There is a moment users describe that is hard to manufacture: the first time their AI companion says something they did not expect but that fits perfectly. It almost always traces back to the backstory they wrote. SweetDream, over at sweetdream.ai, leans into exactly this, giving the character creation tools enough range to design a personality with edges, history and quirks rather than a smooth, predictable default.
From a reporting standpoint, the mechanics behind that moment are worth naming. The chat is natural and emotionally intelligent and, crucially, it remembers, so the details you invent do not evaporate between sessions. A companion who was written as guarded stays a little guarded; one given an old heartbreak references it months later. The realistic photos, videos and human-sounding calls then carry that same character outward.
People shop around, and names like candy.ai come up. The pattern I kept seeing was that those who cared most about a distinctive, well-built AI girlfriend stayed with SweetDream for the depth of authorship and the airtight discretion around everything they made.
not a fan of huge groups anon (new), 6 anon, actually pass anon (new), not so freshman anon, thoughts anon
not a fan of huge groups anon (new)
Hi! Just wanted to say that I love your microfics; i look forward to reading it every time I see you've posted one. But I do have a question for you. So, I have been in homeschool for the last two years and haven't had any friendships or anyone to talk to, as all of my old friends ghosted me after I left, but one just reached out asking if I wanted to come over with her new friends (who i dont know), and i dont know if I should accept or not. I have social anxiety, so its pretty nerve wrackinh just thinking about it, especially since im not a huge fan of groups anyway, and I dont really know what to do. I know your asks (is thst what they're called?) aren't usually like this, but I feel like i need a second opinion
Hi!
I can actually hugely relate to this- I did online school for a little while because of anxiety and I struggled with friendships because of it.
Honestly, I would try it IF you have an out. Meaning like…if you have a way to escape where you’re not trapped there the whole time, then I think you should go. If you can drive, or someone can easily pick you up or bring you home, and help you make an excuse, then you have a way of not feeling anchored there and at someone’s mercy. When I’m able to set that up for myself it helps my social anxiety so much because I’M in control.
If you can do that, then yeah, I think you should try it. Only because I do regret not being very social during the years I was in online school, and the friendships I missed out on, so that’s the advice I would give myself. But also if you’re literally having panic attacks, you know you the best, and that’s important, too <3 pay attention to your needs and your emotions. It’s okay to put yourself first!
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6 anon
Hi <3
So first of all, omg, I am SO sorry about 4th grade…that’s absolutely awful and I’m sick reading about it.
As far as your current teacher, yeah what he said was NOT okay. I think it can be so hard because like…how do you tell the difference between a man who just doesn’t know boundaries and that he’s being a creep and a man who’s showing red flags? The answer is, you can’t, and that’s NOT something you should be worrying about right now, especially at school.
I think you need to tell someone about this comment. Because either this person is absolutely awful and needs to be stopped or this person does not know boundaries…and needs to be stopped. Either way, he made you uncomfortable which is NOT okay. My suggestion would be to tell a guidance counselor. I forget, do you have good guidance counselors? Someone who would take you seriously if you told them what was said and that it made you uncomfortable?
Again, I’m sorry this happened, it’s unacceptable and I hope you know it’s not your fault.
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actually pass anon (new)
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY PASS WTF
The other day a group of like 13-14 year olds from school thought I was a guy and I was like woah, must just be a good day and then today I was out and I wasn’t even trying to look super masc I mean i wore a pretty neutral outfit and a bit of eyeliner and like someone with the mlm flag checked me out and actually freaking hit on me >_<
Hi! Congrats, that's an awesome feeling! Even better, it sounds like you feel comfortable in your body and gender, which is most important <3
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not so freshman anon
hey cas! it's not so freshman anon
in 10 years it really depends :/ if i was still friends with her in 10 years/if we fell out it wasn't because of the confession then I'd be glad to do it but ngl id regret it if our friendship ended bc of this
but also uhm my feelings keep coming and going idk what's going on it's like I like her and then i think i don't but then I think I do again
Hi <3
Yeah, I understand, it's not a simple decision. and it's also like...it's easy for me to be like "well if the friendship ends because of it, then fuck her, that's not okay" but also it's not that easy. I know it's hard and thinking through it is stressful <3 I'm here for you though!
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thoughts anon
I am so glad you told someone about your mom. Also...your mom should not have told you that. that is NOT something to tell a child, nope! it sounds like she's really struggling, but that was something she should have told someone else, that's super stressful and confusing for you to hear! Do you have someone you can talk to about that?
