#interaction: kai

[foxespsu]

Location: Foxhole Court Lobby Date: Thursday, Jan 27th Time: Post afternoon practice (open​)

Even on the Foxes, Kai hates the locker room. There's more privacy here than any others he's seen, and shower doors that lock behind him—no doubt Wymack's doing, trying to make at least the home games bearable for anyone who needs their space—but that doesn't fix everything. And while Kai might slip away to change, there are other Foxes who don't bother—Kent, for one, never seems to give a shit who sees him shirtless.

When he was in the girl's locker room back home, he always felt like he'd infiltrated somewhere secret. Like he was just waiting for someone to catch him and throw him out. Whether it was because he thought girls were beautiful in a way that he knew wasn't the same as everyone else, or later, when he realized he wasn't actually one of them—it was a problem either way.

He should feel better now, especially on a team like the Foxes. He might be the only trans freshmen, but he's far from the only trans person on the team. Instead, though, he gets to play the fun game with himself of keep your eyes down, because if he sees Kent's stupid six pack again he's going to spend the rest of the night wildly jealous and uncomfortable in his own skin.

And it's uncomfortable enough there most days, even without any outside encouragement. His skin is damp and itchy, because he's on day five of this particular application of chest tape, and what he really needs is to change it out entirely. He can't deal with it here, so instead he'll have to wait until he gets back to his dorm and make another excuse to shower. If he's fast enough, he might even beat his roommates back home.

It'll be nice to have fresh tape for tomorrow's game, too. A confidence boost he sorely needs before his first Championship game—which is the thing he's focusing on, mostly, because if he doesn't he'll get that sinking feeling in his stomach whenever he thinks about his birthday waiting right on the heels of that game. Katie's birthday. He didn't celebrate it last year, and he doesn't plan to start it up again now.

He resists the urge to run a hand down his chest before he leaves the shower for the rest of the locker room, because it's not going to reassure him. He's well aware the tape is there under his clothes, doing everything it can—and by now, that mostly means drying painfully slowly, and starting to peel against his skin. Forget fresh tape. What he really, really needs is locked up behind insurance approval that apparently takes forever, and paperwork, and needing more time to heal than he can afford in the middle of the season.

Kai packs his locker haphazardly, and keeps his eyes away from any of his teammates as he makes a break for it into the lobby. He's digging his headphones out of his bag—unwieldy, over the ear, wired for the best sound quality—when disaster strikes. The cord catches, snags, and his headphones hit the ground hard enough that the plastic cracks. It's loud, too, successfully foiling his plans to sneak away quick and quiet. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

[the-ultimate-spaceboy]

"Fine, here:s me. I am Azora's friend Kai. I've known her since she was little and she's like a sister to me."

"Well. Hi Kai, nice meeting you, I guess. Sorry, usually I introduce myself with more bravado, but I don't feel like it, it sounds exhausting."

He glanced up from his game to look at Kai, tilting his head slightly before going back to his game: "Yeah, you look like one of her friends. I have never seen an anon drop their sunglasses before, it is a very exciting day, can you see how I am trembling with excitement?"

He was clearly not himself, he was never like this before, even on his first days when he was still a bit rude, especially to strangers.

He then sighed, offering: "Can I get you anything? Food? A drink? Anything else? Guests are welcome after all.

[remnantofmalice]

@ofkaiparker

the smell of blood should of made him flinch. he was human, blood meant dying--he could of been dying. but, instead it brought a sort of nostalgia for him. one he enjoyed far too much. finally he saw where it came from, blood stained on someones wrist. and the man wasn’t even looking at it. he was smiling--and klaus knew that expression all too well. he had killed and he didn’t care. that idea was all too familiar to the former hybrid. “careful.” his tone should of been cautious, instead he was amused. “if the wrong person sees that they could make... assumptions.” he could barely take himself seriously. if this man had no trouble killing once he’d do it again, just like klaus himself. 

