#ineloquence

[assandanattitude]

I found a picture of us. That very first one we ever took. The one I printed and framed for you. The one that made you cry. I'm sure you remember it, you kept it on your nightstand for three years. But I had forgotten. I found it buried deep in other things I did not care about, a pile of things I had planned to sort through at a later date. And suddenly I saw your face. And I didn't recognize you. But more than that, I didn't recognize the girl in your embrace. That girl that I used to be. She is a part of me that lives on only in the ill remembered memories of those unable to move forward. It seems I am not one of those people. And it's odd to stare at this piece of my past and not wish for it back, as if I wasn't meant to hold it in the first place. But at the same time, I know that it's right. It seems I've forgotten you, and soon you'll forget me too.

[ineloquence]

3 years full of pretending,

All those days filled so with lies,

That I let you love this girl,

Whom I crafted before your eyes.

It's not that she wasn't me,

At one point she could have been,

But by the time you met her,

That point of my life had come to end.

I fear you're falling for a ghost.

Shattered dreams and memories,

What once was but never will again.

You cling so tightly to the past,

You dont see me,

But who i was before.

The girl that you hold so very dear,

She doesnt live here anymore.

[ineloquence]

Im home.

If you can call it that when my heart is miles away.

An ocean between us,

Each of us counting down the days,

Until you're back,

Safe, and in my arms,

I'll keep your pillow warm.

[ineloquence]

A whiff of familiarity on the breeze,

Emotions bring me to my knees,

You were here with me,

If only for a moment.

[ineloquence]

And here we go again,

Another growing distance,

You think I'd be used to the emptiness by now,

But this time feels so different.

[ineloquence]

April is a loneliness I've met before.

Though this year seems different,

Am I less lonesome or so much more?

It is familiar,

And yet I find myself afraid.

Perhaps it is the sunny days I find myself missing you the most,

The sunny rays highlight the dark spots that the rain so easily hides away.

In the storms I lose sense that I myself am dark,

But I cannot hide this away underneath the daylight spark.

I miss you.

[ineloquence]

My mother went gray at an early age,

As did her mother,

Neither making it out of their 20s unscathed,

Whether outside factors or familial trait,

I'm not quite ready for this fate,

I plucked my first gray hair today.

[ineloquence]

I wonder about you often,

Of the what ifs,

The might have beens,

Of who I am,

And who I was,

And if I'll ever meet her again.