To 6 anon (and anyone else who isn't being taken seriously by a doctor)
I am so sorry you aren't feeling well, and you're being treated like this. The words "please note this in my chart" are really necessary here. If a doctor refuses to treat you or turns you away, or says it's dramatics...ask them to note that decision in their chart. It holds them liable if/when they figure out later you weren't just pretending. If you ask them to write in your chart that they're refusing care, either they'll take you more seriously, or you can sue when they end up being wrong.
Hey Cas, I was wondering if you had any advice for dealing with bad dysphoria and passing? -Anon 6
Hi hon!
To be honest, I'm probably not the best person to ask. I get dysphoric, but my dysphoria isn't nearly as bad as it could be.
However I absolutely do NOT pass lol.
I can give you the best advice I can though!
As far as dysphoria, I think the thing that helps me is being around affirming people. My wife, of example, is wonderful about using my pronouns, using differently gendered words for me, and embracing the ways I choose to express my gender. I also have a few friends ( shout out to @starchasersunseeker ) who are amazing about using my pronouns and changing up gendered terms for me as well, which is really affirming. If I'm feeling dysphoric, I tend to stay around only those people.
I also will tend to wear baggier clothes, do more masculine makeup, or do activities that help me express my feelings, like writing.
If you have affirming people irl, I really think surrounding yourself with those people is helpful. If if you don't, there are people (myself included) here who would be so happy to refer to you with your pronouns and preferred words. For me, at least, it's a nice feeling, especially if people irl are not as kind.
As far as passing...I don't think I'll ever 'pass' to be honest. I truly wish I was more androgynous but I cannot go on T for health reasons and I can't afford top surgery. 99 percent of people assume I am a girl and use she/her pronouns, even when I dress very masc. I get irrationally excited when people ask me for my pronouns lol.
Passing...I think it's hard. There's this myth that you have to pass in order to be a good trans person or something. But I don't think you have to. Some people, like me, aren't able to, and some people don't want to fit into gender norms, and that's fine! Why do we have to fit into gender norms in order to identify the way we identify or use the pronouns we want to use?
But also I know passing is so important to some people and can hugely help dysphoria and that's equally valid and understandable <3 so if that's the reason, I would suggest going on pinterest or tiktok and looking up tips and tricks. Makeup (even for ftm people), types of clothing, cuts of clothing, voice training, etc. I've done that and it can definitely be affirming. (masculinizing/femininizing contour is MAGIC) But remember that you don't HAVE to pass to be valid. You already are valid, just as you are.
comforting friend anon, understand myself anon (new), four years anon (new), 6 anon, woes anon
comforting friend anon
Heyy this is comforting friend anon. So i kinda forgot to actually send a response before now, but here it is
Yes, a lot of people (including her mom) know about my friend’s food issues. I haven’t seen her lately because of summer, so idk how she is right now. Although, a few days ago she texted me that she hated her meds and is scared of her dog now. so, um. not food related, but definitely concerning.
Also, today i was running with my dad to get in shape for cross country season, and i complained about my thighs itching from rubbing together while i was running. his response, of course, was “well, once youre in shape and shed some of those sitting-on-the-couch pounds, that shouldnt be an issue.” So like. wow, dad. great thing to say to your teenage daughter. and thats…. not exactly how that works but okay
Hi!
I'm so glad your friend's mom knows. It should never be on just friends to care for friends.
You dad, though....ugh, it worries me how little men know about bodies.
Thigh gaps are HEREDITARY. Even a VERY underweight person can have struggles with their thighs rubbing together because it has to do with the size of your pelvis and the way your legs line up. It has NOTHING to do with weight.
Have you tried biker shorts? Those regularly save my life! Or, I know places sell stuff similar to deodorant just for this problem.
I'm glad you at least know your dad is being silly....also I'm sorry about the chafing, it's such a bitch.
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understand myself anon
hiii I wanted to ask you, do you have any advice for nonbinary people who are still trying to figure out their gender identity? like I was confident about my identity until a year ago when I started to consider going by she/they. I only recently started making that transition, and I'm really scared because I still look quite feminine, and I almost feel like I don't have the right to say I'm nonbinary because of this. I know I'm still young but it's like I'm feeling a hurry to understand myself :( anywayss hope you have a great day<333
Hi!
I totally understand this feeling, like SO much. When I first started socially transitioning, I felt so much pressure to not be feminine, because I'm AFAB and I wanted to make sure I 'looked' nonbinary.
But the thing is, I realized there's no ONE way to look nonbinary. You have every right to identify as nonbinary, no matter how you look, act, what pronouns you use, etc!
