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it’s that ever present belief that everyone has already found all the friends they would ever need and I’m intruding in their life by existing

#Why Do You Want To Talk To Me Dont You Have Other Friends Who You Know Better That You Would Want To Do This With #Instead Of Me #I am well aware that this is my brain being stupid and mean again. but it keeps informing how I approach friendships and i think it’s makin #everything so much worse than if it was just all in my head #i am also kind of aware that this is just not true and people dont have a limited amount of spaces in their life for friends and once those #friend slots get filled up then sorry! you can’t join my life I already have everyone I need :)#but that’s how it feels like and that’s how it’s felt my whole life and I hate it I hate it i hate it

In spite of the ridiculous plot line, I feel that this is an apt depiction of real love, by that I mean a damaging level of codependency that is also more vitalizing than anything. But then again, how often do these true love stories end up not tragic in reality?

#my royal nemesis #kdrama #lim ji yeon #heo nam jun #at least these fictional people are happy #for me #instead of me

i think at this point i just straight up hate my major. but i am definitely too far into my degree to leave. so i just have to suck it up. but i don’t want anything to do with any of this shit like i just do not want to do ANYTHING related to lighting design. i know that staying and getting my degree is by far the smartest choice when it comes to my future which is why i’m still here but god i wish i could leave

#I KNEWWWWWWWW MY HAPPINESS WOULD END WHEN I HAD TO START DOING LIGHTING SHIT AGAIN I KNEWWWWWWWWWW ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT #i truly don’t have any desire to learn anything more about any of it #any single problem that comes up doesn’t feel like an exciting challenge it just feels like i wish somebody else could deal with this shit #instead of me #but i LOVE theater and i NEED to work in theater for the rest of my life because i won’t be happy any other way #and i truly thought i enjoyed lighting design enough to do it as a career but. apparently not lmfao !#c speaks

post-canon wanmian gets a little drunk and at least once makes fang duobing put on the ol' li xiangyi robes and do the sword dance for her. It's very weird, fang duobing cannot exactly refuse his older baichuan court sister, she's like it will be a good way to remember him :') and he is under the assumption there will be an audience and it's some sort of memorial. It is not. It's just A'Mian, white-knuckling her way through a pitcher of wine as Fang Duobing does some of the most leaden footwork of his life.

#yes they do fuck after and yes it is horrendous #mysterious lotus casebook #i think wanmian gets real weird with it once llh disappears #because while the other two have spent significant time with him and perhaps one day will understand how he is #and have those memories to refer to when trying to find succor #she has (1) 10+ year old memories followed by (2) him dogging her out at her WEDDING #also if my ex fiancee had taken up with a dirtbag from our shared past and spent what ultimately were his twilight years with him #instead of me #and told me he'd never loved me (even if it was a protective lie)#well damn jackie i can't control my kill response!

Are you Frostpaw kin/fictionkin?

no she copies me its pissing me off!

#skuffy meowing #i just give her my intrusive thoughts so she looks bad #instead of me #if i fail an attempt she fails an attempt and looks stupider

god the beautiful bisexual women you put on earth for me are ending up with crusty mongrel boyfriends instead

#tmi but i just woke up from a *dream* about the girl im lowkey obsessed with rn #who im 99% sure is into this one guy who looks like ukranian luigi mangione #INSTEAD OF ME #im sick #sick to my stomach #planning my own funeral

"I am friend shaped, don't listen to anyone."

#;;Mao-Guest #just because I stole all your faith and caused the fabric of this barrier to crack by webbing everyone up..and making your friends fight #instead of me #tee hee

#instead of me

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