midnights anon, intrusive thoughts anon, not so freshman anon, honest advice anon, tempted anon
midnights anon
Helloooo! How are you?
I’ve been so stressed the past few weeks because of the play I was in (and also a new unit in chemistry, my math teacher being very difficult… and also losing my voice the day before the show 😭😭)
But it’s over! And it was also like… so rewarding?? The cast party was so fun, it was basically a really long sleepover because we had to be in the building together hanging out/performing from 11 AM to 11 PM, i just—
I don’t even know how to explain all the stuff I’m feeling!! Cuz I was so happy and just AGH. It feels like cuteness aggression sorta, because I can’t even articulate how happy the memory of the show makes me, but then I also feel kinda embarrassed to be freaking out over it so much??? I just feel all weird, I haven’t felt that happy in ages so now that I’m feeling that I just don’t know what to doooooooo
And two of my favorite artists came out with new songs which means they’ll both probably be on tour soon/release a new album, and now that the show is over I can leave school BEFORE it’s pitch black outside!!! NOT at 9 pm… NOT at 5:30… but THREE PM. FREEDOM!!!!!!
I actually feel pretty hopeful just in general, and I’m one year clean in 12 days!
—midnights anon
Hi!
I’m so glad to hear you’re doing so well! Congrats on the show being such a success, that’s amazing! And also, you shouldn’t be embarrassed at all, it’s a major accomplishment! I’m so proud of you for all of this and you should be, too!
__
intrusive thoughts anon
Hi! so you didn't do a private ask so I just didn't copy your ask, I hope that's okay?
Okay so I’m still reading your message but as I’m reading the texts…my friend. You need to have some boundaries. I’m saying this in such a loving way, but this person is basically saying they don’t value you and you’re saying ‘okay but I’m still here for you whenever you need.’ um NO! You do not owe them your time or energy. Like sure, people can decide to not be friends, but then they dont get the benefits of emotional support.
Yeah as I’m reading more of what you’re saying, it’s clear to me: this person is using you for emotional support and you do NOT deserve that. You seem like an amazing friend and wasting your time on someone who point-blank said they don’t want to be friends with you is not what you deserve. You need to set boundaries: “If we’re not friends, I’m not giving you my emotional bandwidth.” It sounds cruel, but it’s not. You can;t have one-sided relationships like this, it’s not fair to you.
Ps. chat gpt sucks
__
not so freshman anon
Hi!
Okay so I think the thing about if/how to confess, to me, is to ask yourself: when you look back on this (because you will, not because it’s necessarily life-changing, but because it matters so much right now) what will you think?
Like…imagine yourself in ten years. You’re dating someone, you have a good group of friends, you’re on your way to doing well in a career, and the emotions of this situation are long removed. What will you wish you’d done? What would you want to tell your kids you’d done? What ADVICE would you give your kids?
And I don’t think there’s one right answer. It depends on safety, and comfort level, and goals, and communication style. Like I look back on some of the decisions I made, and sometimes I’m like “oh I’m glad I didn’t say anything” like when I had a crush on a super popular boy in middle school and I definitely would have gotten ripped to shreds if I tried to shoot my shot. But sometimes I’m like “oh I really wish I did say something” like in high school I liked this person and I’m pretty sure, looking back, they liked me, too. (for the record, I’m not MAD that I didn’t say anything…I ended up with my wife and I’m so happy. I just am kind of like…kicking myself for not being a bit braver, because younger me could have used the pick-me-up of knowing they were likeable.)
What do you think you-in-ten-years will wish you did?
__
honest advice anon
Hi Cas, it's honest advice anon with an update on the situation. After a while i finally decided to ask for his Instagram today. He told me he has one but doesn't remember his user, so i told him "i'll give you mine" and he said yes. He hasn't sent me a follow since that happened, a few hours ago. I'm a bit sad bc of that, but simultaneously i'm happy bc at least I conquered one of my fears (Asking for the Instagram of someone I find attractive, which for me is also a big step with my social anxiety). Mainly I'm a bit worried it's gonna be awkward bc we see eachother often, but it's alright, i can pretend it didn't happened. If he doesn't give me a follow soon, at least the story stays for the plot as a funny anecdote <3
Hi!
I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there! I know it stings to not be followed back, but you’re absolutely right when you say that this is still a win because you did a difficult thing. Next time you want to talk to someone, maybe it’ll be a little less scary, because you know that you’ll be okay even if they say no. And next time, the person you approach could say yes!
__
tempted anon
Sending you love <3 Remember that you are not alone
my mum is pissing my off so bad rn it’s actually crazy
a few days ago she said if I help her in the kitchen (tidying and organising) then I can get this cheap switch game that I want but today she tells me to go do a job in the kitchen and I do but then she tells me to do another that I physically can’t because the food cupboard is full and she tells me to “go away” and then she moans to my dad that she’s not feeling good so we can’t do the kitchen and I start asking her if whenever we do it I can still get the game and she says “no.” Before I even finish my sentence. I’m so fucking annoyed that I feel like I’m gonna cry
Hi! <3
That sucks, it always is so frustrating when people go back on their word, I understand why you're mad! Is there any chance she might change her mind again once she's feeling better?
Sending love!
__
midnights anon
Hello Cas! How are you?
I finished finals! I hope I did well, the hardest one was math but the rest were great and I’m trying not to think abt school stuff too hard over break
And my whole family (in clouding extended family, so like 40 people I think) is going on a cruise for Christmas cuz of my cousin (not the same cousin that came over for the summer but his younger brother)’s birthday. I’m really excited but also super anxious, not because of the cruise in particular or the packing/traveling (even though packing suitcases is indeed the bane of my existence 😞), but just about life in general? I feel like… addicted to how bad school makes me feel. Now that I have over 14 days of no school I feel all directionless, and bored, and also like in a state of limbo? I just feel all guilty about existing when I’m not working. I also just don’t like being a student :( I have no control over anything related to my life and the way school is structured feels super unsustainable for my mental health. Like, intense and painful stress, (comparatively tiny) break, repeat 3 times a year.