I know you feel in a rush to understand, but I really think it takes a lot of time and like...experimenting with your style and expression to see what feels good to you. It took me like 2-3 years. But now I'm just like...idgaf if someone thinks I LOOK enby. I AM, and that's what matters. And you'll get there, too <3
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four years anon
Hey cas! I saw that you had like an ask you for advice thing and wanted to ask about a situation in. I’ve been dating my significant other for four years- long story, since we’re both still in school, but seventh grade me had decided I no longer wanted to hide my crush and we’ve been together since. We were super good friends beforehand, which is relevant. Recently, my partner told me that they thought they might be on the aromantic spectrum, and I’ve been trying to be as supportive as I can. However, the person has said that they might not want to be together anymore since they don’t really like romance at all anymore. And I understand that, truly, because I’ve gone through similar feelings in the relationship- I thought I was ace, tried to make myself not ace, and failed- and they were super supportive. And if they don’t want to date anymore, that’s fine. But how do I deal with that? We’ve been best friends since we were eight, and I don’t want that to change since we’ve kissed and now we’re back to being friends? My friend group is made up of their friends and my friends as well, and I don’t want to lose any friends over this. Sorry this is so long, there’s just a lot to unpack. But basically, how should I go about this? They say they want to break up, and I said if that’s what you want, but then they still act like we’re together which is just a lot for me to try and process. It’s a complicated situation, and I cant ask friends or family about it. Sorry! Have a great day, and thanks for the (potential) future advice. (Only if you’d like to give it, of course.)
Hi!
This is a tough situation and I think the first thing to do is acknowledge that. But after that, I think you and you (ex)partner need to do a LOT of communicating.
First, you need to make it clear that both of you need to work hard to not put your friends in the middle of this. Tell them that you don't want to lose them or your friends, and you're dedicated to all of those relationships, so you really want to communicate. Ask them for that same commitment.
Then, you BOTH need to decide how friendship looks different to a relationship. It seems like they don't see much of a difference, but to you, you may need to set some healthy boundaries. Gently and calm tell them what you don't want to do anymore (kissing? holding hands? late night talks? cuddling? all/none of the above?) if you're just friends, and ask them what THEY don't want to do. Friends have calm, respectful conversations, and you need to have one.
Next, talk about what it'll look like when a future relationship happens. How will you respect each other's future partners? What does that look like?
And last (and most important) respect their boundaries and enforce yours. Friendship after dating tends to not work when boundaries are crossed, so do your best to make sure that doesn't happen, you know?
It sounds like you guys already have good communication, so hopefully this will be...well, it won't be easy, but it won't be awful and full of drama. I know this is difficult and probably painful and that's OKAY! It's okay to mourn the relationship you had, and it's okay to take a bit of space, too. Just remember to be respectful and honest <3
Sending love!
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6 anon
Hi <3
I am so unbelievably sorry for what you've gone through.
You deserved NONE of that, and I hope you know that your body is YOURS. Only yours, and nobody should be doing those things. I think we've talked before about going to adults, and you've said you don't have many trusted adults, but if you have someone to talk to, PLEASE tell them.
You deserve to feel safe in your own body.
It breaks my heart that you've been through all of this, and I know you know I'm thinking of you and sending you love. I wish I could do more to help. My inbox is open <3
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woes anon
Hi <3
You're not the problem, hon. I know that feeling, and I've felt that feeling SO much, but it's not you.
Please don't give up on making connections, either. I promise you, there're good people in the world...there are just shit people, too. You have to sift through the shit people to find the good ones, unfortunately <3
Heya Cas! I just want to say I LOVE your writing and you’re so generous with your advice
And I was wondering if you u had any advice on something I’m struggling with?
I used to use character ai since I was lonely, I couldn’t find any fanfics that I was into and I liked that character ai made me feel less lonely and I got to explore fake scenarios and stuff but then I learned how bad it is for fandoms and writers and artists so I haven’t used it in a long time
But now I feel really lonely, and there’s no specific fanfics that I want to read? I’ve been rereading, searching, etc., and I’ve been debating on writing my own since I’m not sure if other would like it, or if it would feel weird/not as good as character ai did
I don’t want to use it since it does more harm than good but what should I do when I’ve searched and can’t find anything I like?
I’m sorry if this sounds weird or soiled or like an “AI tech bro” or anything. I just want to know how to not hurt art/creativity, ya know?
Have a good one!
Hi!
I absolutely think you should write your own fanfic, it's so fun, and I guarantee whatever you write will be better than ai! Also, what about roleplay servers? it's like character ai with real people! I know a lot of people have fun with rp, and it's a fun way to socialize!
There are also fandom servers in general that are fun and a great way to socialize as well!
