(essentially a diss track)
Aries: intense emotions, passive aggressive, insecure, can be very personable with people they know, complicated relationship with their family, very close to friends, easily threatened, has a strike-first mentality
Taurus: can be manipulative, personable, performers, thinks they’re down to earth but they’re a bit chaotic, very opinionated, loves to argue, good fashion sense
Gemini: there’s two types: those who are actually two-faced, manipulative, pathological liars with real deep issues who are in denial about their own role in those issues AND those who can put on different hats and adapt to any social situation with ease, extremely personable, but this worries them and they lose their sense of self sometimes
Cancer: their emotions rely on others, need to be in control, usually talented performers, close to their families, not as good at relationships as friendships, fairly open minded but still stubborn about their opinion
Leo: pretends to be more confident than they are, doesn’t talk about their emotions with friends but makes their partners responsible for their emotions almost completely, wants others to tell them all their secrets, personable, passionate about the work they do especially work in hobbies they enjoy
Virgo: should be the stereotype of Capricorn, can’t balance between being too analytical and being too impulsive, don’t know their own limits because of this, want a lot of things they can’t have because of their own overthinking, very smart but won’t show it
Libra: two types of these too: those who are so balanced they can never pick sides or choose anything (see: Chidi from The Good Place) AND those who have to be on one side of two extremes at all times, personable, extremely talented and hard working but usually humble about it
Scorpio: most intense sign, can be manipulative, addictive personalities, need everyone to tailor to their emotional needs, won’t admit when they’re wrong, artistic, reliant on their families but love to gossip about them, serial dater
Sagittarius: chaotic, can dish sarcasm and insults but can’t take them, has better friendships than relationships with their families, usually don’t appreciate the good members of their family enough, needs everyone to like them all the time, flaky, usually good at their job when they got off their ass
Capricorn: love their jobs but don’t always act professional, get bored too long in one place but they’re scared of change, values family, too blunt with people, also can dish more than they can take, will replay things people say about them over and over in their head, good friends, won’t admit that they have addictions to things they definitely have addictions to
Aquarius: ego sky high, flighty, can’t commit to anything, think they’re more talented than they are, TOO chill about things that matter and too NOT chill about things that do matter, acts like they’re in a relationship but back out when things get serious, think they’re really funny, when they’re affectionate it’s cute but it doesn’t last
Pisces: *Cue John Mulaney saying “I’m gonna keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die.”* can’t take themselves seriously, worries way too much, holds themself to impossible standards but doesn’t hold others to a high enough standard, artistic, very talented but too humble to say it, big aspirations but doubt themselves, doesn’t communicate well, too kind, usually been through some shit