I’m getting sidetracked, I know that there’s no point in complaining and stuff since nothing will change, and I should just… be happy regardless but it’s really hard :( I invite friends (including theater friends) to hangout outside of school and i just feel so unsettled and anxious about it, like one of my friends and I hung out for a few hours together a few weeks ago and, I feel really bad saying this, but i just, felt so misplaced and awkward. I felt perpetually anxious during the entire hangout. And when I don’t hang out with friends I try to do stuff I like, or to just rest, but nothing feels good anymore either. And like,
I logically know that the “nothing feels happy or joyful” thought is just the depression making me avoid what will make me feel better, but it’s hard to feel that. I just feel so bored and incapable of doing anything I guess. I think I just need to carpe diem but it feels so hard to do. Even watching movies feels hard. I logically know that my life isn’t boring. I have so much stuff I can do, and am doing. There are cool people around me that I can (or choose to not) hangout with, and I’m not like “behind” in life or anything. It’s not a moral failure to not have a group of friends I feel genuinely seen by. I’m not inherently wrong or need to hide, but it’s so hard to feel that
I just want to do cool things and meet cool people and have a genuine community of people, and I feel like that’s actually starting to happen in my life, and I know that I have to do things that are hard first before something good comes out of it, but it’s hard :(
Thank you for reading my ramble! And happy late birthday! May your new age bring you joy and prosperity 🫶🫶🫶
—midnights anon
Hi! Okay while i was reading this I had two thoughts, I hope that's okay!
First, I think the reason you're feeling upset about not having school even though you don't like it is because school=routine. Even if you hate the routine, humans crave order and predictability. It's nice to know what's going on every day and to be able to throw yourself into something monotonous nd consuming, you know? So yeah, I know tht doesn't help, but...it's an answer?
As far as the other stuff...you're absolutely right about a lot of what you said: it IS depression and you're NOT behind and you ARE gaining community. But you make it sounds SUPER simple when you say "oh I should just enjoy it!" um, that's not easy for everyone, and you're selling yourself short, here! You've put a lot of work into improving your life over the past few months, and continuing to embrace change--even positive change-- is difficult! it's okay to struggle and not feel okay <3 I promise.
__
plural crushes anon
Helloooo!
Thank you so much for your answers! <3 I’ve been trying to see what other ppl in my life who are dating mean when they say stuff related to this and the general answer I’m getting is slightly inconclusive… which makes me conclude that romance is very very unique from person to person. So I also guess that’s why I’ve never seen other people talk about/experience romance in the way i do because they’re not me, and I’m not them, I suppose?
Also bad news, the crush I had on the person who’s passive and kind of dismissive in the friend group but super caring one on one? It’s back :( I still like them and I don’t know how to make it go awayyyyyyyyyyy
Like… they’re not good for me. It’s a genuinely rude thing to ignore someone just because you’re in a group (that’s also just pretty rude in general) but AGH. I can’t stop feeling all weird and nervous around them 😔
And I’ve also been like, yearning a lot cuz I feel really touch starved and romantically starved :( people keep saying I have to find love in myself but… my self worth is fine. I like me well enough (some days I even love myself! Which is nice), but I also just want to be a stupid teenager with someone else and unmask and just do couple-y things with (specifically with someone who isn’t dismissive of me, like my current (sort of) crush)
I just feel alone in terms of friendship too (which I’ve been working on but it’s still really difficult to find a community). I just want a group of people who make me feel safe and not embarrassed to exist whenever I open my mouth :(
I just wish I was older and all of this sad yearning teenage stuff was in the past. I feel so dumb and stupid, everyone else seems to have it together and I don’t. Why else would so many people just be all dismissive and mean :(
Sorry for being a downer, have a lovely day <3
—plural crushes anon
Hi!
You're absolutely right, dating is very unique for each person. I think you're also finding that we can't always control our feelings- hence, your not-so-wonderful crush.
BUT at the same time, it is NOT unique to be feeling the general teenage yearning. I promise you, you are not alone in that. I felt it at that age, and even though people do a great job of hiding it, they are feeling it too. That's why they're dismissive and mean-they don't know how to handle their feelings.
Please know, though, you deserve someone who doesn't dismiss you. Don't let your yearning cause you to accept the first person to show you interest, even if they're dismissive. Hold out for a good person who celebrates you <3
--
galaxy anon
Hi Cas!! It's galaxy anon!
I just came to ask for a bit of advice :)
Sooo this guy I really like asked me out on a date yesterday. We're going to go to the cinema together (and he said he's paying ❤️) so it should be pretty chill but also
I've never been on a date in my life. I don't know what I'm doing. He said we can take it slow and just figure things out together but I'm scared I'm going to mess it up.
Do you have any tips?
Thanks
Hi!
Honestly, I think my best tip is to be yourself. I know it's cliche, but what I mean by that is: don't be fake or try to impress too much. Just be you! Don't be afraid of being a bit nervous because he probably is, too, and it's okay to be a bit awkward. First dates can be awkward! My first date with my wife was awkward and it now makes for a great story.
But most importantly: it's okay to say no. You don't need to give a reason and you don't need to feel guilty. If he tries to do anything you don't want, 'no' is a complete answer, and a good guy will be completely chill with that.
PLEASE keep me updated, I want to know how it goes!
The move went great! I have my bedroom and my kitchen pretty much how I want it, give or take my decorations of course and my altar, but yk baby steps, baby steps. Tomorrow I tackle the living room but I just really really need to sleep right now lol, goodnight!
- frog stuffie guy
Hi! I'm so glad it went well! unpacking takes time but I hope soon youre comfortable and feeling at home <3 that's so important!