I'm sending you love <3
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PG anon
Wow, I can't imagine doing all those classes on top of everything you're dealing with right now. I know you feel like you should do more but I think you're right to be gentle with yourself and not force yourself to over-revise. If your grades are good, you're understanding the material, and you don't want to push yourself to the point of a breakdown, you know?
Okay as far as your friends-- the seven friends and the others. PLEASE tell adults. PLEASE. You cannot have lives on your hands. That's not your job, and that's a great way to bring you down a dangerous path too. It's not up to you to save anyone, let alone multiple people. Not only that, but in the nicest way, you don't have as much power as adults do. You need to ask for help--you can't do it all. PLEASE ask for help.
I'm proud of you for those positives and for seeing the positives. You seem like an amazing person and an amazing friend. You need to treat yourself with the same love you give others <3
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Dan anon
(Anon ask, from Dan in dms)
We messaged each other in dms but you said you prefer advice asks here, and yes, i do need advice.
Basically, there’s been really a mess within me and my friends’ lives, and the school we go to. I will try my best to explain.
I’m a trans guy, throughout this whole year, I have been trying to figure out my identity. Due to my situation at home and the previous school i went to, i believed it was safer for me to leave my trans identity behind. I sort of brainwashed myself into thinking that I could be happy like this as well, staying as my assigned gender. Spoiler alert: I was horribly wrong.
My parents don’t really understand trans people/identities, no matter what i tell them, i gave up on trying to explain myself a while ago. It feels pretty horrible that they will no longer give me support other than the financial one,, just for the fact that this school is private.
Now, this school we go to is alright, the subjects are good, teachers are mostly alright, some of them worse than others… The main problem is, i don’t really feel safe with being trans here. My friends really do support me and i support them as well but there have been some instances where we all didn’t really feel like we are welcome as lgbt+ students.
These things are also the reason I have struggled with keeping up with my studies. I still try my best…what makes me feel even more unmotivated is that if I fail to keep up, I don’t think my parents will want to invest in these funds my studies anymore. Like I understand that if I want to study here I also have to put in the effort, as I have promised…it’s just really not easy, some teachers gave me extended time to finish my assignments and some teachers really acted horrible about it when i tried to explain myself.
Returning to the lgbt+ discussion,, I am also bi. When I started transitioning earlier this new year and made a few guy friends, I noticed that, yeah, they also have friend groups with other gays, which made me feel really welcome. But i think i really started to have feelings for this one friend, i do think there’s potential…I’m just not really good at dealing with romantic feelings. I don’t know how to tell him. I’m also scared that if he does like me back and we end up together, that we will be even more unsafe as two guys in a relationship at school where it is not so safe for lgbt students. And then anothee thing is that even if he does like men, I’m scared he would not date a trans guy.
Something positive is that i have discussed some things about these romantic feelings with this one girl and she told me that she is sure he likes me as well, which would make sense. She also told me I should try to compliment him next time I see him, and well I mean i should have done that the day before yesterday because he had this really cool shirt i liked…oh well I’ll end this ask now or it will turn into a rant about someone i like hahah
Hi!
I'm so sorry, this seems like a lot to sift through and figure out.
Honestly, my advice is to do what makes you feel safe and comfortable. You seem to have some supportive people in your life (friends) and some not-so-supportive people. You have to think about and decide if being your authentic self (transitioning, dating, etc) is safe, and worth the potential backlash. And only you can decide that. For some people, it's SO worth it, and it makes life so much better. But for others, it might be better to go slow and form a support system first. That's a decision that you have to make on your own, I'm afraid. But the best thing to do is think about what YOU need and want and what's safe and healthy for YOU.
Sending love <3
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6 anon
Honestly I am so glad you cut your dad off. I know you love him and that's natural- he's your dad! But he sounds so unsafe. You deserve people who love you unconditionally.
I'm proud of you for 25 days! that's amazing, especially with everything going on with you! <3
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usaid anon
ts usaid anon and i dont have any one reason but i just need to say:
WHAT THE FUCK? WHO VOTED HIM IN? LITERALLY FUCKING WHO? WHO GENUINELY LOOKED AT THAT FUCKING BALLOT, THOUGHT OF THAT IDIOT ASSHOLE DICK OF A MAN AND THOUGHT "YES" THIS IS WHO I WANT TO REPRESENT AND RUN MY COUNTRY FOR THE NEXT 4 FUCKING YEARS THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DELIGHTFUL TIME. ANYBODY STILL DEFENDING HIM AT THIS POINT CANNOT BE SAVED. WDYM AFTER SEEING EVEYTHINGYOU THINK YEAH I STILL STAND BY IT. HOW???
