#intense discussions

[radicalsimplicity-blog1]

an emotional day

Today was hard. I woke up feeling off and knew that something wasn’t right. On my way to work I sent Andrea a text, asking if she wanted to hang out on Friday night. She asked me if I could do Saturday, and I can’t cause I have work. Of course, I assumed she had plans with S and was unwilling to move them. This is where I should have stopped. But I didn’t. I got upset that Andrea didn’t ask me to hang out. And I let it manifest through me.

She called me this morning to talk about it- thankfully I was still on my way to work and hadn’t gotten there yet. I shouldn’t have answered I knew that I was upset and I regret answering the phone. It just started and went and went. I’m not happy with how the conversation went but I’m proud that I stood up for my feelings and for what I had to say. I have feelings too and they need to be talked about with Andrea if we’re going to do this cohabiting thing. 

I wasn’t as graceful as I could have been.. clearly. I feel not good about how I acted today because I was overly emotional. I guess it’s jealousy of the connection that she and S have and also feeling overlooked, like I don’t matter. I need to process this jealousy I have of S.

I did go to the gym though, so thats good. She’s still winning. I need to get back in control. Emotions are so difficult.

[pilotscully]

I really want to go blonde I was debating on whether or not I could pull it off but now I just want to go for it

[inpainandregret-blog]

[I just always feel quietly enraged when people put obviously modern lyrics in their fics, like “hey bb just hold my hand it’s gon be alright so call me tonight” so the fact that you make the effort makes me p l e a s e d]

oh same same

if the song makes reference to airplanes or phones i

no

no

the sword and the pen doesn't have the same modern references in it so i could have gone the easy way BUT MAGLOR LYING ON THE GROUND AND CRYING THESE LYRICS IS MORE APPROPRIATE IN QUENYA

urgh yeah but i've spent about two and a half hours and i have one last verse to go

i've had to change parts of the song because apparently elves don't have the word desperate in their vocabulary

probably because they're a bunch of prideful assholes

and because if you put a verb at the end of a sentence in quenya, it's a question, and i only want so many questions in that song

it loses some of the uncertainty of the song, but quenya doesn't have the same fucktruck of tenses that english has so it's expected

[ahauntedmind]

Walking around on campus for half an hour listening to Gotye weirdly helped but then One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest popped into my head so I popped into the library to see if they had it and I spent half an hour searching for books and I came out with The Bell Jar, The Virgin Suicides and Stephen King's "On Writing" and some really random autobiography was near it that I was flipping through and getting intrigued by so I grabbed it too. Who knows what's going to help?

Then lo and behold I go to eat something and this guy--I don't know if he's a friend, I guess so, but he's good friends with one of my close friends so she's usually our link to each other--came to sit with me and we had this intense theological-philosophical-personality discussion. It was amazing. I never get to talk like that with other people. He sought out my Myers-Briggs type and I'm an INTP (sometimes INFP, if I'm feeling really down and unloved) and he was like "Oh wow, that's the geniuses!" and I go "Oh great, now I feel all this pressure." Which is true. There is a lot of pressure to live up to others like Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, and Leonardo Di Vinci. I can't compete with that! Are you KIDDING me?

So basically he told me that I had to influence the world because those who think like me don't come around very often (in the midwest, hardly at all) and that I have to make my mark. The problem I'm having though, is that I've lost my mojo--for lack of a better term--and I don't know how to get it back.