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At some point probably:

Will: Eli! Look, I get it, I did the exact same kind of dumb stuff when I first became The Shane too.

Wife: You did the same kind of dumb stuff last Tuesday.

Will: Not the point!

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Here's a strategy: Run real fast!

Eli, when any plans (or lack of) don’t work out

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Trixie: You and me, together again, huh?

Pronto: How come every time you say that, I end up getting shot at?

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You may be the one, but you're not the ONLY one.

Shani to Eli

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You're trying so hard to prove you can master all of his moves. But his game just won't work for you. You've got to get your own moves, work your own groove, make your own name, find your own game, and play play play, play it your way!

People to Eli (about being his own kind of Shane)

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*Whispering* Scaring people is fun because they deserve it.

Dana

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At Dinner One Night:

Pronto: [looking around] So, where's my chair?

Trixie: Oh, um, I think Eli broke it over Kord's back when they were wrestling.

Kord: Correction, he was wrestling, I was eating soup.

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Eli: Hey, how would you like your coffee?

Kord: As dark and bitter as my soul.

Eli: One glass of milk coming up.