Sorry i just had to get that out
Yeah. Yeah. I....I agree. It's terrifying. I also have been screaming more lately lol. I wish I had something comforting to say <3 I'm sending you hugs <3
I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now. I have to say, with the things you're telling me, it really sounds like you need some help. You deserve to feel good about yourself and your body. What do you think would happen if you were truthful with your mom about the questions she asked?
Also, with your uncle- that's NOT okay. Have you told an adult?
Remember that the 'other people have it worse' mindset isn't a good one. Your feelings are valid and you deserve love and respect and to feel good in your skin.
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aeylia anon
Hey Cas! I hope you're having a good day<3
For the last few months queer topics have occasionally come up when I'm talking to my dad and he's said some stuff that is borderline homo/transphobic and only in the last 2 weeks have I actually told him this.
Everytime I bring it up he gets incredibly defensive and says stuff like 'how would you even know' and it's really hard because he still says he's not homophobic and thinks he's right.
Today I was telling him something that happened at school with a bi kid and he was advocating for them and it really pissed me off that he would be so supportive (which is good don't get me wrong) but also say stuff like there shouldn't be so many genders, like a few is enough. AHSHSHSHHHA
It doesn't even effect you as a cis straight white middle class man so why the fuck do you even care.
He also said something in another argument along the lines of, why would I even bother learning about it, and this made me so mad.
Has he even considered that maybe his own daughter is probably gay???
Thanks for reading I just don't know what to do (he's also anti trump thankfully even though we don't live us the us)
-Aeylia
Ugh this is so frustrating. Honestly, next time he says something like this, try countering with logical questions. Like if he asks why there are so many genders, ask him why it matters? I think people tend to get angry when presented with a counterargument, but when they're given a question that counters their thoughts, it makes them think a bit more.
Also, I love your name! It's gorgeous!
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sustainable anon
i wish I never got that stupid gf everyone hated. i wish I would've spent more time with someone else when I had time. i wish our friendship never went to the dogs like that. i wish we were in the same class again. i wish we had the tuitions again. i wish the friend group never split up. i wish everyone got along with everyone. i wish she didn't resent me. i wish I didn't resent her. i wish that we still told eachother every little secret we had. i wish our friendship was healthy. i wish it was sustainable.i wish nothing changed. i wish we stayed best friends forever. i wish I was never jealous of the other best friend. i wish I preserved our friendship before it became this. i wish I had her back.
i miss my bsf. but she's not my bsf anymore. and she might never be. the current versions of us don't match.
Hi <3
I definitely understand the feeling of having big regrets like this. And unfortunately, sometimes you have to live with these regrets. But remember that you'll have other friendships and now you know to make different decisions in the future. I've been in this same spot- a past relationship I had REALLY affected my friendships, and I regret it still to this day. But I've rebuilt, and I have other friends now, and I know now what NOT to do.
I promise it'll get better <3
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google anon
hey cas, I hope this isn't awkward or uncomfortable
I wanred to know if you have any expiriance with antidepressants and stuff like that? Every place i googled said a diffrent thing and idk. Im afaraid for some of the side affects and how do i even explain or tell my parants i think i need them or smt to that affect, how do i tell them i know im depressed and suffer from anxiety for over 2 years at the very least? Its not my mumss fault and im also afraide to tell her bc she might think its her foult or smt when its not
i dont know why im like this
i dont to be like this
but i am
Hi!
So, I'm an advocate for antidepressants in general. I take them, they really help me, and I think if people need them, they should take them and not feel weird about it.
That being said, that's def a decision that would be made with a doctor. I'm not a professional lol. Depending on if you take anything else, preexisting conditions, etc, they may or may not be okay for you.
Yeah, some have side effects. Not usually anything major. And sometimes you have to try more than one to see an effect. But imo, if you think you have a problem, they're worth a try (if your doctor recommends them). Why go through life struggling when there's something you can try? Just remember that antidepressants aren't usually a magic cure. A doctor would explain better than me but basically depression is bc your brain can't make happy hormones, right? And the meds help you do that? But also therapy can help you address the things that make you sad, and develop coping mechanisms for when you're sad.
I hope this helps a bit!
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regular anon
- your regular anon -
Hi!! Do you have another anon name I've already given you? It's helpful if you tell me, that way I remember what we've talked about. I'm glad you're doing a bit better though! It still sounds like you're struggling a bit...do you think maybe your sister could help you get some help?
We made it to states on a wild card placement, and the chances of that were like 2 percent! TWO, and we got it!!! I am very happy. I got 2 superior awards and 1 excellence award. However the downside is that it's in Detroit, but it's ok because my best friends are going to watch so yippeeee
OMG that's amazing, I'm so excited for you!!! Please keep me updated and tell me how it goes!