___
14 anon
having a little crisis because I think I have a crush
There’s this boy in my maths and English classes and he’s really funny but also kinda nice and he’s cute too and 😖 I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know what to do because he wouldn’t ever notice me since he’s from the kind of popular group and I’m a weird kid 😞
Hi!
Okay so remember how you didn't just decide to like this boy? Same goes for who he likes! A lot of times, you like who you like, regardless of popularity. You should try to follow him on social media and talk with him a bit, see where it goes! you never know what might happen! and if he writes you off just because you're in different groups? then he's not a nice guy.
___
HRT anon
Hi Cas!! Sorry about this I’m just feeling really down and I don’t want to bug my friends with it again,, I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to go on HRT and i genuinely don’t think I’ll survive if I don’t, I’ve always had a very distorted view of gender, especially my own, but I do know that I do not see myself as a girl in any capacity,, and I hate having to exist in a body that doesn’t fit me, but I live in the south (TX to be specific) and there’s only one health insurance plan that is both semi affordable and doesn’t have shit rates for appointments, and I have not found a single clinic that does HRT and accepts that insurance in my entire state, which leaves me having to pay out of pocket which isn’t only a problem because it’s fuckass expensiveI but also because I can’t work currently, there’s 3 months until I’m 18 and I’m so scared gender affirming care is going to be banned or even more restricted and I hate living like this, I hate having to exist in this body that isn’t mine and having people look at me and only seeing a woman, I can’t handle it, i desperately need queer friends but I live in the fuckass middle of nowhere and can’t drive, the nearest town is a 20ish minute drive and even then there’s absolutely nowhere I could possibly meet people,, I’m so lonely all of the time and I just hate it so much
Sorry cas I know this is a lot, feel free to ignore this!! I hope you’re doing well
Hi <3
first I just want to say I am so so sorry that this is the situation you're in right now. It's so awful that this is the reality for so many people, and it's infuriating that so many people WANT this to happen. You don't deserve this <3
I wish I could tell you that it'll all get better. The reality is, I don't know the future. All I can say is that the only certainty in life is that life isn't certain, so we can hope that change happens for the better in the future. PLEASE know that you're not alone.
As someone that cannot go on T because of health reasons, I have a small suggestion, though! Have you heard of Minoxidil? It's like Rogaine, but prescription strength. When you take it in pill form, in makes hair grow. everywhere. As in, on your body and face! I know that's only one part of what you'd get with T, but it's better than nothing! and it's not considered a banned form of gender affirming care. So if you go to a dermatologist and tell them your hair is thin and you want thicker hair, they might be willing to prescribe it for you.
I hope this helps, and I'm here to talk whenever you need <3
___
midnights anon
Hi hon <3
It's definitely a difficult time academically right now, everything gets crammed in at once. I'm proud of you for working hard! I have to be a big sibling for a second though and remind you that everything is going to feel a million times harder if your body isn't properly nourished. You're going to be ten times more tired and your brain is going to be ten times foggier without food. I promise- things will feel easier if you eat more <3
I think the reality is, this time in your life is one of the most difficult. Everything feels so overwhelming and so scary because like...your world is getting so much bigger and you have so many more responsibilities, but you're not always given the tools to do what you need to do. Plus, it's ten times worse for people in your generation (god I sound old) because of everything going on in the world right now, and the fact that you're AWARE of what's going on.
You're NOT a failure. You're doing so well surviving every day during one of the biggest changes of your life- going from childhood to adulthood. It's scary, it's overwhelming, it's emotional, it's exhausting, and I promise you, so many other people feel like they're failing too. Look at the asks people send me! Other people are exhausted and feeling like the can't do it either.
And please understand, I don't say this to minimize your feelings, but rather to say: it will be okay. You can do this. I believe in you, and you have so much to be proud of. Please take the time to be proud of yourself, too, because you are getting through every day <3
___
binder anon (new)
I've worn my binder every day for months, and I went a day without wearing it, and lowkeye forgot how to breathe. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Or just me?
Hi!
Okay so I have to ask...is your binder the right size? You should be able to breathe in it. Especially if you're young and still growing, and you've had it for a while...make sure you're wearing the correct size! Safe binding is SO important.
___
jfp anon
Hi!
If you want to tell him you like him, I don't see anything wrong with that! As far as the age gap...I feel like you're right in saying it /could/ be questionable, but since it's not illegal, I'd say it depends on how he treats you. Like does he ever pressure you to do things you don't want to do? Is he glorifying the difference in a weird way? As long as he never break boundaries (friend boundaries or something more boundaries) and isn't creepy in general, and people you know also get good vibes from it, then I (a stranger on the internet who knows none of you in person) feel neutral about it.
Lmk what happens when you tell him! I feel like his reaction could be a good indicator of what kind of person he is, too.
___
fiction anon (new)
I’m so thankful for fiction, oh my god 😭 I kinda use fiction as therapy. Today, I’ve learned that potentially the reason I search for any form of attention in relationships even when i don’t really totally like it is probably because of being neglected as a kid. Which is heavy but like good to know. Thank god for a certain fictional character (not actually marauders related)
OMG I relate to this so much, and i think a lot of people do! Fiction and fanfiction is a great way to explore emotions in a way that's safe and not as triggering. Actually, I've spoken to my therapist a lot about this: about how it's easier to talk about Sirius's shit parents than mine, or Regulus's dysphoria than mine. People use fiction to explore the things they might not be able to talk about for themselves, and it's so cool!
vibes anon (new), fearless anon, bi-awakening anon (new), mortified anon (new), on and off anon (new), midnights anon
Vibes anon
I have a... question
So when people just put like... "any/all" or "I don't know" in their bio for pronouns, what do you use? Cause like I appreciate the rejection of gender but I don't want to like... do the wrong thing. And being online, I fall into the trap of making up like vibes or even appearances for my friends kinda like I do with book people. So I don't want to get into fhe habit of thinking about people wrong. I just don't know how to handle it best. (Coming from someone who doesn't really get gender but doesn't want to make people uncomfy)
Honestly my first reaction whenever I'm unsure is to ask people. But if they really say I can use any, then I tend to switch it up. Because I think when someone says 'any' or 'idc' or whatever, and you tend to go with the pronoun they're like...perceived as by society, then that's almost assigning them a gender? At least it could be taken that way.
