I Deed a tissue…HELP!!!
Is there anything more adorable than a person with a terrible head cold, a big sore nose… On the precipice of the colds biggest sneeze… with no tissues available?
I was 26 and working at an office downtown… She was the receptionist; a real trooper at a time when people would actually go to work with a raging cold.
The elevator door opened and I could see her sore nostrils… And a box of tissues at the ready. I knew immediately from the nasal voice that she had come down with quite the cold. The “good bordig” gave it away. Because I’m me I had to engage so we discussed her nose and she regaled me of her nasal maladies from just one ride to work. Sneezing blowing tissues in a pile in the train. Basically your classic cold nightmare.
That said- I only saw one box of puffs for the nose… What would happen after? Was she going to use toilet paper or hard napkins. Surely this nose was going to blow through the contents of a single box of tissues. I imagine the situation and went back to work after thoroughly enjoying her stories and her brave battle with a germ in the nose.
Well, a few loud blows later - and It was her chance to go to the mail room. As she passed- I saw the quick eye twitch and the big wet sniffle - a sudden check of the pockets and the sleeve of her sweater. “Ehh ehhh - I deed to Sd sde sdeeee sdeeze…”. And this was gonna be a big one… A wet one… A snotty one… An eruption from the nose. She stumbled, put her finger under her nose to Ward off the oncoming blast… still searching, asking for a tissue “does addy wud have subthig…subthig for be to sd sdeee sdeeeze - ahhhhhh chummmffffff”.
The force was tremendous the noise of her nose hitting the palm of her hand sounded like a French horn hitting a B note. An explosion of thick white snot blew between her fingers and up towards her hair.  It was both horrific and glorious. This poor woman had nothing to cover what was clearly the most epic of sneezes from her cold. She turned left. She turned right then hit a B line to the bathroom… 30 feet away all the while yelling - “ oh my goodness oh my goodness… I need a tissue I need a tissue I need a tissue”.
Once in the bathroom- the sneezing started - 1-2-3 then a 4th- then the longest wettest thickest blow. When she came back out, she looked like she had been through a three round fight - Her hair was askew - her nose swollen; the color of an old punching bag.
She sat back down in her chair, grabbed what was left in the tissue box and said… “you’re with bee…Sdiff Sdiff”.
