls to commit them.”

Student: Are you afraid your father’s people will come after you?

Neil *at the end of his fucking rope*: No, I feel completely safe. That’s why I’ve got armed federal agents waiting outside.

Student: How’d you get caught?

Neil: First of all, rude. Second, the FBI made a very compelling argument

Student: …which one

Neil: “cooperate or find out exactly how many laws you’ve broken” - said by a guy holding a very thick file. Direct. Effective. Hard to argue while zip-tied to a chair.

Student: What’s something you miss about your old life?

Neil: being able to leave a room without seven cops and a judge asking where I’m going.

Student: If you could do it all over again, would you?

Neil: I’d rather set myself on fire. I know you don’t understand that reference, but trust me when I say it’s funny.

Student: how many identities have you had?

Neil: Simultaneously or in total?

Student: …total?

Neil: enough that I had to check my ID before answering roll call

Student: what’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?

Neil: do you want me to answer this as Neil Josten or Nathaniel Wesninski? The distinction matters.

Student: Have you ever made someone disappear?

Neil *looking over his shoulder at Browning*: goodness gracious no

Student: How many languages do you speak?

Neil: enough to talk my way out of things… mostly into them, though

Student: Why did you agree to talk to us?

Neil: it was this or community service

He’s as unhelpful as possible.

His entire goal is to waste everyone’s time while making it just interesting enough that no one can call him out on it.

And Andrew? He’s watching. He’s enthralled. He’s interested, and isn’t that odd.

The professor looks like she regrets her entire career. Half the class is too stunned to speak. Browning is wondering if the punishment for beating up the most valuable witness the FBI has in custody would be worth it. (It would)

Anyway long story short. 5 minutes in Andrew’s in love

[derangedthoughtssideblog]

biblically accurate Neil and Andrew Instagram profiles

[peterpatterr]

Andrew: I’m here for a good time, not a long time.

Nicky: Andrew, so far you’ve had, like… a horrible time.

[yourgalgremlin]

Neil: Are you hitting on me or threatening me?

Andrew: Yes.

Neil: Cool. Let’s form a bond so devastatingly beautiful that the readers suspend their beliefs that the Japanese mafia would ever let me live.

Andrew: You’re so hot & traumatized & literally the man of my meds induced psychosis dreams.

& they were in love.

[stevesnightmares]