[baudos-blog]

@kaibrks

the aftermath of death was as unique as a fingerprint, and kai’s grief was the quietest sound lancy had ever heard, although it hadn’t started that way. they were sleeping now, on top of her covers with a throw tucked cautiously around them, a naive attempt at bandaging kai to keep them somewhat put together. it wasn’t working. even in sleep, they didn’t look peaceful, they looked undone. it was hard to look at them. it was even harder to look away. cautious not to make too much noise, lancy padded across the room with a mug -- aiden’s -- of green tree and settled herself into a spot behind them, tucking her feet under herself neatly. she tried not to think of another body she’d done this for, tried to keep his name out of her mouth. sometimes there were no words for grief; all you could do was sit through it and wait out the worst of it. sighing, lancy ran a hand over kai’s shoulders; they were still wretched, but their heart, undoubtedly, was even worse off. kai’s mother was dead. there wasn’t a remedy for that; no hope for the hurt eclipsing their sky.

[foxespsu]

Location: Foxhole Court Lounge Date: Saturday, October 4 Time: After Dinner (open​)

Kai's fidgeting. He hates formalwear, especially when the room is full of other men in their own suits and tuxedos. It's too easy imagine where he is—or isn't—measuring up in his own, especially when it feels like all the Foxes are under the spotlight tonight.

He thinks he could like this, someday. But tonight he's jealous of the way other people's blazers and lapels lie flat against their chests—or even better, the guys like Sterling who let their dress shirts hang open, flaunting the thing Kai's going to have to jump through endless wait lists and doctors' letters to achieve.

In the beginning, it helped to name the itchy, uncomfortable feeling under his skin. Now, it doesn't make much of a difference. Call it dysphoria, call it anxiety: he's still slouching by the punch table tugging at his shirt instead of out on the dancefloor.

He clearly hasn't been paying attention to anything else though, because the next drink he pours himself has an extra bite to it. It shouldn't be unexpected—he'd been warned by at least one upperclassmen to be careful with the punch after a certain hour—but he hadn't noticed someone actually spiking it.

With representatives from both the ERC and the press present, it's hard to believe it's worth it. Then again, supposedly this happens nearly every year. Maybe it's a lost cause; maybe the coaches think it'll help all these rival teams mesh together smoother if everyone's wits are a little dull. Either way, if anyone official's noticed it, they're pretending otherwise.

Kai fails to suppress his wince at the taste. He doesn't dump the drink out, though. If anything, he takes a bigger drink next. Alcohol's supposed to help people relax, right? "Tastes like more than one person added something," Kai says, half a warning to anyone else around him, half for the sake of justifying his inability to knock back a drink smoothly. "People aren't wasting any time."

[foxespsu]

Location: Fox Tower Date: Thursday, September 23 Time: Early evening (open​)

The game isn't until tomorrow, but the string of texts on his phone tells Kai that his parents are already at the airport with their rental car. They still have to drive over from Columbia, but Kai's familiar enough with that route to know it won't be long now.

Between texts, phone calls, and Facetime, Kai hasn't had much of a chance to miss them. He gets why they want to check in so often, of course. Only a year after losing Katie, and Kai's on the other side of the country. Yes, it was his parents' idea he join the Foxes, and yes, Kai checks in far more than he ever did in high school—but even still, he can imagine they're more worried than they ever were during his high school years, too.

He can filter things over text, though. Downplay the impact of having Mateo and TK around, and focus instead on the excitement of exploring new places for games, on getting back out on the court again, on the way he swears his voice is dropping a little more with each month.

Now, he won't have any buffer. They'll all be in Palmetto together, doing their best to work around the conspicuous empty space in their family. The closer it gets, the more it just sounds exhausting. He loves his parents, he does, but there's a pit in his stomach as the reunion approaches.

He'll deal, though. Kai wasn't going to say no when they asked about visiting—even when they kept angling to come earlier, like the sooner they could lay eyes on him the better. It's only September, and still this has easily been the longest Kai's ever been away from home and his parents. He can't blame them for being excited.

