#inkinthebottle

[yeshablogs-blog]

Chemistry once said "Opposites do attract", and the theory was proven true by Sun and Moon - Born and raised in the Milky Way so sweet, but the ending might not be so happy and glee. As the space all knew - Aggressive and short-tempered was the Sun, who was willing to throw a fight with his hot fist burning with anger and pride Hence - here came the Moon - on her silver shoon, walking the aisle with her serene and calm smile - lighting up your soul from the gloom of the day. Moon tried to teach Sun - how to handle rejection and agony, for love should bring the best out from you. With all her hopes high that Sun would never let her down - She met him again and showed him how these things were done. Days were perfect and well - as Sun changed little by little by day. But probably love - was not the way it was thought - or should be more of the acceptance of who we were, all other way around - As Past reminded Sun - how he felt tormented before and couldn't endure no more, with its burning flames on clenched fist landed on Past's cheek - Crushed, bent and broken - Glowed by the fires of hostility and hatred - Past went away on ashes so gray. But behind it all, Moon rushed by - stopping the scene from becoming a scandal, Moon was in chaos and cursing inside - for this was not the man, she known had stolen her heart all this time. Weeping in tears, devasted was the Moon - Didn't know what to say nor do, With her soul in vain - she fled, away from the commotion and no plan of coming back again. Love was disappointed but still hoping - for Sun had paid off his sins and bad doings time after time - For no one would ever see the good in him, And would ever love him with all these mistakes around - Sun faced his consequences and prayed to have Moon back again - Love was sorry - and aching, Wound caused by love would only be healed by love itself - Pr'yers answered and Moon showed up - That was why we have eclipse today.

[yeshablogs-blog]

We all had that one dream - which we couldn’t stop ourselves from dreaming to life a life within it. That could be having a million-worth house, owning a lamborghini or a ferrari - or could be living a life doing the stuff you were passionate about? Yeah, it was the real world - things what made us happy would be the things we need the least because priorities came first ( as always ) and hobbies were just a past time.

I loved writing, dressing up and taking photos with a caption of quotes I made myself - but I had to stop it as I needed to survive the real life after moving out from my father’s side four years ago. Since then - writing was always been my escape from reality - whether mom liked it or not. I needed to breathe out sometimes - and freed myself from the suffocating reality of a broken family.

As times went on - I was growing up with this certain confusion of what I really wanted to be - being an artist with her own crafts - or to be someone who needed to earn on money to continue what she wanted to do on the first place.

I was hired for a fulltime job - but there was my other half - longing the tings which made me happy - completed me as a whole. The more I ignored it - the louder their voices inside my head. I wanted to be on that world - but priorities were calling me back like - “Hey, vacation was over.’ When I knew what I want - I couldn’t do it as I got no support from anyone - and this anxious side of me was shouting like I was a deaf person.

And now - I was living my life with confusion of what I want to be - rather than of who I wanted to be. I really wanted to be a blogger like anyone else - but when I stop writing, dressing up ( which was my stress-reliever ) and taking photos of myself - what was I?

[yeshablogs-blog]

030819 : 24 Things My Life Has Taught Me ( 3 / 3 )

17. You could be there for them but they may not be for you. You put them first in your priority list but they may not be. Yeah, it is unfair, so please be wise.

18. Life is like an ecosystem - please be the predator rather than the prey. But never lose your heart and brain, and never let the ecosystem eat you.

19. Never let your emotion dictate who you gonna be. It’s brain over brainsteam, biatch.

20. Money is needed to survive, but it is not  everthing. Don’t be greedy from what you can get, and be contented on what you have. Changing your lifestyle will not define you.

For daily styles and whereabouts, please follow me on Instagram, @itsyeshalegaspi!

21. Work hard - but party harder!

22. Keep on going. No matter how hard, no matter how painful, no matter how harsh the world will be. Taking rest from time to time is advisable. You will not start a thing if you are not determine, and if you already give your best - but it isn’t enough - find another way to get it. If what you are doing is not enough, then there gotta be another way around.

23. Be kind. No matter how rude the world to, no matter how mean they are - you gotta understand, as you are educated, so apply what you learned.