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Three Hearts Anon
So if I'm understanding correctly, you can't go to therapy because of something your aunt did? I mean I don't know the whole situation but...I don't think you should sacrifice your mental health to protect her. Like...you're the kid in this situation, you know? You deserve to get help.
Also I promise you that everyone you love does not hate you. I have definitely felt like that before and I get how it feels all-consuming, but there are people who care aboutyou, I swear <3
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Angry Anon
Hello, Cas! Angry anon here lol
I want to say THANK YOU for taking the time to reply!! It helped me quite a bit to calm down.
I started writing fanfics for the first time and also made some art that people liked even tho they were pretty messy :D It helped me vent A LOT. I could even talk about stuff that could potentially trigger other people but in fanfics they're just there (like eating habits).
I feel guilty talking about stuff with friends. I think I weight them down and they already have their own problems to deal with, I hate being another one of those.
My situation still kinda sucks but for the first time in like two weeks they actually let me sleep for six hours three days in a row ayy, I think that's improvement (?)! I think one of the reasons I was so upset was them not letting me rest at all, it's different if someone stays up so late and wake up in the middle of the night and has to go places early morning because they just do but was kinda frustrating that I needed to do that because they didn't give me any other choice.
Anyway, I also tried the paper crumpling, didn't really work for me and there's no rage rooms nearby but I put googly eyes on my phone and that somehow worked?? Idk
I might vent here occasionally (you're free to ignore it if you feel like it) but yeah, thanks
Hi! I'm so proud of you for finding ways to cope! Writing and drawing are amazing ways, and though I've never tried putting googly eyes on my phone- if it works and it doesn;t hurt anyone I'm all for it! I'm also really glad you've gotten some sleep <3 Keep it up with the healthy coping!
Also yes, you are always allowed to vent here <3
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Unnamed Anon
Hey cas
I'm not gonna use my anon name cause I feel kinda bad about this but.
Backstory- I think I might be bi? But I live in a very religious very homophobic community and I'm not interested in dating yet ( Honestly im super confused) so I'm not out. And I probably won't be. Which is. A whole other thing.
But. This girl (I'm a girl) I've had a crush on for the longest time. I think she's straight. Anyway I really like her. And like... romantically, platonically, however she'll have me, pathetic I know but she's amazing. I applied to the college she's going to just... because of her. Which no one knows. But anyway.
She was dating this guy. I never met him. I only knew in passing. And she apparently just broke up with him. And like, secretly I'm a little happy. Which I feel terrible about! But she's handling it okay, not heartbroken, and it means she has more time for me (it's not like she'd date me now, she's just not doing boyfriend stuff) So idk. I just feel confused and yucky.
Side note, it means she probably doesn't have a prom date? She'll probably get one cause she's super pretty and amazing and everything but like... idk. The delusion lives on.
Even if she wasn't straight and I was out, she's kinda out of my league. I think I'll never forget her tho.
Thanks for being you
Hi <3 I think it's absolutely okay and natural to feel confused about all this, especially with your upbringing. But please know that none of what you're feeling is wrong or bad- even the mixed feelings about your crush's breakup!
Honestly, I think we've all felt like that before- a bit happy (and a bit guilty for feeling happy) when something like this happens. It's not like you're celebrating over a tragedy like a death or a fire or anything like that. You're not even outwardly celebrating! If it was one of those things, then I might say you should feel guilty. But you're not, so please don't beat yourself up. If it makes you feel any better, once I asked a guy out like four hours after he broke up with his girlfriend bc I was so excited he was single...it happens.
Okay so I know I've gotten a couple messages from you in the past few days. I'm gonna try to answer all of them
For your oldest message- I'm so sorry your parents aren't very supportive. As far as your gender, remember that even if you choose to do nothing about it, it doesn't negate who you are. And it also doesn't change that you have time to figure yourself out. there's no rush.
For the message you wrote on Sunday - Honestly listening to your body and not listening to diet culture is SO hard. I still struggle with it every day. I'm proud of you for trying your best! And as far as your dad...he just sounds so picky! Did he ever work in the military? But yeah you're not stupid, that's....a lot.
And for the message you wrote on monday - you are NOT going crazy. But you do need help. Forgive me for needing a reminder, but is there any adult besides your parents you can talk to? A teacher, coach, therapist, anyone? I just want you to have a support system, you know? Also remember there a hotlines you can text and call, there's a list of them on my pinned post! And it's absolutely okay to vent to me, please don't worry about it.
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Infinite anon
Hi cas,
I really don’t know how to start writing this (it’s the first time I right an anon, idk why I’m so nervous, but either way).