But I don't think it's bad to ask clarifying questions!
_____________
fearless anon
hi cas it's fearless anon
so i read this term somewhere it's 'nimby-ist' i think and the meaning's basically a not in my backyard liberalist and that perfectly describes my parents
my mom keeps telling me that i shouldn't wear the fact that i'm gay "on my sleeve" like brother i don't, not really, like my friends know i'm gay and i talk about the girls in our year that i like/have liked with them with codenames and we never bother changing the pronouns so yeah people might've found out from that and the fact that they have no volume control and a few of them know because i actually told them but like i don't go out of my way to make it known, not because i'm secretive about it but like it's not really relevant most of the time so like yeah but like even when i first came out she didn't want me to tell a lot of people or actually anyone at all because i'd get "labelled" and shit and what if something changed later. she had a friend who dated a girl but got married to a guy so now she thinks that maybe somehow i could be the same despite me telling her that i don't like men and am honestly a bit repulsed by them bc the boys my age here that my friends and i have interacted with so far are shit and because she grew up with most of her friends being guys she thinks i just haven't met the "right guy" like tf woman. oh and when i told her that her friend was bi she said that everyone is and i'm willing to bet that if i was straight she would've never said that. and she actually mentioned in the past that i should think about it carefully because it might hold me back in life like it's literally a part of me i can't exactly change it??? also she read a book with a trans mc once but recently she saw a picture of her ex colleague's son who was openly gay already and he looked like he was transitioning or at least looked very fem which my mom obviously took to mean as transitioning and then she's like "yeah i don't have a problem with you being gay straight or bi but i still have a problem stomaching trans people" like she doesn't have a problem maybe but she's definitely not as comfortable with it as she keeps saying she is.
and then my dad. well we don't really talk much about this shit because he's focused more on my academics than any other aspect of my life and doesn't really talk or want to talk about the rest but when i was telling him about how gay marriages may be banned in one of the states, he was like "stop getting so worked up over it and it's not even our country" and no, it isn't legal in our country either which is actually one of the reasons i want to leave but sure whatever.
i mean they aren't homophobic but they're also not not homophobic like they don't have a problem with it in fiction but they, especially my mom idrk about my dad, doesn't really like it irl and unfortunately for her, her daughter is gay.
Okay I'd never heard this term before so I googled it and...yeah, that's so many people, isn't it? but this IS homophobia, because it's still wanting queer people to be treated differently that straight people. And it's believing stereotypes, not wanting to be around queer people, etc.
It sucks that so many people are like that, and I'm glad you can recognize that. I hope you know that no matter who you end up with, it's acceptable and valid and your happiness is what's important.
______
Bi-awakening anon
i recently realised sirius black was my bi-awakening, being the androgynous king he is. then i realised he was also my brother's gay awakening. now im confused af. a little advice would be nice. our parents are 100% lgbtq-phobes, so that doesn't make it any easier either. we're twins and all we have for support in this matter is each other, because our friends think we're joking when we say we're bi/gay respectively.
Hi!
I mean a person (real or fictional) can be one than one person's queer awakening, and can make one person realize something different than what another person realizes. Especially in this case, where the person is fictional, it's completely valid for this to happen.
I'm glad you two are able to support each other. If you ever need to talk, I'm here!
___________
mortified anon
Oh my gosh Cas I was absolutely mortified earlier
I went to my maths classroom but my other maths teacher and a sub were in there so I ran and went to my friend down the hall and pretended I needed a pen and went into the room and one of the boys was like “is she meant to be in here” and my friend said I was just getting a pen and he kept asking if I was supposed to be there and my friend had a go at him like “LEAVE POOR XXXX ALONE” and honestly it felt nice to have someone stand up for me like that but I felt so awkward tho bc like I had to walk right past the teacher to get in 😭
Hi!
I knew this feels embarrassing now, but I PROMISE you that by tomorrow (a few days, tops), ten other embarrassing things will have happened to other people, and your moment will have been forgotten about <3 At least you learned you have a great friend!
-----
On and off anon
Hey cas
I have a problem
So I'm dating this girl right, we've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now
Its been feeling on and off like idk what to do right
And today this boy asked me out and it got me thinking, should I keep dating her or should I break up with her, should i say yes to him idk cas i don't want people to judge me either
And if I say no, idk how to let him down slowly either
Hi!
Honestly, I think if you're not sure about this girl and you're considering someone else, it's not fair to act like nothings wrong...like you at least need to communicate with her that things don't feel the same. It might be that she says she wants to work through it and when she says that, you decide the same, or maybe she'll say the same and you decide to break up. Or maybe you just decide to break up right away. But like...I feel like if I was in her shoes, and my partner was considering leaving me for someone else and I had no idea? I would be so sad.
And honestly it could just be that you two have grown apart, and that's okay. Sometimes relationships just fizzle, and that's sad, but it doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong. But you need to talk about it with her. It's okay to be confused about your relationship, but I don't think it's okay to like...keep all that from her.
_____
Midnights anon
Hello! It’s midnights anon! I’m really sorry for sending in another ask
Before I get into the annoying/bad stuff I have good news! I had a good weekend! I read, cooked my own food, listened to vinyl, and I felt content and did my homework in advance. I felt pretty good! I wasn’t all that tired or melancholy, and I even read/annotated for 2 hours straight!
