This one’s for you @gr4v3-w0rms and your silly little spy au that tickles my brain in all the right places, here’s to more idiots *hits fic with bat towards your face*
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Snotlout doesn’t know how he got himself into this position. Nope that’s a lie. Snotlout knows exactlyhow he got himself here and - as usual - it was all Hiccups fault.
It was Hiccup who wanted to follow up on Krogen’s disappearance. It was Hiccup who discovered dragon trappers, buyers, and traders in the North. It was Hiccup who heard the about the plotting a dragon army. It was Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III who convinced Snotlout to spend the next 3 months in the middle of no where scrubbing barnacles off this stupid, stinking, boat!
“Oi, Snotlout! Don’t scrap so hard you take off the wood too!” One of the shipmates called from over the edge
“Yeah yeah I got it,” Snotlout growled, harsher than he intended
Was he being a little unfair to Hiccup? Maybe. Technically this was the twins idea. We should go undercover and infiltrate their ranks and take them down from the inside! Yeah that was a twin plan if he ever heard one. He thought it was stupid, Fishlegs thought was stupid, Astrid thought it was stupid. Everyone thought it was stupid except Hiccup. So of course they did just that, and by they that means him, Snotlout.
The logic seemed sound at the time. Snotlout had experience with undercover work (for however short lived Sir Ugel Thorp was), he knew more about dragons than any number of dragon trappers combined, and he dabbled in the world of fiber arts so surely that would translate to sailor knots.
He didn’t mind it at first. The first two weeks had been boring. The crew didn’t really know him so of course he got stuck with all the boring cleaning duties. Not that he really blames them but they are, on principle, boring. Yet still better than having to help with dragon hunting.
The second worse thing about this whole mission is the trapping. He remembers when they were first attacked. They had sailed pretty deep into what he thought was a Monstrous Nightmare nest yet he was surprised how long it took before any of the dragons made a move. It was only trying to protect its eggs. Snotlout had, stupidly, broken character and tried to tame the thing mid attack.
It didn’t work but it got the dragon to pause long enough to pull its attention away from nets. Long into for the captain to rush it from behind and subdue it.
“Looking good down there! Hope the water hasn’t been too inviting,” said the first worse thing about this mission “Wouldn’t want you falling in”
Snotlout gulped as he looked up and meet the eyes of Eret, son of Eret. The dragon trapper leaned against the railing of the ship next to Snotlout’s spotter. If he squinted, he could make out the cocky smirk through the sun rays that currently blinded him. Making him have to crane his neck up and hiding in the sun. Dick
“Nope, just a lot barnacles,” Snotlout said, trying to seem casual as he went back to his work of stabbing at a particularly stubborn piece of sealife.
“Good, would hate for you to fall in,” Eret said and Snotlout was uncomfortably aware of the proximity the captain had to his spotter along with the size of the short sword that he kept strapped to his hip, which was definitely sharp enough to cut the rope that was holding Snotlout precariously above the frigid ocean waters where the shock would kill him before he properly drowned.
“Hahaha yeah…” Snotlout agreed forcing out a laugh. He really didn’t want to fall, because he knew this time, there would be no Hookfang to save him. No anybody actually.
Because that was another thing about his situation. Originally, the riders had set up a system of Terror mail to keep in contact with one another. But, for some gods forsaken reason the captain has taken an interest in Snotlout! He can’t find the time to track down a Terrible Terror to send any updates without the stupid son of Eret hiding behind every corner! His last letter was sent nearly 3 weeks ago and his pretty sure Eret all but saw him throw the dragon off the deck that time.
A particularly stubborn barnacle spews a stream of water in his face. The salt hits directly in his eye and he’s flailing back, remembers that Hookfang isn’t there to catch him, and latches onto the safety harness.
“Woah Snotlout easy there!” His spotter calls steadying the rope
“I’m good! I’m good!”When Snotlout looks up Eret isn’t there. One part of him is glad and breaths a sigh of relief, another is angry that it isn’t him and his stupid tattooed face getting sprayed instead.
He wants to go back to his hut and curly up with his favorite scaly lizard away from cold waters and stupid tattoos. He misses Hookfang. He misses Berk. He - surprisingly - misses the rest of the dragon riders.
But he’s got a job to do and no stupid Eret, son of Eret is going to stop him.
Hopefully.
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Aaaand there we go. Nothing to fancy or particularly but I wanted to keep it simple. I’ve never written for snotlout before but the unreliable narrator was great practice. I love secret identity fics and spy shit so this AU is great and I’ve got another scene that I wanna try writing but we’ll see what motivation has to say in the morning. Anyway hope you enjoy!
