Okay so I know I've gotten a couple messages from you in the past few days. I'm gonna try to answer all of them
For your oldest message- I'm so sorry your parents aren't very supportive. As far as your gender, remember that even if you choose to do nothing about it, it doesn't negate who you are. And it also doesn't change that you have time to figure yourself out. there's no rush.
For the message you wrote on Sunday - Honestly listening to your body and not listening to diet culture is SO hard. I still struggle with it every day. I'm proud of you for trying your best! And as far as your dad...he just sounds so picky! Did he ever work in the military? But yeah you're not stupid, that's....a lot.
And for the message you wrote on monday - you are NOT going crazy. But you do need help. Forgive me for needing a reminder, but is there any adult besides your parents you can talk to? A teacher, coach, therapist, anyone? I just want you to have a support system, you know? Also remember there a hotlines you can text and call, there's a list of them on my pinned post! And it's absolutely okay to vent to me, please don't worry about it.
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Infinite anon
Hi cas,
I really don’t know how to start writing this (it’s the first time I right an anon, idk why I’m so nervous, but either way).
So, imma give first some context cuz I feel it’s needed.
So let’s just say that I’m not the most affectionate person to exist. And well, we were having lunch, me and my family, and my father brings out that I’m not affectionate. I’ve listened to this just way too many times, normally I can control myself, but today I’ve just not been able to and I just get up and go to room and start crying. Then my mother comes and tries to console me and she doesn’t stop touching me. I’ve told her infinite times -emphasis on infinite- that I don’t like touch, I don’t know why but it just repulses me. And she doesn’t stop touching me, so instead of getting better, I’m worse. And through this, she keeps saying that I should be more affectionate, warm, loving and everything. But I think she should understand that she’s asking for me to be someone that I’m not. And I don’t how to communicate this more clearer as I’ve already done so and it has no effect.
Some time passes and suddenly she says. “Are you like this cuz you’d think that I wouldn’t accept you if I knew that you like girls?”
Ok, so this happens and I’m like, what? Like, ok, she accepts it, but how does she know? I mean, around the internet I’m really open so maybe she’s read a comment on a TikTok or something like that. Maybe she’s seen my Pinterest. But she doesn’t know what my TikTok or Pinterest accounts are. Does that mean that she somehow controls everything that I do? I more or less suspected it but I prefer to not think much about it. And also, anywhere that may say that I like girls it says that I’m pansexual. So she must know that. And I feel that she made the comment before with reluctance as if she didn’t want to admit that I’m pansexual. As if if she just said girls and didn’t say the word pansexual it wasn’t real. And I’ve spent a lot of time fighting with myself to come to terms with it. My family’s really conservative and I’ll never forget a New Year’s Eve that we watched first dates -idk if it airs anywhere else, but in Spain it is, as the title indicates, about first dates- and there was someone who was bisexual. So, point is, all of my family was making comments such as “all-terrain”, “2x1”,… And this now lives rent-free in my mind cuz if they thought that bisexuals were that, what will they think I am?
And I also just couldn’t feel more outed. I thought that one day I’d be able to say it and be brave, now I’ve lost the opportunity. I must admit that I thought that if people just discovered it it would be easier, it isn’t. Though I’m still not out to anyone else, so maybe I can do so to them. But that’s also a problem as my brother and my father make too many homophobic comments and then sometimes my friends, although they like to look like allies, they say things like “they’ve appropriated of many things that now I can’t use”, “why do they act like that?” and shit like that.
So now I’m just a pansexual-outed(I wouldn’t consider it outed but the fact that my mother knows and not because I told her makes me feel outed)-mess who also doesn’t feel completely aligned with being a girl, demigirl maybe, but I’ve never told anyone, except the internet. And I feel that if anyone knew, then I wouldn’t be supported in any way and I would lose everyone.
And I don’t know what to do cuz I already censored myself way too much around my family and now I’m doing it even more. Also, I feel that in the upcoming elections from my country my father'll vote to the equivalent of Trump here and I don’t know how to face that -i really hope he changes his mind-. And also, I’ve really started to doubt myself if I’m allowed to want to have boundaries regarding touch. Am I entitled to have sensory issues? I mean, I definitely don’t like having them, but there are parts of my body where I just can’t even fathom a light touch. I feel like my culture is too warm, and I just don’t enjoy it at all, sometimes I feel it too overwhelming.
So, all in all, I don’t know what to do with all of this and I just don’t know how to feel.
