Internalized Homophobia (3) Masterlist
Links Last Checked: May 13th, 2025
Are You Gay? (ao3) - manchestereyes
Summary: The 5 times Dan denied he was gay (and the one time he didn't).
Between the Lines (ao3) - dieofthatroar
Summary: Phil's a librarian at a local public library. Dan has nowhere else to go.
can we try again? (ao3) - Fictropes
Summary: “Yeah, Phil. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dan answers, softer than he’d wanted because he already knows what he’s about to do next.
(or Dan doesn't turn up in 2009 and bumps into Phil 11 years later at a youtube convention)
Don’t Ask Me How I’ve Been (Fake Happy) (ao3) - phantasticworks
Summary: Dan Howell is an up and coming actor in a closeted relationship with a man who isn't ready to admit his sexuality. Phil is their Uber driver for a very important awards show. Things don't go exactly to plan, but maybe that's a good thing?
Based on the short film "Papercut" by Omad Productions (Somewhat, I got carried away)
for the first time in such a long time (I know I’ll be okay) (ao3) - possumdnp
Summary: Three conversations in Phil’s bedroom in 2009.
getting something out of nothing (ao3) - shaylawrites (thominwtt)
Summary: Unfortunately, the anxiety comes back almost instantly when Dan asks his next question: “When’s the first time you figured out you liked guys?”
Give Yourself A Try (ao3) - analester
Summary: Phil Lester thinks he is straight. At least until he gets to uni and meets Dan Howell. Being gay is extremely frowned upon, so Phil tries his best to stay away from Dan, but it becomes difficult when his professor asks Dan to tutor him. Afraid of being shunned by his friends and family, Phil tries his best to suppress his feelings, but how can he when Dan is so pretty?
hell was the journey but it brought me heaven (ao3) - parentaladvisorybullshitcontent
Summary: Their hands touching was too much, even though sometimes when Phil gesticulated extra wildly Dan felt it like a flame in his ribcage, burning bright – the desire to reach out and still his agitated movements, slip their hands together and squeeze tight.
In which a jar of seashells brings back old memories
I Am An Abomination (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: It all starts because Phil doesn't know why Dan won't hold his hand outside. It all starts because Phil doesn't know what Dan doesn't want to make their relationship public. It all starts because Phil doesn't know.
Summary: dan sees someone he used to know
songfic for ivy by frank ocean
Like a Heartbeat that Drives You Mad (ao3) - lestered (clonetrobed)
Summary: Dan closes his eyes for a few breaths, then blinks them back open. “If you’d asked me that a year ago?” He bites his bottom lip and worries it between his teeth. “I’d have said yes for sure. But that sounds fucked up to me now.”
Phil lifts his eyebrows slightly. “What changed?”
The answer to that, Dan knows, is unsurprisingly simple. He swallows just to make sure he’s not choked up when he speaks.
losing a piece of me (ao3) - huphilpuffs
Summary: Sometimes Dan likes boys more than he likes girls, and gets upset with himself for it.
Morose Men on Rooftops (ao3) - Fictropes
Summary: “Dunno, maybe chatting up morose men on roofs is my thing.” He laughs, and it’s a nice noise.
Send Me A Picture (ao3) - Tarredion
Summary: Dan has posted a new picture onto Dailybooth. It manages to do a bit more than getting Phil just hot and bothered.
Sick of Losing Soul Mates (ao3) - MaeTaurus
Summary: Dan broke up with Phil after convincing himself he couldn't be gay. If that's true, why does Dan feel jealous whenever Phil dates someone else? What happens after a drunken hookup makes Dan realize he is gay? What does this mean for Dan and Phil's relationship now?
silver and gold (ao3) - manchestereyes
Summary: At twelve years old, all Phil wants is someone who really gets him. That and a chance to go to Manchester without his mum and dad for once.
Little does he know, the best things in life are right around the corner. Phil just has to be patient.
Some Other Light (ao3) - jestbee
Summary: Dan works the night shift because it's easier to exist in the dark
The Boy on the Other Side (ao3) - vvelna
Summary: A young Phil moves into a new house with a strange closet and an interesting boy living on the other side of the wall, and writes about it in his diary.
The Scariest Part (Is Letting Go) (ao3) - huphilpuffs
Summary: Dan's journey with sexuality continues long after he meets Phil.
the stars were dimmed blue (ao3) - hoodiestrings
Summary: Dan only wanders closer to him. He is crying, he realizes, but he only moves until all he could feel is Phil pressed against him, sweaaty and warm and familiar. “I wasn’t – I wasn’t –” he laughs sadly “I loved you and you loved me but it wasn’t enough –”
Dan could feel Phil’s heart picking up speed.
“I’m sorry,” he tells him, tears flowing down his cheeks “I’m sorry. I denied everything so long –”
( or the one where Dan wasn't ready, and then, gradually, he was )
This Could Be the End of Everything (ao3) - rainbowchristy
Summary: Dan’s finally starting university, the phase of his life he’s been waiting for since he was a small child. His first real chance at freedom, away from his parents. Unfortunately, the universe has other plans for him.
Prompt: au where dan and phil are college students who get separated when they're sent home bc of coronavirus. potential dan isn't out to his parents angst + general ldr angst + fluffy reunion when they get back to campus and everything is over pls
Two Pats (ao3) - Septic84
Summary: A coming of age story of two soulmates.
vampires will never hurt you (ao3) - howellesterfics
Summary: Dan is embarrassed by his mistake of a Halloween costume, but not everybody has such negative feelings towards it.
Yellow (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: A new boy moved in next to him, his ex-girlfriend broke up with him, and school was starting back after the holidays. What makes it worse, is that the new boy is kind of cute and Dan’s straight.
you're a little much for me (and i love you) (ao3) - wiccamoody
Summary: It isn't an easy time in Dan and Phil's lives, but that doesn't stop them from loving each other.