So, imma give first some context cuz I feel it’s needed.
So let’s just say that I’m not the most affectionate person to exist. And well, we were having lunch, me and my family, and my father brings out that I’m not affectionate. I’ve listened to this just way too many times, normally I can control myself, but today I’ve just not been able to and I just get up and go to room and start crying. Then my mother comes and tries to console me and she doesn’t stop touching me. I’ve told her infinite times -emphasis on infinite- that I don’t like touch, I don’t know why but it just repulses me. And she doesn’t stop touching me, so instead of getting better, I’m worse. And through this, she keeps saying that I should be more affectionate, warm, loving and everything. But I think she should understand that she’s asking for me to be someone that I’m not. And I don’t how to communicate this more clearer as I’ve already done so and it has no effect.
Some time passes and suddenly she says. “Are you like this cuz you’d think that I wouldn’t accept you if I knew that you like girls?”
Ok, so this happens and I’m like, what? Like, ok, she accepts it, but how does she know? I mean, around the internet I’m really open so maybe she’s read a comment on a TikTok or something like that. Maybe she’s seen my Pinterest. But she doesn’t know what my TikTok or Pinterest accounts are. Does that mean that she somehow controls everything that I do? I more or less suspected it but I prefer to not think much about it. And also, anywhere that may say that I like girls it says that I’m pansexual. So she must know that. And I feel that she made the comment before with reluctance as if she didn’t want to admit that I’m pansexual. As if if she just said girls and didn’t say the word pansexual it wasn’t real. And I’ve spent a lot of time fighting with myself to come to terms with it. My family’s really conservative and I’ll never forget a New Year’s Eve that we watched first dates -idk if it airs anywhere else, but in Spain it is, as the title indicates, about first dates- and there was someone who was bisexual. So, point is, all of my family was making comments such as “all-terrain”, “2x1”,… And this now lives rent-free in my mind cuz if they thought that bisexuals were that, what will they think I am?
And I also just couldn’t feel more outed. I thought that one day I’d be able to say it and be brave, now I’ve lost the opportunity. I must admit that I thought that if people just discovered it it would be easier, it isn’t. Though I’m still not out to anyone else, so maybe I can do so to them. But that’s also a problem as my brother and my father make too many homophobic comments and then sometimes my friends, although they like to look like allies, they say things like “they’ve appropriated of many things that now I can’t use”, “why do they act like that?” and shit like that.
So now I’m just a pansexual-outed(I wouldn’t consider it outed but the fact that my mother knows and not because I told her makes me feel outed)-mess who also doesn’t feel completely aligned with being a girl, demigirl maybe, but I’ve never told anyone, except the internet. And I feel that if anyone knew, then I wouldn’t be supported in any way and I would lose everyone.
And I don’t know what to do cuz I already censored myself way too much around my family and now I’m doing it even more. Also, I feel that in the upcoming elections from my country my father'll vote to the equivalent of Trump here and I don’t know how to face that -i really hope he changes his mind-. And also, I’ve really started to doubt myself if I’m allowed to want to have boundaries regarding touch. Am I entitled to have sensory issues? I mean, I definitely don’t like having them, but there are parts of my body where I just can’t even fathom a light touch. I feel like my culture is too warm, and I just don’t enjoy it at all, sometimes I feel it too overwhelming.
So, all in all, I don’t know what to do with all of this and I just don’t know how to feel.
Just noticed how much I wrote. Well, if you just read it I’ll be forever grateful, I just had to write it somewhere and i feel that clicking the button ‘ask’ will make me feel much better.
So, thank you for reading.
Hi! First of all, you are ABSOLUTELY entitled to decide when and how you are touched, even if you didn't have sensory issues. You have a right to have absolute control over your body!!
But as far as what your mom said, that wasn't cool. Your sexuality is a separate issue. If you feel comfortable, I think you should tell her that upset you and you wish she brought it up at a different time. But if you don't, just know that that was not okay.
But YES please know your boundaries are ABSOLUTEY okay. Don't doubt that for a second!
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ChickFilA Anon
am i a bad person for wanting to live (a little bit) ignorantly so i won’t feel guilty about giving money to not good people?
(ex. I watch Disney still and eat chick fil a and listen to Taylor swift)
My brother is like a super activist and always gets mad when I mention liking those things. I do what I can like buying book secondhand but sometimes it’s just so much work and I would rather order it on Amazon.
I feel guilty when my brother points it out to me, but other times I just don’t care.
Am I a bad person for that?
