The Signs Comforting You After A Breakup
Aries: “I can’t find my shovel but we can stop by Home Depot on the way to their house. They’re gonna pay for this. Let’s go.”
Taurus: “Target first, then pedicures, then I’m finding the biggest blanket I have and we’re staying up watching movies.”
Gemini: “They don’t even know what they’re missing out on because you’re a total catch, 100%. They’re gonna wake up one day and realize they let go of the best thing they’re ever gonna find.”
Cancer: “Know I love you and you’re not alone. If you wanna cry, I’m gonna be here, okay? I’ll be here to get you through this.”
Leo: “Here’s what we’re gonna do: You’re gonna put your whole face on and then at golden hour, we’re gonna take some amazing pictures, get you a ton of likes, and they’ll see just what they’re missing.”
Virgo: “I had a feeling they were a chump. It’s probably better you got out of that when you could.”
Libra: “I’m gonna go make you some tea. Do you want me to put on a vinyl? If you wanna cry, I have Adele or Lana Del Rey, but if you want a distraction I have The Beatles. We can also drive somewhere, just let me know what you need.”
Scorpio: “I know it’s rough, but hey, now you get to do all the fun single things! Have sex with whoever you want, drink as much as you want, anything you wanna do. It’ll feel weird, but once the strings cut, you gotta let it go.”
Sagittarius: “Go to my closet, there’s an outfit that’ll look perfect on you. I’ll text the group chat and tell them to cancel their plans. We’re going out tonight.”
Capricorn: “I could make the longest excel sheet of all your amazing traits, but just know you’ll go so much farther than they could even dream of. My advice is to block them on everything, take a shower, watch something funny, and remind yourself that this is a temporary setback.”
Aquarius: “Pack your bag, we’re going to the gym. Then you’re coming over and we’re getting high to some Arctic Monkeys and watching your favorite movie. You don’t need that asshole.”
Pisces: “Oh man. I’m so sorry. I don’t really know the exact right thing to say, but I know this is really hard, so I’ll be here to listen.”