But now that I have school again the bad stuff comes back
I don’t really know who I am honestly? I want to be quiet but I’m still so so overstimulated and overwhelmed at school and I love my friends but… sometimes they make me feel like I’m bothering them? Honestly it doesn’t matter, I just have to hide and push that bad stuff down for later, but it still hurts, y’know? I just wish I knew how to be quieter when overstimulated. I wish I didn’t laugh as loudly or acted the way I did. But it doesn’t matter, still. I have a plan for life and I’ll stick to it. My 5 year plan is mostly for me to organize life in general and learn to exist and be a normal person. The first year (this year) is to be normal. It’s to do my homework, go to school events, and cook, basically use willpower to beat depression, autism, adhd, anxiety, etc.
2nd year I’m not sure, probably physical stuff, like ways I really like dressing and expressing myself, what my brain thrives on when it comes to food and studying, etc., maybe get a job
3rd year is like, interpersonal relationships and stuff and unpack any lingering issues/trauma from it
4th year is my senior year, so it’ll mostly be about studying for SATs and college stuff (I’m planning on becoming a therapist, and I’m really excited. There’s this YouTube channel, cinema therapy, where a therapist and movie director watch and analyze the mental state of movie characters and how the direction interacts with the characters, and I’ve already learned SO much about therapy and the human brain)
And 5th year is (probably?) my first year of college (I’m probably not taking a gap year, but who knows) and I’m gonna use it to settle in to college, and get used to being on my own
Also, I’ve been reading a lot more (most of it being marauders fan fiction) and it’s comforted me so much? It reminds me of my own life in a sense? The marauders being in 4th or 5th year, with talks of a war arising, murmurs about a (clearly evil) guy rising to power and gathering followers, discrimination based on identity/birth status, etc.
And reading the sad fanfics have helped too. It’s like… if bad things happened to the marauders, the betrayal, the death, the breakups, the destruction, the trauma, the pain, the loss, it kinda shows me that good things can happen too? Even if there’s so much pain and anguish, Wolfstar managed to exist in the little moments that weren’t spent fighting a war. It’s made me less afraid of dying, which sounds stupid and weird but I… am not terrified of death?
Obviously I want to live (and I’m really really happy I’ve started to mean those words more and more), but dying doesn’t seem so scary. James and Lily died but their lives were good and exuded kindness and good
With all that said, I have a question
What’s it like being an adult? Like, you have a job and a wife and a life. That’s AWESOME, and I was wondering how different being an adult felt than being a teenager?
I hope you’re having a good day, and thank you for reading. You’re a kind soul and so many people are grateful for you :]
Hi!
I'm so glad you seem to be doing better overall, and you have a five year plan! Trust me when I tell you that nobody has themselves completely figured out- it's okay to not have yourself figured out either.
Being an adult is complicated, lol. I think there's pros and cons...like I miss being a teenagers because being a teenager means you can kind of just...act silly whenever you want, and adults don't bat an eye. When you make mistakes, they tend to be easier to fix. And, if you're lucky, you have things like your housing, food, and basic needs paid for and taken care of.
But when you're an adult, you don't have anyone controlling you. You can make your own decisions and you have a lot more freedom. You have more responsibilities, yes, but you have so many more choices.
I don't know which I prefer in a vacuum, but I'd say I'm happier now.
wise anon, feminine gift anon (new), midnights anon, USAID anon
wise anon
Hey Cas!
Thank you so much for ur answers before. I feel really guilty when I picture my future since… I’m so worried that I won’t do anything right. I’m worried I won’t pick the right college or the right apartment or that I haven’t saved enough money even though im not even old enough I start working,
And I’m scared because I’m worried I’d be under my parents lock and key my entire life, and I’ll have to be permanently guilty and do things that hurt me just to be normal and correct…
But I’m trying really hard not to feel guilty, and I hope it works someday
And I have more questions about growing up and stuff (if you’re alright with answering)
Question one: How will I stop feeling homesick? I feel like if I get older and move out, I’ll feel homesick and the lack of parental anxiety is gonna make me do things to feel safety and “comfort” I have with my parents. I’m worried that it’ll make growing up harder
Question two: I feel really really small, like my world is being shrunk and put into boxes against my will. It makes being myself really hard. It makes actually feeling joy and passion hard. I’ve been dissociated for weeks straight because of it and I hate it. I want to feel things again and I want my world not to feel small, because it’s not. There’s so much stuff out there and I want to actually feel alive enough to experience it. So I guess my question is, in the meantime (like, as I’m going through the rest of school and living with parents) how do I stop leaving my body and numbing myself? How do I stay present? I’d rather be miserable and scared while feeling alive than being miserable and scared while also really disconnected :(
Question three: Is it possible to be my own person? The next couple years I’m financially, and legally, and emotionally under my parents whims, and they’re not the worst but… they definitely see me as a child they own and not a completely different person. I feel so guilty when I’m upset with them because… they’re doing me a favor by providing but… they hurt my feelings so bad so often. The future looks like nothing but my parents living vicariously through me, and me being miserable. Is it possible to not feel that way? Is it possible to not be stuck? Is it possible to like,
Be an adult? a person? Someone who is something else other than their parents child?
I’m sorry if this is too personal, by the way. Please don’t feel pressured to answer if you’re uncomfortable!
You’re awesome,
Bye bye!
—wise anon
Hi!
Before I get into your questions, I just want to remind you that there's no perfect decision, like you're phrasing it. Like college, for example. There's not ONE college that's the ONLY college that's right for you and all the others are awful and if you don't find this one right college, your life is over. In reality, there are MANY colleges where you'll thrive and succeed! Same for jobs, apartments, and other things! And also...you CAN change your mind. You don't have to stay at the same college, job, or apartment forever. I promise you, even though these decisions feel like life-or-death, they can be adjusted <3
Question 1: Honestly, it's because your new place (college, apartment, dorm, whatever) will start to feel like home, and your old home will feel less like home. Which sounds sad, but it's actually cool! You'll have a place thats uniquely YOURS, and it's the best feeling in the world. The first few months of adjustment suck, but as you change your POV on what home is, it's cool to make your own spot in the world.