Just noticed how much I wrote. Well, if you just read it I’ll be forever grateful, I just had to write it somewhere and i feel that clicking the button ‘ask’ will make me feel much better.
So, thank you for reading.
Hi! First of all, you are ABSOLUTELY entitled to decide when and how you are touched, even if you didn't have sensory issues. You have a right to have absolute control over your body!!
But as far as what your mom said, that wasn't cool. Your sexuality is a separate issue. If you feel comfortable, I think you should tell her that upset you and you wish she brought it up at a different time. But if you don't, just know that that was not okay.
But YES please know your boundaries are ABSOLUTEY okay. Don't doubt that for a second!
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ChickFilA Anon
am i a bad person for wanting to live (a little bit) ignorantly so i won’t feel guilty about giving money to not good people?
(ex. I watch Disney still and eat chick fil a and listen to Taylor swift)
My brother is like a super activist and always gets mad when I mention liking those things. I do what I can like buying book secondhand but sometimes it’s just so much work and I would rather order it on Amazon.
I feel guilty when my brother points it out to me, but other times I just don’t care.
Am I a bad person for that?
Here's the thing. I love the people who are able to have the time, dedication, and resources to be super activists all the time. But honestly...and this might be a hot take...activism is only a PART of my life. I try to make informed choices wherever possible, and I think other people should too, but I also have to do my job, take care of myself, be in a relationship, etc. I am a thousand percent supportive of people who can put activism first always, but I can't always do this and I don't just people who don't, either.
Also I think there's a difference between some of these things...like yeah Taylor Swift has a private jet but she also donates millions to food banks. Chick Fil A donates to charities that are anti-lgbtqia. So to me, I feel fine listening to Taylor so I do, but less great about giving money to Chick Fil A, so I actively avoid it. It's relative, ig.
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Outlet Anon
Hey cas, outlet anon here. Man have I had an eventful day. So I ride horses, and today I was working a diffiult horse who's been on stall rest (bed rest) for a while due to some back and hoof problems. He did really well all things considered, and I'm really proud of him! I was able to give his owner a few pointers on riding him in the future and I might get to do it again next week. Anyway, I was riding in a western saddle, which is basically just the ones with saddle horns (the things cowboys hang ropes on), and I hit my thumb on the horn at just the right angle that a small piece got wedged under my nail (not at all the horse's fault) and fell apart when I tried to take it out. I put a bandaid on it anf finished my ride since it hurt a little bit but didn't constitute getting off early. My mother was with me (she likes to watch me ride) and she took one look at it and drove me straight to an urgent care. We waited for an hour (honestly, 'urgent' care? Please. The day those people are 'urgent' is the day I turn straight) before I got called back. Long story short, the doc couldn't get it out (he dug as far uder my nail as he was willing to) so he numbed up my thumb and cut a portion of my nail off (about a centimeter or so). I now have a bunch of shit wrapped around most of my thumb and have to replace the bandages every morning for a week. I get home and my service dog is like "wtf did you do? See, this is what happens when you leave me" so I let him sniff my thumb and the fucking maniac tries to EAT IT. Like... my dog is crazy, I've known that. That's why I bought him. But trying to eat my damn thumb, which is covered in some antibacterial shit that doesn't even smell like anything, is a new level. He chose my thumb over food. That dog loves food more than literally anything. I had to put his shock collar on so the gremlin would stop trying to devour me. So yeah, fun day :):
Honestly the fact that you managed to do that is impressive. I hope your thumb feels better soon! Also it sounds like your dog was rightfully concerned lol
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Alabama Anon
you know that feeling when you’ve got something you really need to tell people? Like you’ve known something for so long and you just want to tell the people you love and get it out into the world. But you don’t. Because you don’t know what they’ll think when you tell them. How could you possibly know what they’d say? Or if they’d still stick around? You know how that feels?
I feel like this currently. The thing I need to tell my people is that I’m bisexual. I live in a sort of rural area in Alabama, so a lot of the people in my town are quite conservative. I don’t even know if there are other queer people at my school. There probably are, but no one has said anything and I don’t want to be the first. I really want to tell somebody though, so I’m telling you.
I feel like I’ve got a pretty good group of people, but you just never know what people will think. If I came out to the wrong person they could tell the whole school.
Some of the people at my school already make comments about me. And some of the things they say about the other girls are absolutely disgusting. I honestly want to punch them.