24. Live your life. If you feel the world is cruel to you - it is to me. It is very tiring, as blendin is not my thing - but I managed to survive by being me. Praying also helps a lot - whenever you are sad, or downcasted. It helps to ease the burden. And please - never hold grudges to anybody - it will only make you even sadder. Let it go as it is. Rain stops and rainbow comes after.

[yeshablogs-blog]

030819 : 24 Things My Life Has Taught Me ( 1 / 3 )

As I turned 24 last week - I felt mixed emotions, honestly. I was excited to take my personal off from work for four days and be with my mother’s side family, but confused if I would feel sad or sorry - for I didn’t have anyone to celebrate it with. I loved taking photos and it really made me anxious to look happy for a while and depressed myself again for being alone.

As the day went on - I every year added had an additional learning for me, that I would be believing for lifetime.

For daily styles and whereabouts, please follow me on Instagram, @itsyeshalegaspi! 

1. Making friends was not difficult - what made it complicated was when your new-made friends decided the role they wanted to be in your life : a friend who would live with you thru heaven or hell, or a friend who would be there in heaven alone.

2. When life gives you lemons - makin’ lemonades are not enough. You need to turn pink the yello lemonades to survive today, and turn it to blue tomorrow.

3. Not all arguments were worth debating for. You were responsible for words, and not from people’s understanding.

4. Nothing worst than an argument of the self-doubt.

5. Successful people always take the blame than makin’ excuse. Mishaps help them yield their own farm of knowledge, prune and water it with faith and determination then harvest it with experience and learning.

6. Speak up when you wanted to be heard, and shut up if you don’t have anything good to say.

7. Experience and situations will introduce you to someone’s personality.

8. Don’t get upset when you’re on an argument. Instead be educated to explain what you want to say.

[sophiablogsabout]

Whenever you cheat, you steal me these things:

My self-confidence, knowing that I will be the only beautiful girl on your eyes. A kind of confidence which never requires me to wear any makeup to get a perfect picture of us together.

My inner peace, knowing that you can be faithful even I am not around, and will stay loyal when we are together. The calmness of the night which assures me that the next day after today - your feelings will never change as you promise me an eternity together.

My innocence behind those what-ifs. Innocence of my love that I can still trust you behind of those arguments and excuses which keep on bothering me that I can't discuss anymore with you because of the growing bush of hatred and hostile, seperating us together.

Courage and pride to stand alone without relying to you or to anyone as prey me with those sweet words that it is alright to be weak, because you got my back. My back which you just let go - and watch my pieces scattered away after breaking me.

This kind and understanding heart to be rationalize that not everyone will be like you, or not everything will end like this. How can I be that pure - when you proved to me why I shall avoid attachments.

Being contented from what I have and who I am. Choosing other girls over me when we supposed to save this dying relationship of ours made me realize how incompetent I am for myself is never been enough to make you stay. What I am supposed to do, or what change, how many changes or do I even need to change for you to realize my worth?

Self-respect and self-love which as I continue the fight from every cold wars we had, I am torn between choosing you or loving myself. I have to make a decision from who to save from these drowning waves of despair everytime we argue on even tiniest thing. Shall I save you even though you will not save me? Or myself in order to save you? When I actually choose to save you, who will save me?

Those are just few things that you steal from me. Not mentioning the smiles I gave you - when I received tears in return.

[sophiablogsabout]

Tonight was just other fight for me. I lied on my bed to rest after a long day, but as soon as I closed my eyes - I felt like I was energized again. Too energetic that even my own body couldn’t handle it anymore - like I was here,  but my mind was traveling. If I were a kid - this could be fascinating to think that I was still thinking of the happenings a month ago, and wish that the time would be back there for some minutes so that I could have reacted that way or I could have done it a way better - or should I know better, anyway. That could be amazing if I could see somehow the future so that I could have an assurance of the present time - or at least someone could let me know that all of these pain would worth living for. My thoughts shuffled from the moments I used to talk with you whenever I feel unease and uncomfortable over something I couldn’t figure out. Probably it were the lights and the shadows from a restaurant I was never been, or the silence of the which made me anxious because even I couldn’t see their lips moving, it felt like I could hear them whispering next to me. Remember the moment I was getting pale - and I told you how anxious I was - you hugged me, as if you told me that your demons would gonna take care them for me. I wanted to go back there, and these thoughts were moving like a time machine.