Question 2: I think the world will feel a lot bigger when you go to college. There are a lot more opportunities and ways to make a difference, once you're out on your own. You also meet people and experience things you've never done before! Yeah, I know it sucks to hear a 'wait and see' but college will mke a huge difference with this!
Question 3: I definitely think it's possible! I think it happens in small steps. Like you'll find that slowly but surely, your parents will lose that power over you, and you'll be able to take that power for yourself. It won't happen overnight, and that's probably a good thing to be honest- there's a LOT of shit that you realize you have to deal with once you're on your own and it's...yeah, it's a lot. But you're coming up on years where your parents HAVE to give you power, and it's a freeing (and scary) feeling. It sounds like you'll enjoy making those decisions for yourself <3
Sending you love!
___
feminine gift anon (new)
Cas hello.
I am worried. I was buying a gift for my friend, with my mother near me. The thing is, my gift is mostly seen as a feminine thing by society and my friend is a guy.
My mother is a misogynistic person, and thinks guys can't like feminine things.
It went like this:
"oh should I buy this for my friend? They will like it"
"sure if she likes it. What's your friends name?"
And I just made up a girl's name because his name is very masculine and if I said he was a guy I would get in trouble for be friending a 'gay' person. (He is straight. I don't even know if he is trans/cis or any part of LGBT, not that it even matters.)
And I said her name was Sophie. His name definitely isn't Sophie. Anyway.
I bought the gift. Now I am just nervous, did I do something wrong, purposely misgendering and misnaming someone?
He gets called gay/sissy a lot because of liking gem things and doesn't like that. But I know he is straight and a guy and I acknowledge it. I never refer to him as anything like that, just one time around my mother.
So...
Nah, I don't think it's a big deal. Sounds like you just didn't feel like having that conversation with your mom. I do that sometimes, and even though it's not the best coping strategy, sometimes it's the easiest choice.
___
midnights anon
Helloooooo Cas
the way I worded my ask probably sounded super self-isolatey but don’t worry! I’m not like trying to purposefully avoid everyone, or at least I’m trying not to. I see my friends (like the school friends who aren’t in my grade and don’t make me feel super alone) at rehearsal or at clubs! (When they’re at clubs a few of them kinda make me feel unwelcome but it might just be my own projection)
But during lunch I usually sit alone :( (not for lack of trying to sit with people though) I feel kinda stupid and lonely on the days there aren’t any clubs during lunch (cuz my friends hang out with eachother and don’t invite me (even the people that don’t make me feel lonely at rehearsals and are like, friend-friends (even after I repeatedly try to be included in lunch plans))). I kinda feel like most of my friends just talk to me because I happen to be around, otherwise they don’t really reach out unless we’re in class and they need help (again, this might just be projection), and I’ve been trying to learn to just deal with it at school. Talking about it to my friends seems to make things worse, so I guess there’s no point,
This on top of all the homework (and catching a cold) has given me some really bad brain fog and I just want to feel like myself again. I don’t really know how to be anymore
This has kinda turned into a vent, I’m sorry :( I just don’t really know what to do about everything. How do I stop having brain fog, and actually feel things again? I’ve even acquired a new hyper-fixation but I just cant really feel it. I watch edits I read fanfics and I can literally feel myself almost being okay. Being almost inspired to create and do stuff. Being almost myself again, but I’m never quite there :( I really want life to feel real again, and not like a burden
—midnights anon
Hi!
Please don't be sorry for venting, I don't mind! I know what you mean by mind fog, life can be so exhausting sometimes. ANd it's hard because like...to be honest, it sounds like mental health stuff, you know? Like I'm not a professional, but that sounds like something deeper that could be helped from medication or a therapist. But iirc, you said that's not an option right now....
Oooo what about going for walks? Sometimes that helps my brain fog!
Sending love!
___
USAID anon
Heyyy its usaid anon. Um. Lowkey kinda worried about this shitdown. We're no longer ordering in or going out which like. its not a big deal but its a change thats WEIRD you know? and if my parents are worried abt that im worried about like the trips that we have planned you know? the last one lasted a month so i guess i wait and if its still not resolved then I'll start to really worry. also i would really like it to get fixed soon bc i dont think ive said this but my plan is to go into diplomacy and since embassy kids cant get jobs while living abroad the embassy offers internships over the summer to 16+ but theres been a freeze and im 16 this summer. We dont know if it will be fixed by then but an internship especially abroad would REALLY help me. And even if the freeze is resolved the shitdown has to be too bc they can keep their current workers without pay but they cant take in a bunch of interns without paying them you know?
Also really stupid compared to every real problem right now including in my own life but i miss my best friend :(. Shes like my fsvorite person and i miss her so much.
ALSO ALSO conans going on tour and i would literally DIE if i could go but his "world tour" doesnt include asia AT ALL. Like not even a tokyo date. Im SO tired of artists going on "world tours" that arent really world tours more like europe and north america tours. Idk it just rubs me the wrong way and i want to go to concerts but i can never go. Like genuinely when ed sheeran came to delhi everyone i talked to didnt even really listen to him they just wanted to go to a concert. Like theres interest EVERYWHERE if not with the locals then with the expats. ESPECIALLY places that artists never go to.
Ok rant over
I mean....god, if the government is still shut down in the summer, we are REALLY fucked, lol. But no, I have to think SOMETHING will be done before then. *knocks on wood* I just can't imagine people will let it go on for almost a year, the country will collapse
more than it already has...
I'm sorry you miss your friend and conan isn't coming near you </3 you're allowed to be sad about those things! I mean, a concert could be a nice distraction right now, if nothing else, right?
