Incorrect SVTHSA quotes

Quotes that may or may not be from Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda.

[bchnnbrns]

Bram: Simon, care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?

Simon: They’re Golden Retrievers, Bram. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

[incorrectgays]

Simon: you know, someone really needs to take me out

Bram: like… on a date? or with a sniper?

Simon: surprise me

[incorrectsvthsa]

Abby: How would you like your coffee?

Leah: As dark and bitter as my soul.

Abby: One vanilla latte with extra sugar and whipped cream coming right up.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Simon: Due to circumstances beyond my control-

Leah: Impulsivity and inattention to detail.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Abby: I- I'm not interested in you in that way.

Martin: What way?

Abby: Pick one.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Martin: Does seeing all of us fail make you feel better about your sad, pathetic life?

Ms Albright: It does, 100%.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Simon, let me tell you something about boys: They're terrible people and I don't think you should go out with them.

Alice, to Simon

[incorrectsvthsa]

Alice: We're a family. Families talk about things.

Simon: No! Families ignore things until they go away.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Leah: Hey, Si? Can I get some dating advice?

Simon: Just because I'm with Bram doesn't mean I know how I did it.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Simon: Bram freaked out 'cause I told him I never drink water, so now he's making me drink eight glasses a day. It's like, there's water in soda, there's water in coffee, there's little pools of water on pizza-

Leah: That's grease, Si.

Simon: Well, it's wet, isn't it?

[incorrectsvthsa]

Alice: Why do I always have to be the one that has to set the good example for everyone?

Simon: Hello.

Alice: Oh, that's why.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Martin: Hey!

Abby: Ugh, this guy again.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Nick: I never promise Abby anything.

Nick: That way I never disappoint her.

[incorrectsvthsa]

Simon: Good question, Nick.

Nick, to Abby: How come you don't point out when I ask good questions?

Abby: I don't love you like he does.

Simon: Told you.

[incorrectsvthsa]

I'm a firm believer in 'if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly'.

Martin Addison

[incorrectsvthsa]

You're going to go through life thinking that people don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole.

Abby to Martin

[incorrectsvthsa]

Martin: Simon! Is Abby in there?

Simon: Oh, actually-

Abby: [runs to and crashes out of the window]

Simon: ... she just left.