I was feelin’ down tonight, like the other nights I used to wrestle with these thoughts and feelings of mine - and they were undeniably getting stronger. I could feel a sudden pain on the left side of my heart, giving me short breaths - but I was fine. I wanted to unwind - to see the street lights and be embraced by the warmth of the bitter cold night breeze, but my body was too tired to move - and going out, didn’t feel as exciting as it used to be when I go out with you. I chatted  few friends - but I didn’t feel like talking because they were not really interested, and I didn’t have any topic to bring up to keep the conversation going. And this was sad - these thoughts were scary, and I tired to shoo them away with the people I used to think would be there always - but these thoughts gave me a company -  as they all go away.

The next thing I knew - I was crying, crying heavily. I felt the pressure inside - that I was worried over something which I really couldn’t tell what was it. I was getting scared from something I couldn’t figure out. These thoughts were like bees buzzing round and round - like I was the most beautiful flower even there was no garden around me. These bees kept from showing me these memories which I didn’t want to see anymore, and those words said kept  echoing around like a broken tape. One, two, three - big sighs as I clutched my heart inside. I tried to stop thinking of it, but the more I stopped them the more they bugged me. So I went to the counter to get myself some food. I started to feel dumb and not to feel anything aside from the heavy pounds of my heart like a foot of a child throwing a tantrums. So I ate a lot - because everytime I munched it calms me down to the veins - not until I finished it and my mind goes running and running again. 

Running from memories to memories - I laughed to myself - as I was making fun of me. Same phrases, synonimous words were used to replace other word - same words, same thoughts, same feelings, same promises - different people but same pain, same ending. Different people - but same pain and same ending... And here was the voice inside - how come you didn’t see that? Was my existence a joke that they wanted to keep repeating the same cycle over and over?

I cried again, trying to console my empty heart. I felt like I was exhausted and drained inside like every beat of my heart - I could feel nothing but pain. And these thoughts were still running, and running and running...

[sophiablogsabout]

1/23/18 : Dear Future...

I'm a product of failure, disappointment, betrayal, lies, sorrow, grief, despair, regret and pain. Been taken for granted many times, and used just as a past time, in every relationship I used to be in. And to be honest, I feel cheaper and cheaper after a broken relationship.

 If you still feel I'm worth keeping for - please understand where my anxieties, doubts, and traumas are coming from. 

These are not because I don't trust, love or believe in you - these things are just few of the things that I can't help myself being worried about. The more I annoyed, bother you - the more I need assurance. The more needy I am - the more approval I am seeking for. 

 I'm tired of believing what my eyes can see, and my heart been fooled - and paralyzed - after of countless aches inside. Paranoia haunts me as I rest on your arms as the thoughts of the same phrases, same promises and same excuses tired me. I used to buy in those countless sorries and "I can't make it better" but none of those words stayed long. Hearing "You are mine." , " I'm yours." , doesn't warmth me but rather saddeneds me as those phrases are said before they left me hanging in the air. 

I have fallen on the pit of our story publicize - as it confuses me why it has to end this way when you are so proud to have me. Why it has to end with shallow reasons when the whole world has its greatest lie on every truth. And I swear - this will not be marketable next time. I wanted to say sorry in advance - as my expectations and standards are like my own-built-wall - it goes higher and higher on every bent relationships I had. I'm sorry, so sorry that you suffer from a dose of someone's medicine. 

I'm sorry if these things may hurt you, and I can't promises that this won't hurt all the way - but please stay. The longer you stay, the more attached I get. The more attached I get, the more monster I become inside. I'm a masterpiece in progress, and I need your patience and understanding that commitment and security are not something that can be displayed by merely actions alone, but it takes time and assurance on everything. I might be somebody's trash right now, and it may take time to fix every tiny pieces of myself, but with patience, time and understanding - I worth your time, effort and love. This is too much to ask, but I am worth it. With an intention to stay til the time runs out - I'll make it up to you. I'll return every pieces you give me, as it makes myself - as my given pieces to you makes up the pieces you lost for me. We'll make it working for us. 

 And by the moment - you are about to give up on me, please let me know. Let me know, so that this time, I will win you back. So that this time, it's my turn to return the favor back on you. I will make it worth you, I will make it us - every passing day.

[iamphiasakura-blog]

Expectations are disappointments in disguise.