Guys I have this winner's theory. And I'm sure I probably heard this before or something like it, but here's my own take and ideas on it.
The winners have brands. Somewhere on their body is a place the Watchers branded them, told them they weren't their own anymore, and made sure they knew that being a winner is even more pain than being a player.
Grian’s is a sun on the back of his neck. A large burned out circle with spikes around the edges. The heat of the Watchers gaze while he played, the weight of their disappointment and punishment. He was only in the arena to begin with as a penalty for disobeying them. One round and it's over and he can come home. But he won, and that's a worse thing than whatever he did before. That mark. Where Scar’s arms would hang when he held grian or hugged him or just slung his arm across his shoulders playfully. He has to work to cover that mark with a collar or hood, because he doesn't know if he can bear to be asked. The ring of cacti and bloody fists are still burned behind his eyes. The heaviness of that guilt because he didn't just betray his first ally, his friend. He killed him. It feels like the desert sun is still burning down on him. He will forever be in that desert.
Not only that, but Grian has a Watcher symbol on his shoulder, as well. Further up on his arm. And all the other burns are normal, but this one is infused, because the Watchers mark their territory. They take what is theirs without asking and they make sure you know it. Sometimes, when they're angry, it burns. Hot and white pain and sparks behind his eyes. It glows, too, a purple that goes through his sleeves no matter what. He tries to make sure no one sees it. Only Scar has, and he's forgotten anyways. The shame still rises in his stomach, though. It always will.
Scott’s is in the middle of his spine, on his back. The place of trust. His ally in last life, Pearl, who gave him so much and still died. And he spent the season being honorable and he stayed that way until the bloody end, until he had to kill the man who came after his family, until the arrows he fired finally hit their mark. The Watchers say his flame burned too bright and so they carved a constellation across his bones. Left a trail of red stars that would sting every time he slept. These wounds will never heal, no matter what. They will always remind him that the company of others is never going to be safe for him, that no one is trustworthy. Not after he got better, not after being a winner gave him such a high skill level. He might find safety in the beginning, but not in the end. Not again.
Pearl’s is on the inside of her wrist. Where the soulmate string was tied to her. She can still feel the jolt she would get whenever Scott got hurt, his emotions, the anger and sadness and hatred that climbed its way into her brain through that very string. It's a moon, for her connection to the night and to Tilly. She will always hold that feeling of guilt and shame in her everytime she looks at her hands. In the beginning, in that first game after she won, it was hard to stop touching it. Hard to stop thinking that she really was demented, that there was no way people could see her any differently because how could they? She let Tilly, the only one who knew she wasn't crazy or terrible, the only one who loved her... die. She will always know that the moon is alone and lonely and useless. How many times did she try to break that string? Even if it killed her. Pulling and cutting and wishing on every star by her precious moon that she could be free, even if it was death. She prayed that it was and that it wasn’t.
Martyn's is in the crook of his elbow. The outline of a circle on his arm. Mars. Heat and anger and distortion of everything. War. But it's also the Ouroboros. A snake eating its tail, a constant reminder that everything is complete. An eternal circle of time, life, and death. Which fits him, because didn't he win to escape the time? Didn't he forfeit everything, sacrifice everything, just because he thought it would let him be free? But it's a circle. And he will never be free, and the Watchers will never let go, and he will always be forced to remember what he has done. Who he has killed and who he has betrayed. Their will be done. The beings he’s been fighting, who he's been rebelling against and trying to beat, have made him one of them.
Scar has a full burned circle. Maybe it looks full, at least, but it’s empty. He will always have a feeling of emptiness in him, like he’s missing something. Always missing something. This one is on the inside of his palm. It stings every time he touches something or flexes his hand, and really? He thinks he deserves it. No, knows he deserves it. Hurt everyone and was left alone. The mark of a traitor. He covers it up with his cane. When he walks with it, it’s completely invisible. But he knows it’s there. The sting and sharp pain every time he moves, everytime the hunk of wood he relies on to move with shoves itself into his hand, and he’ll pretend he’s fine. But he’s still in that sunflower field. Still watching the snow fall and the shadows creep closer. Still in that desert, even if it doesn't look the same.
Joel has the outline of a comet on his bicep. Usually something cool like that would want to be shown off, because that's who he is. He's showy. Or at least, he was. But not this. Not this mark that his family is gone. Not this reminder that he failed everyone he loved. Not this proof that even though he won the wildest games, even though he beat the cards of fate, he is tethered down to these gods who could - who did - wipe out his family. Who killed and destroyed everything he held dear. And not only is it a reminder that his family is gone, but that the one time he didn’t go crazy, the one time he tried to be good, it was all destroyed. The one time he wasn't the bloodiest or the cruelest, it all fell to pieces. And it destroys him to know that he will have to look these people in the eyes when the time comes and have to pretend that he didn't watch their bodies fall. He’s a comet that catches fire as it goes and destroys everything in his path.
But once again, it's not just this. The whole thing is that only the winners remember past games. And only their games and the ones in front of them, aka Grian remembers everything, Scott doesn't remember Third Life, Pearl only remembers Double Life forward, etc. Which makes it extra angsty when you think about all the things from the next games they remember.
How Grian will constantly be thinking about how he killed the ally he was with from the beginning. His friend. How he'll never be able to shake the feeling that he failed. How he'll remember every ally he's watched die and know that he was a part of it. How he'll always remember the pain.
How Scott will always remember how Martyn killed him at the end of Limited Life. How he'll remember all those people hunting him, the terror in the pit of his stomach as they shot at him from his tower, the feeling as he flew through the air down to the water. He'll always remember Cleo's lifeless body in his arms at the end of Double Life, and all those mistakes he made. It didn't have to end that way. But then again, it always seemed to.
Pearl will always remember she was never wanted. That even when there were people who were supposed to be on her side, there weren't. How she'll always remember those open scars on her arms and the chill in her bones and the empty walls of her tower and the desperate thoughts in her head that told her to end it.
Martyn will have to remember when he lost control. When the Watchers, the very beings he's despised and tried to rebel against from the beginning, took over. When he was their subject and less than a player. When he was the Hand once again.
Scar will always remember how no one wanted him in Secret Life. No one. He'll always remember making it to the Winners at the end of Secret Life and learning that there were people who knew he wasn’t inherently bad, that knew what the Watchers did, that understood that sometimes you don't have control over what your mind and the blood on your hands and in you veins tells you to do. He'll always remember that they still didn’t want to be with him. That he wasn't worth their time.
Joel will have a good memory - for a while. But he also has to remember that his wife was killed in that. And yeah, maybe she’ll come back to play another game. But he was there when she died. He was there when all of his family was killed, when Gem was killed. When his family and his world and his chance to do something good for once was blown up. And he will be filled with guilt and anger and hatred. Because, much like Scott, his allies were his family. And family doesn't forget those who hurt them.