I apologize for the length of this. It sort of turned into a rant. But anyways, I love your work. I really do like the stuff you write. It always makes me feel happy inside, if you know what I mean. Thank you for reading this whole thing, if you did. I really appreciate it.
Ugh yes I definitely know this feeling and I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. Could you kind of 'test out' your friends first by talking about queer celebrities or something and seeing how they react? Just so you can make sure you're safe.
I hope you have a support system in your family or in other people around you. It's absolutely awful having to go figure out these things alone, so I am sending you so much love <3
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⭐️ anon
so i came out to my dad. it was kinda weird because he came into my room and basically told me that my mom knew that i thought i was bi and wanted to talk about it, basically he told me he would love me no matter what but he just wanted to know (which i was really stressed out about because he’s a pastor) so i told him that i was a girl and i think i like girls too and it went so much better than i thought he just hugged me and we watched a tv show together. i just wanted to thank you for giving me the confidence to actually come out and now i don’t feel like im hiding this huge thing from my family. i probably won’t be publicly coming out soon just because of our current leadership in America but i just wanted to thank you so so so much for helping me.
-⭐️ anon
AHHHH I'm so glad it went so well and your family supports you! I really wish we could say the same about the government, but it makes me so happy to at least know your parents have your back <3 I'm sending you so much love!
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6 anon
WE MADE IT TO STATES!!!
Also, I agreed to meet my dad for lunch.
JEY USO WON THE MENS ROYAL RUMBLE!!
AHHHH congratulations!!! That's amazing!! Keep me updated (if you want) on your dad!
MINGYU HOW DARE YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS. I TRY AND STAY LOYAL TO HOSHI AND MINGHAO BUT NO YOU HAVE TO COME ALONG AND TRY AND STEAL ME. YOU TOO DINO. I'M WATCHING YOUUUUUU -infinite
Mingyu: //pouty// WAHHHH! infinite anon!!! I would never!!! I only hurt our awards //hehe// , never carats ;)
Dino: stealing me you tho, Mingyu hyung and I may be guilty ~
infinite anon here ~~ (can i be infinite anon 👁 yeah i’m infinite anon hehe, the guy with the blonde hair in the eye is maknae sungjong !! and yes the chaser soty ~
infinite anon!! yes ofc u can be :D <3
i always notice the younger ones. baby solidarity ig ://
the chaser has no right being so good? like shit why cant people make songs like that anymore. as my friend said “not every song can be the chaser” and like... i get that... but i really think people should reconsider releasing songs that arent the chaser ya know?
I'm sorry I don't really know what's happening with KNK or Bap either... I've been waiting patiently for a KNK comeback too :'( - that infinite anon
omg no dw I’d just seen some people talking about Bbang writing songs about world stuff and I was like where ???? and then stuff about knk having a comeback and I was like W H E R E ?????
I’m gonna go with Hoya bc of how much he makes me laugh but they’re all so wonderful it’s hard to pick just one bias :((Sunggyu comes in a close close second tho
infinite anon here!! so I was bored n lookin at random infinite threads and I found one that was ranking infinite in terms of dance vocal and visuals and acting (for those who commonly act). for vocals it had myungsoo as 3rd, dancing as 4th for myungsoo and acting as 2nd. now I love myungsoo but like his singing is weird!! His dancing isn't bad I don't think that ranking was wrong but i personally think that even dongwoo has a better singing voice than L. Same with Hoya
i call myung my off pitch prince for a reason omggg. thats a reach he at best has good breath support. tbqh dongwoo nd hoya sing p well and sometimes i hear dongwoo sing…and i wish he wasnt just the rapper lmaooo. myungsoo nd sunggyu used to look so awkward dancing and now they dont look too bad!! especially sunggyu he improved A LOT. my dancing grandfather
it's ya daily infinite Stan!!! so a little about me I'm black n rlly tall n my faves are dongwoo sungjong and sunggyu!! hbu ?? most likely sungyeol but anyone else? another reason why I like talking to u is cus ur a black infinite Stan and I don't know too many :( and idk if infinite rlly knows they hav many black fans but anyway I was watching some old infinite shows and sunggyu rlly does fit the description of a Taurus smh still love him tho
my faves are everyone but myung and h*ya lmaooo. however i am woohyun and sungyeols gf. it me. tbh there arent a lot of ifnt stans (that i can deal w) on tumblr. but i kno fa facts their fanbase isnt small so they need to get with the program nd realize theyre lucky to have our black asses as stans! sunggyu is my grandfather i love his old ass even tho i flame him constantly. have you watched sesame player?
