Why am I not supposed to be upset?
I'm going to complain about something. I know that what they're asking is "just small talk." "Casual conversation" "a common question" etc.
So how I think the Conversation should go:
Them: "Question about children, usually so do you have kids?"
Me: "No, I can't have them."
Them: "Oh I'm so sorry/sorry to hear that/sorry for your loss" And/Or "I apologize for asking the question/bringing it up. Change of topic."
How it actually goes:
Them: "Question about children, usually do you have any?"
Me: "No, I can't have them."
Them: "Oh You're so lucky!" (Just don't. Don't ever say this to anyone about something that upsets them) And/Or "You don't want them anyways. Kids are messy/annoying/rambunctious/loud/expensive/clingy/nosy and you never get to sleep well again." And/Or "That just means you have more money/time/joy/sleep." And/Or "Well it might still happen." And/Or "Have you looked into adoption, ivf, fertility treatment, surrogates, fostering?"
How I'm expected to respond:
Nod and agree, nod, smile, and agree, make a joke about how terrible kids are and how lucky i am. Thank them for their kind assurances and helpful suggestions.
How I want to respond:
"Of course I'm so lucky that one thing I dreamed about that should be acheivable and for many is beyond easy will not happen for me and it is not by choice at all." "If YOU don't like kids then maybe YOU should NOT have had any or at the very least stopped after one." "No." "Yeah I have of course never thought about or even looked into any other options, your dazzling brilliance truly blinds me." Incoherent screaming!
Why am I not supposed to be upset when people ask and then make light of it or even congratulate me on it? Why am I supposed to be nice and care about making them uncomfortable when they say things like that?