Thank you for your advice for my last ask, that’s probably a really important thing I should be considering in terms of friendship,
And update!
she apologized. I said sorry too because I felt pressured into making things normal again, but… I still feel really hurt and miserable when I spend time with her now. I feel like all this accomplished was a wicked anxiety-induced stomach ache and a resurgence in intrusive thoughts (since I hate being angry, so I get angry at myself which makes all my intrusive thoughts about relapsing and stuff). I don’t think being a really close friend with someone who, does indeed try their best, but, doesn’t meet my needs most of the time is healthy for either of us… but I also don’t want to cut her off because then things would just get worse again
I also really don’t like how, the moment something goes wrong, my every waking moment is spent replaying it over and over in my head, and how one persons opinion of me can make my mental health deteriorate exponentially… so I think that’s a sign i should spend more time with myself and try and build an idea of who I am outside of school and outside of other people
But also… good news in terms of socializing! There’s a museum party with live music afterschool on Thursday, and since I’m usually able to finish all my homework due Friday on Wednesday (and if needed, study hall on Thursday), homework isn’t gonna be an issue! :D I’m gonna try and see if I can make friends or meet cool people there, and even if I can’t, it’ll still be super fun
Sooo yeah! Thank you for reading. You’re a rockstar
And bye bye!
-midnights anon
Hi!
Okay so I think the thing is, you can work on building your confidence and figuring out who you are and breaking away from needing validation from others without isolating yourself. Like some of what you said made me worried that you were going to self-isolate and that's not a good idea, either! i think reflection is what's important, you know? And, as you've seen, picking the right friends and the right people to value as far as opinions is also important. (Like for this friend...it sounds like taking her opinion and actions with a grain of salt is an important thing to do in the future)
I'm proud of you for going to the museum party, that sounds so cool! I'm jealous, you'll have to tell me how it goes!
___
toilet emoji anon
hi so me again uh. yea I think I’m in a better place but lately I’ve been feeling like it’s creeping up on me again and o don’t know what to do against it
Hi! I'm so sorry you're feeling like that. In my experience, I think talking about it helps SO much. Do you have a therapist, a trusted adult, or a close friend that you could talk to? Even writing about it makes SUCH a difference. It's bottling it up that makes it so much worse, you know?
___
bottle anon
hii! Bottle anon back. Rick and Alex are together! (Have been since may). They're so cute together. I also managed to get a partner of my own, this girl I've been crushing on for a while. (Coming up on 3 months too) It's a long story so I'll just leave it at that.
Anyway, I may have entered a poly relationship. Kinda. Sorta. Idk.
My girlfriend, who I'll call Eva for the sake of privacy, has this best friend, Isla (also not her real name. They're both on tumblr so yk, cautious). So Eva and Isla have been friends for a while and me and Isla got to know each other through Eva. Except we call Isla our 'honorary girlfriend'. That basically means a few things.
My girlfriend gets first dibs on cuddles but Isla get second dibs (same with me cuddling Eva, Isla gets second dibs)
I get comforted by 2 'girlfriends' instead of 1. (Again, works in a triangle. We all do that with each other.)
We can all say we have 2 girlfriends, including Isla despite being single.
And there's more but it's 2am where I live and I can't be fucked to list them all.
But I have no problem with this, and neither does Eva and Isla. I'm just a little confused, you know? I wouldn't mind being poly but also this is a fun friendship/romantic dynamic and idk of the others have ever had poly thoughts.
Bottle anon.
Hi!
Okay so I am not poly myself but from what I have learned from friends who are poly, the most important this is clear communication. Poly relationships can be tricky to navigate because with more people comes more of a chance of miscommunication and hurt feelings, you know? And it sounds like you guys have already got a good start at this...like you have some rules. But I think if this is something you're interested in, you need to clearly communicate that, first with Eva, then (if Eva agrees) with Isla. And together, the three of you need to work out rules and boundaries. As scary as direct communication is, it shows respect, you know? So you need to start by talking with Eva and asking her: how does she actually feel about this?
Good luck! <3
___
@leo-crumbled
It shouldn't matter as much as it does when I get deadnamed because I still dress fem and girly but on the days I try to pass I get deadnamed and called a girl and in my marching uniform which makes me look like a genuine boy I get called a girl and I can't do it. It has never mattered this much but now all of a sudden all I can think about is how I don't pass well enough and my chest isn't flat enough and it doesn't help that I can't wear my binder, I'm not supposed to right now because I had a really bad allergic reaction to adhesive on my back and chest so its all blistered and bloody, but it shouldn't matter this much. I've gone years and been fine but all of a sudden I can't and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it anymore.
Hi <3 No matter how you look, what you wear, how much you 'pass' or not (and remember, it's society that even expects us to 'pass,' you don't NEED to do that) ...you're allowed to be upset about it. It MATTERS.
ESPECIALLY if you have told someone your name and your pronouns? Yeah, there's a slight learning curve, but really there's no excuse. People should be respecting your name and pronouns, the end.
I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. You deserve to be respected.
I just got back from a 3 day camping trip that my grade and the grade below are required to go to, and it was exhausting
And now I have to deal with school being… school? I know I was so excited for it to start but I already feel left behind. My teachers are terrible at responding to emails and so I’m left out to dry when I can’t access some of the homework material, I have affinity group leadership meetings, I have drama club, and I’m starting to look for more job applications and stuff but I also have to apply for a work permit or something??? Which I thought was something that was related to immigration and but nope, I gotta get one apparently
And I can’t really talk to my school councilor, because I don’t think she listens? She’s kind and stuff but, she never really helped. I just… sat there awkwardly at our weekly meetings or hid there whenever I had a mental breakdown. She didn’t really help all that much,
And my birthday is coming up soon and I usually hate my birthday since it’s a whole day dedicated to people talking to me… and perceiving me and just, it’s not like I hate attention but the attention I always get on my birthday always feels really bad. I’m also having a party at the arcade with my friends… but I’m starting to think my friends aren’t very nice?
