It’s Sunday and I’ll be starting my internship - the final year of my medschool journey - next Monday, July 1. I recently bought this planner to help me prepare for the year and the events to come after (boards review, boards, uhm, residency?). As I sat down on my table to write, I found myself lost and stuck. It’s been a while since I carefully wrote and organized my plans and studying schedule. My clerkship has been all about work and trying to get through the frustrating system. Studying and learning are the in-betweens. It seems I forgot how to plan things.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been having self-doubts recently. Now that I’ve gone through medschool proper and I’ve had my chance at being one of the frontliners in the hospital, I still find myself wondering - will it ever be enough? After all those countless nights studying in the first few years and now the countless duties and hours spent on patient care, will I ever be enough? Internship is just around the corner and I feel as if the shoes are still too big for me.
But then again I’m reminded that the whole progression in the medicine career is a commitment to lifelong learning. It doesn’t matter if you’re still a student or a consultant, you learn everyday. So I remind myself that it’s okay to be scared. I may still not be the kind of doctor I aspired to be, but I’ll get there. This has always been my dream. Now that I’m so close to achieving it, why not give it my best shot?
I promised myself I will be better this year, and not just for the boards. For the patients I will encounter, for the juniors I may have the chance to teach (recently found this new aspiration to teach in medschool at some point in my life but that’s for another post maybe), and for everyone else that might need my guidance. I will definitely try to be better this year, I promise myself again.
I open my planner again, and now a new phase of my life begins.