Here's the thing. I love the people who are able to have the time, dedication, and resources to be super activists all the time. But honestly...and this might be a hot take...activism is only a PART of my life. I try to make informed choices wherever possible, and I think other people should too, but I also have to do my job, take care of myself, be in a relationship, etc. I am a thousand percent supportive of people who can put activism first always, but I can't always do this and I don't just people who don't, either.
Also I think there's a difference between some of these things...like yeah Taylor Swift has a private jet but she also donates millions to food banks. Chick Fil A donates to charities that are anti-lgbtqia. So to me, I feel fine listening to Taylor so I do, but less great about giving money to Chick Fil A, so I actively avoid it. It's relative, ig.
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Outlet Anon
Hey cas, outlet anon here. Man have I had an eventful day. So I ride horses, and today I was working a diffiult horse who's been on stall rest (bed rest) for a while due to some back and hoof problems. He did really well all things considered, and I'm really proud of him! I was able to give his owner a few pointers on riding him in the future and I might get to do it again next week. Anyway, I was riding in a western saddle, which is basically just the ones with saddle horns (the things cowboys hang ropes on), and I hit my thumb on the horn at just the right angle that a small piece got wedged under my nail (not at all the horse's fault) and fell apart when I tried to take it out. I put a bandaid on it anf finished my ride since it hurt a little bit but didn't constitute getting off early. My mother was with me (she likes to watch me ride) and she took one look at it and drove me straight to an urgent care. We waited for an hour (honestly, 'urgent' care? Please. The day those people are 'urgent' is the day I turn straight) before I got called back. Long story short, the doc couldn't get it out (he dug as far uder my nail as he was willing to) so he numbed up my thumb and cut a portion of my nail off (about a centimeter or so). I now have a bunch of shit wrapped around most of my thumb and have to replace the bandages every morning for a week. I get home and my service dog is like "wtf did you do? See, this is what happens when you leave me" so I let him sniff my thumb and the fucking maniac tries to EAT IT. Like... my dog is crazy, I've known that. That's why I bought him. But trying to eat my damn thumb, which is covered in some antibacterial shit that doesn't even smell like anything, is a new level. He chose my thumb over food. That dog loves food more than literally anything. I had to put his shock collar on so the gremlin would stop trying to devour me. So yeah, fun day :):
Honestly the fact that you managed to do that is impressive. I hope your thumb feels better soon! Also it sounds like your dog was rightfully concerned lol
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Alabama Anon
you know that feeling when you’ve got something you really need to tell people? Like you’ve known something for so long and you just want to tell the people you love and get it out into the world. But you don’t. Because you don’t know what they’ll think when you tell them. How could you possibly know what they’d say? Or if they’d still stick around? You know how that feels?
I feel like this currently. The thing I need to tell my people is that I’m bisexual. I live in a sort of rural area in Alabama, so a lot of the people in my town are quite conservative. I don’t even know if there are other queer people at my school. There probably are, but no one has said anything and I don’t want to be the first. I really want to tell somebody though, so I’m telling you.
I feel like I’ve got a pretty good group of people, but you just never know what people will think. If I came out to the wrong person they could tell the whole school.
Some of the people at my school already make comments about me. And some of the things they say about the other girls are absolutely disgusting. I honestly want to punch them.
I apologize for the length of this. It sort of turned into a rant. But anyways, I love your work. I really do like the stuff you write. It always makes me feel happy inside, if you know what I mean. Thank you for reading this whole thing, if you did. I really appreciate it.
Ugh yes I definitely know this feeling and I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. Could you kind of 'test out' your friends first by talking about queer celebrities or something and seeing how they react? Just so you can make sure you're safe.
I hope you have a support system in your family or in other people around you. It's absolutely awful having to go figure out these things alone, so I am sending you so much love <3
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⭐️ anon
so i came out to my dad. it was kinda weird because he came into my room and basically told me that my mom knew that i thought i was bi and wanted to talk about it, basically he told me he would love me no matter what but he just wanted to know (which i was really stressed out about because he’s a pastor) so i told him that i was a girl and i think i like girls too and it went so much better than i thought he just hugged me and we watched a tv show together. i just wanted to thank you for giving me the confidence to actually come out and now i don’t feel like im hiding this huge thing from my family. i probably won’t be publicly coming out soon just because of our current leadership in America but i just wanted to thank you so so so much for helping me.
-⭐️ anon
AHHHH I'm so glad it went so well and your family supports you! I really wish we could say the same about the government, but it makes me so happy to at least know your parents have your back <3 I'm sending you so much love!
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6 anon
WE MADE IT TO STATES!!!
Also, I agreed to meet my dad for lunch.
JEY USO WON THE MENS ROYAL RUMBLE!!
AHHHH congratulations!!! That's amazing!! Keep me updated (if you want) on your dad!
