#internalized hatred

[s4mm1ee]

I wish I had allies but everyone in my area are cucks for the oppressers.

[loreandletters]

WarTrophy!Sokka thoughts...

Been thinking alot about WarTrophy!Sokka after going through an old fic, and I gotta say my younger self was cooking with the concept lol I really like the close-but-not-close vibe I gave it bc I remember wanting to give him a strong sense of class difference between him and the siblings. I was like a preteen at the time so i don’t think it came across that great lmao

Honestly all I remember is that I was really hell bent on making it super tragic on Sokka’s end. It made sense to me bc he had just been plucked from home, shoved into a viper pit of a capital, and told to survive. He was point-blank informed that he was only kept alive to be friends with a sociopathic-kid and her socially awkward bother, and that can really fuck with a persons head.

It made him super hypervigilant that his survival depended on Zuko and Azula’s approval, which in turn made him extremely conscious of societal rules (titles, seating arrangement, etc.) and extremely dedicated to his studies.

In his eyes, he’s always gotta be invaluable to the siblings (training against benders to prove his strength, being blatantly patriotic to show his loyalty, staying smart so he didn’t annoy them (azula), trying to be funny so he’s always interesting, etc.). In a way the siblings get it bc Ozai is breathing down their necks, but Sokka’s def in the worse position. He’s not a bender, he’s got blue eyes, and he was literally bought by a woman Ozai didn’t love. Plus, Zuko and Azula were attached to him, and Ozai din’t like that either bc a) he obvi hated Zuko ergo hating sokka, and b) Azula only ever should be loyal to him. 

Sokka was eventually gonna end up screwed either way without the banishment and for a kid thats a lot to handle

Having Ozai plus a bunch of politicians praying for your downfall is horrible but then the lady who got him (ursa) abandons him, leaving him with 0 protection. Personally, i think Iroh aint the best politicker out there, so he wasn’t much help to Sokka. (The guy literally stepped down and let his psycho brother become king-of-the-world basically (yes ik it was due to grief but still))

Sokka cares for the siblings greatly though, despite the extreme power balance (in his eyes) and it's what makes him put up with all the crap they drag him through, but at the same time is it because he has no one else to love, or is it because he actually cares? Does his loyalty mean anything when he thinks that if he doesn’t have it, he’s dead? Is that even loyalty at that point or just pure self preservation? 

It’s why I added the stockholm syndrom tag bc tbh Sokka never had any choice but to love the siblings and hope it made the lonely kids love him too. The other option was death and Sokka is too stubborn a character to accept that. He’s also prideful enough to keep his self-respect, so he’s not exactly a doormat. Just a very conscious person who doesn’t lie to himself about his status, and uses every arm of power he has to constantly reinforce it, so that he doesn’t end up dead. Even if he isn’t consciously doing it or thinking it, he’s def acting on it. I think in the story, I wanted to make it such a big and giant thing in his life (constantly making himself indispensable), that it’s just become a part of him to deeply and viciously hold onto his status and protect it.

(spoilers ig but not really bc who knows if i'm ever gonna go through with it) It’s why the whole ‘We’re-your-family-stick’ with his dad and sister was always gonna go south. In Sokka’s mind it wasn't just a simple reunion. To him it boiled down to two choices: a) go with them and be hunted by a nation you sunk 8yrs of dedication to and have made morally dubious decisions for, or b) exploit them as a chance to further prove your loyalty.

guess which one he goes with lmao

To me that was always such a cool concept, all that tragedy and angst all wrapped up in a super fucking toxic love. Great storytelling opportunities imo Maybe one day I’ll write on it lol

[cosmicwhorrors]

I'm super fucking cute today despite the fact that I don't wanna exist.

[syngigeim]

Urchin, Tomboy, Ul’dahn

“Urchin!” her fellow peers within the school called her. Her father insisted on her learning at the very least reading and writing after his adoption of her became formal, and so she had to study. And she hated it. Everyone jeered her for being so far behind the others. And above all, she was strange.

Her father was a guard and not without some means of wealth, but she refused to wear nice dresses that the other children wore. It felt wrong not to wear the simple clothing of the streets.

“Urchin! Urchin! Can’t get proper clothes!”

-

“Tomboy!” The cries became as she got older. She still refused to change what she wore, but even worse, was the un-proper attitude. She could still beat most of the boys her age in fights and much worse, was willing to punch them if they looked at her the wrong way.

But she didn’t want to be a boy. She was a girl!

Just one who couldn’t deal with other girls. They were so mean, always teasing about her clothes. She used to be able to make up for that with friendships with boys but now they found her weird.

“Tomboy! Tomboy! “She wants to be a boy!”

-

"Ul’dahn.” She heard the low mutters from the refugees around the city. Hardly any saw the refugees around the cities, they were are alike to the rabble that struggled to survive. Only Elly could see the minute difference between those who were poor because of birth or circumstances and those who just fled and hoped for better luck and failing.

Which is to say, hardly any. Both seemed angry to see a somewhat well-off person taking peeks at them. To them they saw a pest who just wanted to gawk.

No matter if the truth was that she was just lucky to escape their fate. Or worse.

“Money-grubbing Ul’dahn’s. Always ready to laugh at us.”

[teamfeminism-blog]

[lupitalover]

Clocking Internalized Hatred/Anti Blackness

So when I was about 7 I came upon my favorite book still to this day I'm getting a little emotional, was Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters. I loved it because it had two African Princesses. It gave me this sense of pride. It was so mystical in a way that America never shows people of color. I would read it over and over and over mainly for the feeling it gave me. But, in the back of my head I had this voice telling me black girls can't be princesses or better yet beautiful so this book it basically a sham. I didn't realize it then but I was so full of hatred. Not from my own doing of course but our media and we never really get to see get to see our people in our most beautiful purest form.

[violetxxvenom]

I unfollowed the guy who posts a bunch of shitty anti-black posts on Instagram. I feel so good. Last night was the fucking end of it. All of those posts are attacks against Black women, particularly dark skinned Black women. It's extra confusing because this guy isn't even close to being "Chris Brown" light anyway. There's a lot of self hatred there.

[reverseracism]

My first experience with racism was when i was nine. My "best friend" and i are both dark skinned black girls. My mom is a light Cameroonian and my dad a dark skinned senegalese, and i look JUST like him. I said "wouldnt it be weird if i looked like my mom?" And she said "actually it would be better." "Why?" "Youd be like skinned and pretty". She's sixteen now, and is still the biggest uncle tom. So much self hate.

.