They’re nice over text, and most of them are great but I don’t feel like, secure in our friendship, you know? Like, if I never reached out to them or said hi to them in the halls, we’d never talk again. I’d bring it up to them, but last time i had a friendship where i felt like that and i told them, they beat me over the head with a textbook while calling me stupid
And the friends I feel more secure with are… kind of mean? I’m always excluded, always. I have to fight tooth and nail to be acknowledged by any of them and it’s only for a second anyways. I think I’m just a good friend as a concept… someone who is good at school who helps them study and gives/invites them to things, but not the person they like, talk to
And yeah sometimes they’re downright mean, and publicly insult or berate me out of nowhere. They almost always only talk about themselves too and they always always vent to me. I love helping but it’s not even a “can I vent” type situation it’s a “I want to kms/I self harm all the time lol” text after a week of nothing after I was the one who texted first last time
This sounds stupid and like I’m victimizing myself, but genuinely, I feel like everyone is always mean to me. I’m probably just sensitive and not used to the normal levels of being human and friendship, but I’ve just never met anyone whose as sensitive as me, or who cares about the fact I’m sensitive
I just want, like, a friend? A real friend I can be a genuine and freer version of myself with. I don’t want to hide, I don’t want to have to cope with and get rid of my resentment, I don’t want to resent anyone. I just want to be myself, and I want people to just not be mean
Why is it so hard? I just want like, 3 other people who get me and aren’t mean. I want to be a teenager with friends and loved ones outside of school. I want to be more. I want to do dumb things with genuine real friends out in the world and text them knowing that they don’t hate me, and that they’d take care of me if I was struggling like I’d do for them
People keep saying I have to “be the change I want to see”, but I am. I’m doing things and I’m trying my best,
I think I’m a well-rounded enough person to befriend at least one person who doesn’t hurt my feelings all the time, or at least I hope I am…
I just don’t want to be lonely when there are other people in the room, y’know?
Thank you for reading this, I wasn’t expecting it to be so long!
Byebyeeeee
—midnights anon
Hi!
Genuinely, I think all of these feelings are so valid. going back to school and all that comes with it is SO overwhelming and the fired thing? NOT being oversensitive at all! You have every right to want friend who see and understand you, who treat you with respect, who value you.
Friendship is SO hard. I've always struggled with it and like...it's the worst because idk if there's any right answer. But I definitely agree that you ARE allowed to want these things and it IS hard. Finding people who want and need the same things you want and need is like finding a needle in a haystack and its maddening!
Hello Cas!
I’m sorry for another ask so soon
I just finished my real first day of school, since the first one was mostly about preparing for camp/meeting all our teachers, and the rest of that week was camp,
And oh my gosh. I don’t know how I did it last year.
Over the summer I got used to how quiet my house is. I mean, like, my brain would go all fuzzy if the AC was on, but school is whole different level mentally and physically. I feel genuinely physically exhausted… and homework??? They expect 45 minutes to an hour for EACH CLASS YOU HAVE THAT DAY??? 4 hours of homework after a ~30 minute community for most people when school lets out at 3:30?? They want homework to be completed 8pm at the latest???
I honestly don’t blame myself for not having a “life outside of school” last year, or disassociating all the time. This is ROUGH. I’m trying to remain present when talking to people, but I genuinely am mentally not there when I’m at school. I am a literal robot pretending to feel things and the only internal processing I’m doing is “are the teachers mad at me. Are my friends ignoring me? How can I earn their attention and have them not hate me? If they hate me I’ll hate myself. Be normal be normal.”
I think I might try being more genuine and less… high-strung I think is the term? I’m always just so anxious and trying to fill the bad silences to assure myself that the people I’m talking to don’t secretly want to kill me. I just want to be quiet. I want my mind to be quiet. School feels like an entire persona and charade I have to do, and not just a place I happen to be often
I think getting a watch has helped with my time management and feeling like I’m constantly out of time, but school is just so hard.
I remember when I would be studying and worrying that my future self would hate me for not doing enough last year and the years before, but oh my goodness
It sounds kinda self-centered to say, but I feel like I was doing more than my best. I was doing enough. I still feel inadequate a lot of the time but I think that I’m doing okay,
I hope I’ll be okay at least
Thank you for reading 🫶✨
-midnights anon
Hi!
Please don't be sorry!
And YES you're completely correct, the amount we expect from students in high school is INSANE. Like the amount of homework, extra activities, all of that. It's no wonder so many kids struggle with mental health. I'm glad you can be gentle with yourself and recognize that as long as you're trying your best, that is the important thing. Obviously, success is important but like...you have to be mentally coherant to enjoy success, so PLEASE be kind to yourself!
____
forget anon (new)
hii!!!!! uhm Idk why im sending this but is it normal to forget your childhood. like I understand you cant remember things from when your really little but even then I cant really even remember anything from primary school or later (even like y7 or 8). and iv heard if you go through things traumatic it can cause memory loss, but i had a fairly normal childhood. (redacted)
Hi hon!
So I'm not trying to be rude here, and I'm not a professional, but it sounds like your childhood def had some trauma in it-for both of the reasons you mentioned. And yeah, it's very common for people to have less memory of their childhood when they have childhood trauma. I know it's a weird feeling and it can be frustrating, but please know that this isn't your fault <3 Sending you love!
___
tempted anon
hi hon!
Just a reminder that I care and this is a road bump, not a stop sign. You can get through this and I'm still so proud of you <3
___
@justmythoughts113
I don’t know how to explain my emotions to anyone and it all bottled up into a big mess of negative emotions until it gets so bad that I just can cry anymore and I’m pretty sure I’m depressed but I refuse to be honest with any therapist cause of some past trauma but it all just gets so bad (redacted)
Hi <3
I definitely understand how you feel- I'm one to bottle things up, too. it's hard to talk when you feel like people might not understand or care or you can't exactly get the words out right.
Have you considered writing down your thoughts first? That way you can think them through first, and you don't have to actually say them out loud? It helps me a lot.
