Sep 16, 2023
Alec Lightwood: You know, sometimes I really think I can be too straight.
Magnus Bane: (covered in bi merch and sipping an iced coffee) How unfortunate for you.
seen from Japan
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Alec Lightwood: You know, sometimes I really think I can be too straight.
Magnus Bane: (covered in bi merch and sipping an iced coffee) How unfortunate for you.
Jace: Any idiot would know that.
Simon: I knew that!
Jace: See?
Alec: How on Earth did he get hurt?
Clary: Well… I kinda distracted Jace
Alec: What. Did. You. Do
Clary: There was a knife flying towards him so I yelled DUCK
Alec:
Clary: He freaked out and tumbled down the stairs
s i z z y
Alec: if you break my sister’s heart i’ll break ur neck
Simon: if i break izzy’s heart, SHE will break my neck and the rest of my bones
Magnus: Have you got plans for tonight, darling?
Alec: Yeah, I have a wine and bitching night with Maia and Clary.
Magnus: What do you guys usually bitch about?
Alec: Usually Jace, he pisses us off the most.
THE LAST HOURS AS VINES
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Matthew: hey guys I'm really sad
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James: is there anything better than p*ssy
James: yes, a really good book
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Christopher: look at this graph
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Matthew (to alastair): imma fuckin ripp your face off, bitch
Christopher: what did he do?
Matthew: cause he fuckin pushed me!
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Christopher: haha thAt is not cOrreCt
Christopher: because according to the encyclopedia of pdldkskoajd
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Matthew: people are constantly asking what it's like to be a sexy–
Matthew: *trips and falls*
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Charles: no off topic questions
Charles: because I don't want to
Charles: no that– no
Charles: permission denied
Charles: that's an off topic question, next
Charles: you have been stOPPed
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Cordelia: hey everyone today my brother pushed me so I started a kickstarter to put him down
Cordelia: the benefits of killing him would be I would get pushed way less
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Anna: hey I'm lesbian
Christopher: I thought you were american british
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Christopher: would you rather kill alastair or–
Matthew: yes. kill him.
Christopher: I didn't say the other–
Matthew: I don't need to hear it.
Alastair: feeling a little unsafe...
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Anna: oh so you're not coming to my tea party?
Anna: Cordelia, I MADE BISCUITS
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Matthew: I don't sing in the shower
Matthew: i PERFORM
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Alastair: stop saying I look like chicken little
Alastair: he's dumb and he's a coward
Alastair: and I'm NOT a coward
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Christopher: an avocado thanksss
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James and Cordelia: *kissing in the whispering room*
Matthew: wtf is this allowed
Matthew: wtf... is that allowed
Cordelia: stOp
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*the first time in the hell ruelle*
Malcolm: has anybody ever told you you look like beyoncé
Cordelia: nah they usually tell me I look like cordelia
Malcolm: who the fuck is that
Cordelia: me
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Alastair: oh hi thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage
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Matthew: so I'm sitting there, bbq sauce on my tiddies
James: *rolling on floor laughing*
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James: *shoots a chandelier with a pistol*
Lucie: THIS IS WHY MOM DOESN'T FUCKING LOVE YOU
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Matthew: Well, when life gives you lemons
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Thomas: road work ahead?
Thomas: uh yeah I sure hope it does
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Matthew: and just remember
Matthew: nobody is gonna hate you more than you already hate yourself
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Christopher: HEY HEY HEY
Thomas: shhh james is sleeping
Christopher, whispering: sorry
Thomas, also whispering: what's up?
Christopher, still whispering: there's a fire
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Lucie (about matthew and james): two bros chilling in a hot tub five feet apart cos they're not gay
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Matthew: oscar do you want the ball
Matthew: *throws ball into a tower of bottles*
Oscar: *jumps to catch the ball*
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James: uaAAAAHHH
Matthew: staaahhhp I coulda dropped my croissant
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jesse: *sneaking on tiptoes through the house*
jesse: *trips and falls* ah fuck
lucie: who's there???
jesse: nobody fuck off
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James (to Will): you are my daaad
James: you're my dad!
James: boogie woogie woogie
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Matthew: *is asleep*
James: *pours water bottle on matthews head*
Matthew: hello?
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James (to alastair): I'm about to say it
James: I don't care that you broke your elbow
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Matthew: hey guys good alternative to recycling
Matthew: when you're done with a glass bottle, eat it
Matthew: fuckin eat the bottle
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Christopher, with his newly invented weapon: don't fuck with me I have the power of God and anime on my side
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Cordelia: hi im renata bliss and I'm your freestyle dance teacher
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Matthew: two shots of vodka
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James: don't tell your mother
Grace: kiss one another
James: DIE FOR EACH OTHER
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Thomas: man do you have any shaving cream?
Christopher: nah I don't like the way that it tastes
Thomas: wait you eat shaving cream
Christopher: no why would I eat it if I don't like the taste
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Grace: I spilled lipstick in your valentino bag
Tatiana: you spilled– whdoahdhskhaha liPSTICK in my vALENTINO WHITE BAG
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lucie to cordelia: dude I've heard rumors that these stairs are like haunted
lucie: apparently some guy died here when he was like 9 or something
jesse: im 17 so shut the fuck up
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Magnus: Alec, I just realized something. I had a bad childhood.
Alec: yeah I know
Magnus: what do you mean you know?
Alec: look at you
Magnus: what do you mean, 'look at me'?
Alec: look at how you stand, people who had good childhoods don't stand like that.
shadowhunter characters as my sister's weird habits
Will: straight up screaming instead of laughing when met with something unexpectedly funny
Kit: napping in ridiculous places, like curled up on a foot-wide weight room bench or draped over a set of pull-up bars
Emma: Cursing out every person cutting her off on her way out of the school parking lot (the stoplight is ridiculously long and singlehandedly adds five minutes to the drive home)
Anna: Not really a habit but once asked me to wolf-whistle at her boyfriend for her because she couldn't do it loud enough (I couldn't either)
Alec: lying down fully horizontal on random surfaces like two bar stools or a tiny classroom desk
Kieran: consistently forgetting to close the bathroom door, inadvertently letting our cat in, where he takes the opportunity to shred our toilet paper
Matthew: opens the passenger window to scream across the car from the driver's seat at her boyfriend while driving
Jace: angrily bites down on the piano cover when she screws up while practicing
Clary: turns church sermons into one-page sketch collages