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Martin: Does seeing all of us fail make you feel better about your sad, pathetic life?

Ms Albright: It does, 100%.

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I'm bisexual. So what? It's a thing, and it's real. I mean, it's called LGBTQ for a reason. There's a B in there, and it doesn't mean badass... okay, it kinda does. But it also means bisexual.

Leah Burke

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Martin: Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly!

Bram: You're right! Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody.

Bram: You, however, I would maim.

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Simon: See, Blue, the way the whole "friend" thing works is you have to tell each other the deep stuff.

Blue: The deep stuff? Like what?

Simon: Like, uh... what's your favorite color?

Blue: Well, now you've stepped over the line.

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That's it. You're too polite to brag. Well, fine, let me. Because the only person on earth who loves Bram more than Simon Spier is drunk Simon Spier.

Simon, drunk

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Alice: We're a family. Families talk about things.

Simon: No! Families ignore things until they go away.

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Bram: Simon, what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Simon: Oreo cereal.

Bram: I didn't even know Oreos made a cereal.

Simon: They don't. It's just Oreos in a bowl with milk.

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Martin: Simon! Is Abby in there?

Simon: Oh, actually-

Abby: [runs to and crashes out of the window]

Simon: ... she just left.