And somehow, despite all that warning, he's still rushing around trying to get ready. His parents will have their own hotel, of course, but he knows they'll want to see as much as they can of his new life too. Kai has his phone in one hand and a bag of trash in the other as he exits his dorm, nearly stumbling into another Fox as he tries to text his parents back with one hand.

"Sorry," Kai says, pulling up short. He sets the trash bag down, then stuffs his phone into his pocket. "Last minute cleaning. I'm uh, trying to make my side of the dorm presentable before my parents get here," he adds, with a smile and a wince. "Next on the to-do list is figure out what they can do all day tomorrow while I'm in class."

[foxespsu]

Location: Eden’s Twilight Date: Saturday, August 14th Time: Night (open)        

The Foxes’ go-to bar is unexpectedly, but delightfully, weird. Kai dresses the part, and it’s a little too easy. There’s plenty of black clothes and beat up jackets in his closet already, although he doesn’t bother with the eyeliner he sees on some guys here. He wouldn’t look like them if he tried it. He’d just look like, well—who he used to be.

Eden’s is fun, though. He likes the pageantry of it. In some ways, it reminds him of the shows back home. The music’s not the same—too much distorted electronic, not enough drums and profanity—but that’s fine. It’s not like he was expecting a thriving punk scene when he moved to Palmetto. 

It helps that the bartender doesn’t even blink before serving Kai a beer, too. He’s seen himself in the mirror; there’s no way he passes for twenty-one. Some days, he barely passes for eighteen. Just one of the many, many things he hopes will change the further he transitions.

Tonight, though, that’s not his focus. Back home, he’s all but given up on drinking. He’s not going straight-edge or whatever. It just—wasn’t fun without Katie. Nothing was. It only takes a few beers now before he feels the floaty, disembodied glow that comes with a good buzz.

God, he’s had a year, though. Therapy appointments where he’s supposed to talk about Katie, doctor’s appointments with well-meaning but ultimately frustrating doctors who need him to justify his transition for the hundredth time, and maybe worst of all, the way his parents only seem to stay in the same room as each other when they’re asking Kai how are you doing?

Yeah, he’s ready to cut loose. He hasn’t had anything stronger than a glass of wine or two in a year, but now seems as good a time as any to experiment. “Anyone want to do shots?” He’s not so far gone that he’s going to get drunk alone, and if any desperation leaks through—the new kid, the freshmen, lonely in ways none of the Foxes can fix—he can pretend he didn’t hear it. “It’d be my treat.”

[foxespsu]

Location: The Vixen Den Date: Friday, September 3rd Time: Victory Party (open​)

It's not the type of game Kai played in high school, even on his most competitive days. It was a lot messier than that—barely legal body checks and definitely illegal punches, a flurry of cards on both sides. His head still aches a little from the shock of an elbow to the visor, even if his helmet did its job and protected him from any actual harm. But it was a victory. That's what counts, right?

He thinks about his parents back home, who no doubt tuned into the game the entire way. There's a string of texts from both of them on his phone waiting for his reply. Not a family group chat, but separate texts from each to congratulate him, like they wanted to double the amount of praise. It feels good to start the season—his first real taste of college Exy—off with a win. It feels good to know his parents witnessed it, that they're no doubt proud of him all the way back in California.

Thank God he didn't get into a fight this time. Kai does not think they're proud of the scrimmage. He hasn't told them much about Mateo or TK. It's easier to tell them he's good, he's settling in, he's making friends. All the stuff they want to hear, especially after the last year.

There are a lot of unfamiliar faces in the crowd tonight. He knows the Vixens by sight at least, even if he hasn't spoken to many of them. Still, when the time comes for small talk, it's one of the Foxes that he seeks out. "So, do you think tonight's like...a good omen for the season? Should we all save the socks we were wearing for luck?"